A
female
age
30-35,
*iany2009
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half now and I am due to have our baby day now, last year we had problems and he left me but we sorted things out and in january i found out I was pregnant, since then he has been amazing kind and caring always very thoughfull about everything I need, he would do anything for me, the other day my friend was a dating site and came across a profile anyway it turns out that it was my boyfriend, I also then found 2 other dating sites that he has been useing too, also he has a secret email account that hes been using since febuary to talk to girls, he also met up with one girl just recently, He swears he has not kissed hugged or had sex or anything with anyone else and he never could he just enjoys the company and likes speaking to girls, he in the army and spends most of his time in germany but at the moment he is in the uk and is home to me every weekend. He said when he met this girl he felt guilty straight away even tho he didnt do anything, I need some serious help here becuase i dont know what to do? I am due to have our son any day now but this isnt the first time we have had problems last year I found him messaging girls online too, like i say he swears he has not cheated, but i feel cheated and he has hidden this all from me since feb and whats to say he would of stopped if I didnt find out? how am I ever going to trust him again its taken me almost a year to start trusting him again, he says that he belives he can change and he loves me more than anything in the world he treats me like a princess hes my best friend and i thought my soul mate he makes sooo happy, but now im at rock bottom , please help x do I take him back or walk away ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Ok so now he has admitted to kissing the girl that he met online and also having cyber sex with various different girls
A
male
reader, QdBrown  +, writes (7 October 2010):
If he hiding stuff, I am not sure you will get him to change until he hits rock bottom. It would be hard to tell when he does, because he will probably always be convincing that he will change and stop the secret second life, but how would you really ever know?
I would focus on baby now, and use a lot of time for baby and getting your head straight, but I would not just let him back for you to make up your mind, unless you can handle how everything is going right now.
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Well first thing's first, he has cheated on you. If he's telling the truth and he has not engaged in any physical contact with these girls, and he has just been talking to them, then he has emotionally, mentally cheated on you, in my opinion. Talking to other people online is fine, IF your partner is aware of it, if it is just friendly conversation, and if your partner is okay with you doing so. I sometimes talk to people online, but my boyfriend knows of this, and it is totaly innocent nothing more that friendly chit chat.My question to you is, do you honestly believe he has only talked to these girls? Does he lie to you a lot, do you have good reason to trust what he tells you? Do you feel you will ever get over these secret girls in his life? And is that the kind of person you feel you can live with?You need to ask yourself all these uestions and make sure you are doing the right thing. Being with someone for the children's sake is not the best thing to do, not that I'm suggesting that's what you're doing at all. Mature and well functioning couples, share no secrets and have nothing to hide from eachother. If you feel to hurt and unable to trust him in the future, I'd say that you probably allready know you should part your ways. You say he treats you like a princess and he's your soulmate, from an outsider view this seems hard to believe, and maybe that's what you want to believe. Your soulmate doesn't go lying behind your back, and if he's treating you like a princess, perhaps it's because of the guilt and fear of losing you. Do you think that maybe you deserve much better?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 October 2010):
 You need to ask yourself if you believe him that he hasn't been intimate with these girls. Although, just because he hasn't been physically intimate with them doesn't mean his actions weren't that of a cheater. I would classify what he has been doing as cheating or trying to cheat. Secret email, profiles on multiple dating sites, secret contacts... If he had nothing to hide then why is he hiding it? Personally I don't trust him based on what you've told us.
What should you do? Focus right now on having your baby. That is a huge life changing event that is just around the corner. Put this on the back burner for right now. You have enough to worry about. When you come back to this, you need to decide if you believe he wants to change. I'm sceptical of change. Change for any reason other than wanting to for one's self is temporary at best. I question if he really views this as a problem and therefore will only change how he hides it from you.
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