A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello im with this girl i know through internet..we been together for 2 years but we still havent met since we live far away. anyway i know everything about her and her past is actually haunting me..she didnt do much but just the idea that some others guys touched her all over and kissed her breasts and do stuff in bed mungles my mind..there is also another problem..shes a virgin and we are actually meeting in october so we decided to sleep together.. and her virginity means so much to her so that shows how much she loves me and wants to lose her virginity with me coz she kinda trust me and knows that i love her so much and want to be with her for the rest of my life..but the thing is i cant get over her past and if we sleep together then it means we will kinda have to be together and get married..i want that too since i love her soooo much but im just not sure if i would ever be able to get over her pasti really need your help
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Actually, since you are having doubts, I think it's probably best to put this LDR to rest. If she's meeting you to lose her virginity but you don't think you can stay with her, then you are adding to her 'past' as you have no intention of being her future. She sounds vulnerable to manipulative men and you don't need to be another one of them, now, do you?
I'd call it off for now, especially as you two have never met anyway. It's kind of a fantasy thing you have going there, not a real viable active in-person commitment. Perhaps see a psychologist there in your country to work on your retroactive jealousy issues, and examine why it is you can't find someone suitable in real life.
Take care!
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 August 2010):
 I don't like to name call, but you're acting like an immature ass hole. You've had lots of sex, and are only interested in virgins, and can't be a man about this?!?
She deserves better than you.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Go and tell her about your feelings. Tell her everything you have said to us. I think this will solve your problems very quickly, especially if she a British girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe never had phone sex or anything like that. we talk about everything like litterally everything , we dont feel awkward tlkin about sex but we just nnever had a phone sex..and yea i wouldnt be intrested in her if she had sex before . but even though she never i stil cant get over the idea that she got undressed infront of her ex and got touched like that :S i just cant stop thinkin about that
shes from the uk by the way
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Lets get this right... you met a virgin and want to meet to deflorate her? However, her past doesn't make her the innocent pure virgin you wanted and you feel that she might have actually had the same amount of experience as you?
If she wasn't a virgin would you still be as interested? If so, then its nothing different. I would hint that perhaps she had sex once before... but the sex was bad, and only did it once. Makes her not a virgin yes.
Do you know if she has a hymen? Do you ever phone sex / cyber sex together? Also, what country is she from?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do love her and really attracted by her..shes that kind of girls who attract people in the street. shes really beautiful. but its her past that mingles my mind..i just found out yesterday that she used to get undressed infront of her ex. and she told me she never. but yesterday she admitted it. and now i cant stop thinkin about her bein naked infront of another guy . i do love her and wanna spend the rest of my life with her but im nt sure if i will get over her past or not
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do love her and really attracted by her..shes that kind of girls who attract people in the street. shes really beautiful. but its her past that mingles my mind..i just found out yesterday that she used to get undressed infront of her ex. and she told me she never. but yesterday she admitted it. and now i cant stop thinkin about her bein naked infront of another guy . i do love her and wanna spend the rest of my life with her but im nt sure if i will get over her past or not
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): not sure if you really telling the whole reason why you not want to make love with her. Are you really in love with her? interested to know her more or maybe or only self pity or what? Maybe your not attracting her too? past is past and past never change but it's helps to teach us. I think she trust you a lot bcoz she's willling to give up what her value. Send me ur reply it's interesting to me coz I'm in this situation not a long time ago to my crush in net. (But now, I don't feel the same with him, but I still thinking on him how nice he done to me for being generous with me and quite considering about me.)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): She sees sex as an assumption that want to stay with her permanently. You are not sure you feel that way about her.
Forget the virginity for a second and focus on this problem. There is communication lacking and you're headed for trouble.
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A
male
reader, TalonZurfluh  +, writes (23 August 2010):
if shes a virgin then nothing should haunt you. i was a virgin before my girlfriend, and im the 5th guy shes had a sexual relationship with. it doesnt even matter that shes had sex with 4 other boyfriends before me, cause i love her and the past is the past. honestly, i used to have the same problem as you. her past drove me insane, and it will ruin your relationship with her if you let it bother you. imagine how i felt compared to you. shes a virgin, you have nothing to be haunted about, trust me. you can make it through this.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (23 August 2010):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-possible-to-get-over-retroactive-jealousy.html
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 August 2010):
Then you sir have a MAJOR double standard. I'm tempted to name call, but that wouldn't be very mature. m u s t r e s i s t...
(Deep Breath) Ok. Everyone has a past. How honest have you been about yours with her? She may not to want to lose her virginity to a womanizer.
The simple fact is that you are very unlikely to find a virgin this day and age, let alone someone who has never had any kind of mutual sexual contact. If you ever want to have a healthy relationship you'll need to learn to accept people's pasts. We all have them. Our past makes us the people we are today. If you say you love her, then you have to accept the things that cannot be changed and trust in her love for you.
I think this is an excuse. You're focusing on this because you realize that you don't care about her the way she does you, but you want to place the blame on her rather than admit that you're not comfortable enough with yourself to act like a man and admit the truth. Your statement about marriage is the evidence here.
Don't have sex with her until you know for sure you can accept her, past and all. If you can't, then move on, because this is unfair to her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno im not a virgin, my past is actually way more than what she did since i had lots of girls in bed..its weird but the idea that shes has been touched and did stuff in bed with other guys i dont know :S it makes me feel weird with her sometimes and i start to make her feel bad about herself and i hate that
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (23 August 2010):
She's a virgin but you are still worried about her "past"... Are you a virgin too?
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A
female
reader, faith5 +, writes (23 August 2010):
If u love her, just love her and look forward to a future with her! Her past is her past,she wasn't with u and didn't even know u at the time! Good luck!
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