A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I told my bf today I'd been feeling strange and he looked worried, asked me if I thought I was pregnant. I said I didn't think so (though I was trembling) but he insisted I take a test soon because he thought there was a strong chance. On his lead, we had intercourse and that shocked me because how could he want to when he gets news like this? He was tender afterwards but said nothing else about the "pregnancy". Hes told me before he doesn't think he should have kids even though he's settled. Personally, I don't think I'm ready. I'm young with no college degree. But the idea of abortion sickens me, I'm pro-choice but I know I'd personally be forever haunted if I killed off my baby. I'm scared that hes being calm because he's already thinking of an abortion and yet, I'm frightened too of what my family will say and the road that lies ahead if I have this child. The thought that he's had his exes abort nags at me-hes my 1st lover and I know next to nothing about his past relationships. Help me...please...
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abortion, be pregnant, his ex, might be pregnant Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): If you can have sex, and not be on the pill, or us condoms, then be ready to get pregnant. You should be smarter then that.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 August 2010):
First, find out if you really ARE pregnant.
Second, if you haven't already given honest thought to the question, "Suppose I get pregnant?", then you aren't really ready for a relationship that includes sex.
Third, you need a more complete list of options to consider as answers to the question.
Fourth, if you and your partner aren't basically in agreement about the answer to the "What if I get pregnant?" question, he's not a good choice for a sex partner.
Your question reveals that there's an emotional disconnect between you two. He obviously didn't recognize that you were upset and not in the mood for sex - or else he sees sex as a magic cure-all for everything, while you see it as something for after things have been cured.
Sexual history is easier to deal with when there isn't very much of it. If you know that he's had other sex partners and/or other relationships, you have reason to wonder how they were treated, and whether you will be treated similarly. He may, or may not, be willing to discuss this with you - which tells you something about the relationship between you and your B/F.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (31 August 2010):
 His behavior is that of someone who was ok with the idea being discussed. You'll want to get to the root of why he is so calm. He may want a baby, or he may think you'll abort it. Whatever the case, take a test so you know with more certainty and go from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): First of all, you don't know if you're pregnant yet. So take a breather. I know it's super scary(I've been there)
As far as abortion goes, if you do happen to be pregnant, it is YOUR choice. Do not let him talk you out of keeping that baby if you want it. Do what is in YOUR heart. It is you that will have to face the loss of this child forever if you choose to get an abortion you don't want. Keep in mind your own life and what you want.
What worries me is that you say "he's had his exes abort". Does this mean more than one? It sounds to me like he isn't taking into consideration these women's or your well-being. Does he always wear protection? Does he convince you it's ok not to wear any? If he truly cared, he would take these steps for your safety. It sounds to me that to him, abortion is just another form of birth control. It doesn't have any emotional strings attached for him. What he doesn't understand is that it can be very traumatic and heart breaking experience for the women who go through it. I would question this guy. Does he respect you? Does he truly care for you? Does he care for your emotional and physical well-being?
Best of luck.
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