A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In the beginning, me and my boyfriend started off as friends so we discussed a lot of things with each other. He shared a lot of information during that time about his past relationships. He shared details about the sex they had, the parts of their body that he likes and also the feelings he STILL has for them, and I remember him saying "each love is different and we shouldn't feel guilty for still having feelings or love for an ex"... Back then I was interested in him so it kinda stung just a little to hear this but not so much. Fast forward to now, after falling in love and being in a serious relationship with him I am haunted by these initial conversations we had where he divulged so much information. Not a day goes by where I don't think about how he said he still feels love for them, or how beautiful and sensual they were, or what he did with them sexually. I feel tormented, like as if I am sharing him with memories of them... It's hard to explain but it's become an obsession and I don't know what to do. In my head, I can't compare to the way he has described them.He knows about it and he doesn't know what to do either, he just said he won't mention them anymore, so he doesn't. But what he told me is burned into my memory. Should I seek counselling? Any advice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Counseling may help. Keep in mind, just because he will always love aspects of their relationship, that doesn't mean he's not happy with you. The past is just that, the past. It is unchangeable and out of our control. I'll always love most of my ex gfs, but I sure as hell don't want to be with them.
It is best to not dwell on that which you cannot control. It will drive you crazy. Try talking about the things he loves about you. It will give you something better to focus on rather than his past.
A
female
reader, Julie2010  +, writes (31 August 2010):
Hi,Sorry to hear your tormented. I genuinely feel for you.But why not ask him to discuss the good points about you, the reasons he's with you? Whats unique about you ? etc.I wont say to end this relationship because you said you love him. But perhaps focus on your old relationships and think about what you liked about them and how you feel for your ex's now - any remaining admiration etc?. (Consider even telling your boyfriend if it will help).Or if you feel up to it, ask your boyfriend about the bad points of these past relationships? Or more importantly the reasons why his past relationships ended? Remember, there is a reason why you are still together and they arent.Maybe get him to clarify this apparent 'remaining love'. It could be that he meant it a different way to what you are thinking. Feelings 'of' love for them are very contrasting to feelings of being 'in' love with you. Best of luck.
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