A
female
age
41-50,
*estiny101
writes:I thought I met the love of my life when I went on vacation in the summer of 08. I was going through so much at the time and I took a trip to clear my head, and there he was, the same person I loved as a little girl growing up. We spoke for hours, about what we wanted out of life...Unfortunately I had to go back to Paris. We had a long distance relationship for a little over a year, spoke every day. at the time I met him he was in a complicated situation, which I told him he had al the time in the world to fix, as I was not prepared to be a homewrecker plus there was a child involved. Finally in 09 I told him we need to make this happen. In Nov of 09 I decided to travel to see him, the chemisty was still there. All this time he was still living with his child's mother which he claimed he didn't love and nothing is going on. Nevertheless, when it was time to leave he pleaded for me to stay, which I did.By late Dec 09 I was ready to breakup,because all in Nov he was telling me how he wanted to start a family as soon as he sees me... Now I am a few weeks pregnant he is audacity to ask me what I want to do about it? How is babymother will not be happy because they just broke up, and she would think that he was cheating on her! WTF then he changed his phone pin, when ihacked into his phone I found naked pics of her and some of himself which i knew he sent to her. He denied that there is anything going on...Plus there was a case of him hitting me.I went back to Paris for fresh air in Jan, he called evey minute while i was gone, declaring his love. I moved back to him in MA a week later. Feb I lost the baby, he comforted me. March was ok, but towards the end he got really upset and hit me again, and I found a new pic of his naked ex...I waited a whole month before I mentioned it, when I finally told him in May he got upset and hit me for going down him phone. In june we went over to St.kitts on a beatiful 2wks vacation. When we returned I found out that he texted some strange number 99times before our vacation. when i confronted him about it he denied it and hit me for allowing people to come between us...It is sept 2010 and I am ready to leave. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I don't need to be belittled, screamed at or shouted at. I made a friend hack into his online account, to my surprise he has been busy texting and calling people he lied of being in contact with. I even found evidence of things he use to do before I moved to MA. That is not the same person i fell in love with. when he speaks of us getting married early next year, it makes me sick. I think I should just leave when he goes to work because any confrontation might lead to blow and i might just retaliate if he ever hits me again....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Moonknight  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 That's is true he could still turn up of course, but everyone needs closure including him. i don't believe it leaves the door open, infact i believe it closes the door.
Leaving without saying anything will urge him to find a reason why... that urge can go very deep, could change him into more of an abusive guy.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 çMoonknight : and what if he reads the letter,..and he turns up at her door anyway ?
Of course, if she feel that writing him a letter will bring her closure and peace of mind, - why not.
But personally I feel that the very act of leaving a letter is sending the wrong signals. A letter, even a goodbye forever letter, is always a door open on commmunication, it still leaves room for negotiation, for discussion, it still shows that she cares about sharing her thoughts with him. All this is superfluous in this case. This guy should simply be history ASAP.
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A
male
reader, Moonknight +, writes (3 October 2010):
Some of you guys need to understand it's not so easy to just walk away when you are in the actual situation, there is alot more to it that just leaving, you can leave and still be in the same situation, do you people ever consider what if she just leaves say nothing, and he turns up at her door?
There is no doubbt destiny10 that you should leave this man, you already know this anyways. you should write him a letter, a letter of explanation for your actions including his constant abuse of you where he hits you, no man should ever hit a woman especially where the woman isn't even attacking him.
When you write the letter, it should offer closure for you and him, so into extreme details as you have here, stating dates and time, expression your hurt and the person you thought he was to who he truely is, maybe he will change, if he decides to change or not, make sure you are not the woman he works his new changes on. do not fall weak and go back to this man. He doesn't deserve you, a woman who is willing to have his child, then he puts his hand on her... only a fool.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 October 2010):
Your post made me cringe . He hit you when you were pregnant !!! ( the first time ). Then, he hit you again, and again, and again ( beside all the rest )- and now you want to leave him a nice letter explaining all the hows and the ways. Oh Gosh.
Skip the letter. Just leave. Split. Vanish. And make sure he has no way to contact you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): If i ever caught a man hitting any woman Id send him to the fucking grave.
You have my deepest and sincere sympathy miss for what he did. This man is all words n no action and deserves nothing you have to offer him. I wouldnt hesitate to give him the pink slip and a letter can give you a closure as Ive done that before and worked well.
Kindest Regards
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A
female
reader, tmisty777 +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Wow, that is not a healthy relationship at all! What I believe that you need to do, and my answer might not be the best, is to leave, and you need to let him know why you are leaving, and to make it even clearer you should mention how he should treat the next person taht he is with, that way he knows it wont be you. You would never hit anyone if you loved them, you would not look at pornographic pictures of someone else if you knew it bothered the one that you love if you actually love them- you need to leave, and stay away from where he lives, and change your phone number. Make sure he has no way of getting contact with you. There is someone way better for you in your future hun- go find him!
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (1 October 2010):
I don't know what you are still with him for.Apart from anything else, he has hit you. More than once. Don't stand for it. He isn't going to change. Move away, leave, whatever. Get him out of your life.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Yes, well no, ummmm... Ok, let me put it this way. You need to get out of this relationship! You need to run for the door and never look back. He doesn't diserve anything so nice as a good buy letter. He is an abusive liar. Very little worse on the planet in my book (at least as far as relationships go).
Nobody should ever hit their partner unless it is part of predetermined sex play. You need to get out of this, and now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Get out, and get out quickly. Don't let any man hit you, they are the lowest of the low and any women worth living in the 21st century should move on, and move on with pride. He's not worth it. Leave him some sort of letter and then get as far away from him as possible and don't ever contact him again.
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