A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was raised a Catholic but during my early teen years, I started researching everything I could about religion because life made little sense to me. At 18, I don't go to church, don't practice anything but the belief that there is something more powerful, mysterious and incredible out there that can ever be defined. My bf at 34 is an Atheist but also raised Catholic. He has beliefs that sometime frighten me. I have friends from all faiths and I never judge, I'm fascinated! But it's different with him. The more I know him, the more I become uncomfortable and yet, still in love. How? He's caring, intelligent, sweet, and generous. But once we share private, hidden thoughts about the things that linger in our souls, a weird feeling creeps out and we both look at each other, surprised or uncomfortable. I bear guilt for losing my virginity to him etc etc. He never seems guilty about anything, rarely sorry. It bothers me. I feel sometimes like hes a soulmate and yet, there are many unspoken conflicts. How to deal?
View related questions:
atheist, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kewuoygy  +, writes (13 October 2010):
It seems that although you are not religious in the traditional sense, i. e., in the sense of organized religions, you are religious in a different way. But he is definitely not. To use the words of Paul Tillich (a Protestant theologian), you and your bf have very different "ultimate concerns."
There are moments or stages in our lives where we cannot but face questions of ultimate concern--atheist or religious regardless. For instance when we have come down with a life-threatening illness, when we have lost our loved ones..... Will he as an atheist be able to offer the kind of comforting words you believe you need? Conversely, will you be able to offer what he needs in the wake of personal crises.
People talk about compatibility in personality and interests, but compatibility in ultimate concerns are also crucial. Just for the sake of argument, I don't believe that marriage between a committed atheist like Carl Sagan and someone like Mother Teresa would ever work.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): If at the age of 34 he couldn't realize something you've already realized at the age of 18-21... do not for one second believe that he will ever change. This match-up seems like bad news in my own gut feeling as well... I think it better if you end it now before you REALLY get hurt...
...............................
A
female
reader, allmyheart +, writes (7 October 2010):
If there is something inside of you that is bothered by things that he either says or does, then pay attention. It is a part of our human nature that our subconscious recognize things about a person. If a person doesn't seem "right" to you, chances are that it's something you can trust. I am Catholic myself (though I am wholeheartedly Catholic) and I dated a guy for a few months who was not. He wasn't even Christian, though believed in God. All those lovey-dovey feelings were there, yes, but after awhile, I could feel it deep down inside of me that no matter what, I would always be left wishing that he shared the same beliefs and values as me. After about 5 months, I broke it off. I should have broken it off earlier, but I lingered around too long.
That being said, I don't discourage friendships with people of other faiths. However, romantic relationships are very, very difficult with different faiths, and a person needs to be aware of that. If you're feeling uneasy now, don't let it go on like I did.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Go with your gut. We're often good at denying the truth because we try to rationalize our feelings with our brains. If you have an uncomfortable feeling with him, that is what is most important.
I agree with pretty much everything that birdynumnums said.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 I have a deep trust in your weird feelings, or your intuition. I think that when we ignore them, which is far too often, we regret it in the long run.
Aside from all this, your age gap is either 16 years (almost twice your age) or 13 years difference - which is usually a pretty huge gap in a person's maturity, or it should be. In other words, he should be old enough to be mature, and probably not be dating someone 13 to 16 years his junior, and you don't, frankly, have to be quite yet. If this guy is "creeping you out", I'm not going to argue with you. I'm kind of judging the guy for the difference in age alone. Have you discussed this guy with your Mom or your close friends? For the most part, friends won't steer you wrong if they suss a guy out and think he's not the right guy for you.
...............................
|
