A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What can you do when your heart and head are in conflict about your relationship? What can you do when your heart is telling you this is the woman of your dreams, someone you completely love and would wait an eternity for, while your head is starting to tell you she may be your special friend, someone you have a very special bond and relationship with, but someone who may not and may never feel about you the way you feel about her? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 September 2010):
 This sounds like your relationship may be one of the soul connections that are, from my research, coming together more now than ever in recorded history. Does it seem that instead of having feelings that you may have experienced in past relationships, that you have carry a deeper awareness toward her and what she brings to your life? It's as if you skip the courting period and have a deeper awareness of love for her, seeming as if it exists without explanation, as if it always has been.
A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Not if you make her feel secure in that your feelings are pure. I know after your heart has been broken (which sometimes happens after divorces) you are hesitant to open your heart to someone again.
If this is her situation, you need to let her know that telling her how you feel in no way obligates her to jump into a relationship with you.
Tell her that this is how you feel about her, and if she is ready and willing for something more, you are there to make her happy.
You have to be ready that she will turn you down, in which case if you truly do care for her, you have to respect her wishes.
Not everyone for whom we have feelings are willing to return the same. It's part of life. It's a true blessing when you find a two sided love, connection and friendship.
Best of luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy thanks for all the great responses!
To clarify a little, we met by chance and became friends quickly, yes even friends with benefits. But it was a deep and personal connection that we both acknowledged as rare for each of us. I never expected to tell her how I felt but it just kinda blurted out maybe 4 months after we met (I've known her for two years). She admitted that I was a unique and special person in her life, but never quite told me how she felt (romantically or not) about me. She had a bad divorce before we met and has basically admitted she's hesitant to fall in love again.
The way I've seen it, while she may not say or admit how she feels about me, I would think knowing how I feel about her would cause her to pull away if she didn't have somewhat similar feelings. Right?
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A
female
reader, Counselorgirl +, writes (8 September 2010):
No, I would say what my father used to say all the time: decisions made with the heart fail, those made with your head succeed.. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 you can't help how you feel about her, and you can't change how she feels about you ... so don't panic ... go with your heart (you don't have any choice) ... and see what happens. you may be wrong about her feelings. give it a bit of time ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): I've never been able to resist the whims of the heart, but different people are programmed in different ways. I'd say let your instinct rule on every choice you make and never be afraid to take a chance on something even if success seeems like a very remote possibility. In my mind, there can be nothing worse than regret, and that would give the head something to ponder, still, years after the event...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): i would suggest u go n say her straight away!
if she's a real friend she wud understand u. dont ask for her opinion..just say her that u feel for her! thats it!
and even say her- if she dont,tht really is fine with u to continue being frnd as u were before!
if she is understanding enough, she wudnt hav a prob with it if she doesnt hold the same feelings for u! n if she feels so,then ur done!
know one thing! wotever is in our mind surely n for 100% affects our expressions and behavior.so its better to clear it at once before she may doubt n get away( if dont feel for u).Atleast u did ur job of being honest!
rest upto her!...
and yes, if she dont feel for u but stil agrees to b frnds with u, dont ever u express ur words to her again thru speech or action-anyways!be careful at this!
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (7 September 2010):
If she treats you with respect, care, friendship and being with her makes you feel good inside, then forget about what Might or Might NOt happen in the future.
All you can do is let her know how you feel about her and ask how she feels about that. If she is not interested in you romantically she will let you know. If she is you will have a wonderful thing in your hands.
But if you never try to find out, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
It's always better to regret something you did, than something you didn't do. Don't live with "what if".
If you continue to be her "friend" while secretly being in love with her, you will end up hurting yourself much more than if you find out that she is not interested in you when you tell her how you feel.
Once a guy enters into a "Friend zone" it's hard for a girl to see him as a potential mate. Don't wait. Tell her how you feel and see what she says.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (7 September 2010):
 If that's the case there won't be a lot you can do about it. Keep on with the friendship and treasure that. Maybe down the line a bit she will have the same feelings. If she doesnt then at least you won't lose her as a friend. Hope this helps
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 September 2010):
 Go with your heart. It is more pure then your head.
My question is this; is this someone you're in a relationship with, or someone you want to be in a relationship with? If you're in a relationship, then enjoy it. If you're crushing on her, that's a different story...
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A
female
reader, cassie666 +, writes (7 September 2010):
sounds like your torn, my advise is go with your head never your heart, you heart over sees promblems and your head makes them clearer.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 September 2010):
she may or may not feel about you the way you do with her. following your heart is following your truth. isn't that what's important. she may or may not feel the same, but that's not for you to judge and allow doing so to interfere with how you feel about her.
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