A
female
age
51-59,
*achel2
writes:My boyfriend's dad invited him to go to a conference that is for dancing. Although the event is not advertised as a place to meet people, the dancing sessions are set up man and woman, so if a single man is there, they will couple him up with a woman to dance with. It is a 3 day event, they also have an evening dance party, cocktail hour, etc.i trust him but it hurts me that I do not have the money to attend it with hm. I dont want to ask him not to go, but i know i will resent it if I sit at home for 3 days while he is off at a big dance party complete with happy hours, dinners, etc.should i sound like the nagging girlfriend and ask him not to go, or should I just give him a big hug and say have fun. I do not have the money to attend. his dad said it would be great if i can go too, but I simply do not have the money.help.i know how I am. I will resent it and bottle it up adn then it will come out anyways, that I am sitting at home picturing who he is dancing with. but if I ask him not to go, i am afraid he will view me as trying to control him. I dont want to do that, i would have no problem if he were going off with the guys, or going fishing, or going to a computer seminar, or something. But this whole event is a partner event, bc it is dancing, so he will automatically be paired up with another woman/ women.am I being unreasonable, or is it a natural desire not to have my boyfriend go to something like this without me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I'm a guy...I would never do this to a woman that I cared about.
Never.
Never.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): You received an invitation and turned it down. It's not your boyfriend's or his dad's responsibility to fork over the money so you can attend this conference. Honestly, if you were offered an invitation, there is probably nothing sinister about their intentions of going to this conference.
Further, I highly doubt that at this conference, they will be teaching the art of pole-dancing or anything like that. Do some research on the conference online. I bet it's salsa and tango and ballroom and all of that. And I guarantee there will be plenty of married women there whose husbands didn't want to go with because they aren't interested/are afraid of dancing.
It doesn't sound like he has sinister intentions, and his dad probably just wants him there for support and for someone to have fun with - maybe some late-in-life father-son bonding.
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A
female
reader, rachel2 +, writes (8 October 2010):
rachel2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell that helps a little, I guess Im not the only one who would be upset about it. In answer to your question dirtball, his dad is not going to meet women, bc he has a girlfriend that is attending part of the weekend too.
a little more info, we've been together about 6 months and have an understanding or agreement that we do not see other people, we're exclusively with each other. Its not a casual dating thing, we spend time together on average 4-5 days of the week.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Have you ever been to one of these dance things? Almost everyone there are people who dance professionally or as a serious hobby; they've literally, truly, absolutely only got one thing on their mind: dancing. They are some of the geekiest (but adorable) people you'll ever meet and, believe me, they are not there to snag anyone; they are just there to show their moves and have fun. I'm sure if you went to keep an eye on your boyfriend, you'd be almost disappointed by the lack of sexual-tension, spice and hot bodies you're imagining. So please don't worry.The way I would look at is this... Your age shows you are between 41-50, so if your boyfriend is around that age, his father is already getting up there in years. This sounds like a great opportunity for your son to do something fun with his aging father that they can both remember for the rest of their lives. You also WERE invited and they are probably sorry you can't go, so feel flattered that you were included! Please don't try to come between father and son, especially if they are getting along so well at this age. Many men your age have already lost their fathers, haven't seen them since childhood, aren't speaking, or live a world away. Just let it be, don't be overprotective, and it will make your relationship with your boyfriend stronger.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Totally natural and reasonable. Why doesn't your boyfriend pay for you to go with him? I would be pissed that he would even WANT to go without me.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 October 2010):
 I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable. My question is why is his dad going and why does he want to bring his son along?
I can see many possible reasons why he would be going. I'll list a few of them.
1) His dad is trying to meet some women after a divorce and he wants to bring his son along for moral support. This way he can help pick out a woman for his dad who will know she has "approval" as well. It is also something he likely doesn't want to do alone but he may not have many friends who could go with him instead.
2) Your BF is embarassed that he can't dance. He wants to learn how to dance so he can impress you. Sure, it would be best to you if he did this with you, but guys like to "wow" their girls sometimes. Maybe it's his hope that after he learns some moves he can take you out dancing and show off what he learned.
3) He really wants you to go and may be willing to help you out if you let him know you really want to go. He just may not know that this is such an issue. Guys often have trouble reading such things. If we're told it's fine, then that's what we believe. I've learned that "fine" never means "fine" but not all guys have that knowledge yet.
You need to tell him your concerns so that he knows. Be honest and let him know you're torn. You don't want to be the jealous GF because you trust him, but the thought of him spending a weekend being so physically close to other women is also something that you have trouble getting past. After all, dancing is innocent but can also be quite intimate depending on the dance.
I say that your reaction should depend on his reason for going. If it's for moral support for his dad, then you may need to just suck it up and support him. Don't throw it in his face later, that is not fair. But do your best to get him to empathize with you as well. If he sees things from your perspective before he goes you can be much more sure of his actions.
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