A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not even hear him. And it sounded really romantic and my intoxicated brain views it with traces of hidden attraction. It says, "he likes you girl but is controlling his affections because there is no chance for him. You have been taken!" Yet, there are no visible signs other than his readiness to be there for you and your head that says there is something shielded behind his curious searching eyes. Once it happened that I was looking for him and started walking away as I couldn't find him. After taking a few steps, I felt something and turned back to see him standing there looking at me, uncertain whether to call me or not. I was stumped!The thought that I won't see him again makes me a little restless though I am well in touch with reality. I am already in a good relationship and perhaps with a person more eligible, loving and caring than him. But my mind is such a restive horse which wants the guy to hold me, kiss me and what Not!! I feel so connected with him. Its so shameful.I want the reigns of my thoughts. I hate them for being so bold and merciless. Its so shameful as sometimes you feel that "No, he hasn't got anything for you. Its all your imagination and you are despicable. He will not even think about you or miss you when you've gone. He cares nothing more than your being just another woman he comes across."I can't push him away from my mind. He has become so much a part of my dreams. I somehow feel that in a few years time I will meet him and we will be united. How do I stop thinking about him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear female reader Phenomenal,
Thanks you.
I am so much blown over by my emotions that I do not have control over my words. words rather dance to my hormone levels which are juggling up and down due to my admiration for a certain man of immense perfection.
I do not have any soft copies of my works and I have been suffering from a writer's block for years now. And yes, the thought of burning some creative fire with my current situation had occured to me. I will definitely start writing something on it.
I wish he knew how I was 'suffering' because of him. I wish he realised what he means to me and how helpless both of us were. But No! It would hardly happen as you wish it to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Sweetie~I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well. Have you condiered drafting a short story on your situation? I certain this would serve constructive as it will allow you to vent and rationalize your situation as well. I really am moved by your literary mode of expression, as it emotionally erecting. I would love to read some of your works if you have any available.~Hugs of support to You, Phenomenal~
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't been doing good at all. Instead I am messing things up miserably with a person whom I share a good relationship with and is not at all flirting with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx. I was really looking for something negative and bad in orderto break the bond I have been feeling. I think this is the chance. Since I'm moving out theres no question of meeting him again. But I was thinking of letting him know that people do expect a little more sincerity in a good relationship. I would just leave a message. I can't be ungrateful only because he did so as he has always provided timely help and understanding. I have my own principles and I would let him know that I'm leaving with a thank you note.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I think that's a good plan, I also think that your imagination played into some of the "signals." Lots of that is just being friendly. Good luck. It is definitely best if you can move on. Especially since you're in a relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe same thing I guess is happening with me. It hurts if that person nas been giving you mixed signals for sadistic pleasure. I think he is somewat that. Friendship has boundaries, you dont give an insane smile, nor do you ignore her when she is with others, nor would u tease her, nor would your eyes pop up when she is there... If you are a gentleman you won't give out confusing signs. You are educated and can read eyes and a little bit of mind. Also, he has never told me his personal affairs even when there were occasions. He did not even mentiin casually that he was catching the same bus as I was tonight. That hurt me a bit and made me feel that all this was a drama embellished with my imagination.
So I guess I will check my crush here and ignore him from now on. Its better to love, lose and ForgeT rather than not to have loved at all. I enjoyed the feeling and may be he did too.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 October 2010):
"Why can't men behave normally? And why women can't think straight?"
We do. We're much more straight forward than women in my experience. Men really are quite simple. We're also bound by our insecurities, societal norms and values, and our morals.
Women have a tendency to over-analyze things, as do some men. It gets a million times worse in a situation like this.
Unfortunately, the more you think about this, the more it will dominate your life. It will consume you if you're not careful. I speak from experience here. I'm consumed with unrequited love. It's miserable. I love a girl who's unavailable. Go figure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven I knw that he won't make a move. I dnt expect anything from him other than a lovely smile and looks that he has always given me. My feelings are purely mine and its not fair to ask people to reciprocate them. But he keeps me guessing why he is so 'friendly', sweet and caring. I meet him 2-3 times a day.The way he looks sideways to see if I'm looking and then smiles if caught my eye... Breathtaking. His friends would watch me and him and walk away. I told him something insignificant last time and he said, of course lady as you say. Surprised.
Why can't men behave normally? And why women can't think straight?
Its getting more and more intriguing day by day. May be he is just having fun with my feelings. I really need to get away from before it gets painful. I have butterflies of all colurs in my stomach.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
It's hard to say if that behavior means anything. He's probably interested on some level but it's hard to say how interested. I can say I'm 90% sure he won't make a move.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis guy is so confusing or is he confused himself? He is so nice with all the time when we come across each other Alone and hardly looks up at me when Im with a companion. Why is that so? When I quite accidentally met him at night in an emotional situation his eyes were lingering all over my eyes, ears, cheeks and even Lips. I swallowed hard. I wouldn't say his stare was hot. But they really aren't like others'. Tender and soft, if I may call them so. Tell me what you think. Are such men giving wrong signals?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat you said is true. But its human mind that falls for care, understanding and a sweet warm smile.
I know that its one sided here. But Im not helping it even with reason and logic. I saw him on phone at 11 night once in the garden and still my might is not offendd enough not to like him so much. Of course, you wouldn't talk to your mother like that? Lol.
When you do come across people congenial to your liking you really adore them, want to know about them, and even dangerously want them to like you. I hope he likes me as a person even if not you-know-what-i-mean. Sick and ugly, isn't it?
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reader, dirtball +, writes (26 October 2010):
Exactly my point there. When we want something to be true we will often read into what's not there. We will give meaning to the meaningless. We will interpret things to mean things other than what they were intended to mean. We build up a whole relationship in our head that may not even exist anywhere else. It's an ugly cycle.
If you aren't afraid to tell him what you're feeling, then that may be the best bet. You do run the risk of alienating the relationship so it is best if you decide what you are going to do about your present relationship first. Why are you having such an attraction to someone else? Why are you still with your BF? Would you be willing to sacrifice this relationship for one with your crush?
My guess is that something is missing from your present relationship. Maybe the spark is missing. Maybe the romance is gone. I don't know. It's true that sometimes these feelings just pop up and hit us, but most of the time if we're in love, we wouldn't even consider something like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDirtball,Thank you. " Sometimes our brains do read into things that we want to be true over what reality is." You just mean I am imagining stuff, is it not? Could be, or rather I am! Because there are no signs. not even a single step forward which says he likes me. But I can see that he definitely enjoys my being around whenever that happens. Again, because when we are having a one on one conversation his eyes enlarge which are otherwise small. I can't explain.I know this very discussion is futile. Yet, I enjoy this whole 'affair'. I do want to tell him what I feel if he has not been reading them from my eyes. I don't care about rejection. But, I don't want to alienate him from my life. I want to know The Truth. Let him be around. Let him let me know how he gets on with his life, finally find his girl, and let me get hurt because I had wanted to be her. May be destiny would bring us face to face after a few years and let me see how we fare then. If there is a spark it will still be there in our eyes and soul.Legalman,It is a very complicated situation, isn't it? And it is bizarre. Thanx to Phenomenal, the female reader who appreciated my ability to express my feeling. The feeling is so beautiful that I can't forget it nor live with it. Even when I know nothing will work out the way I want between us without hurting a whole lot of people I endear it, pet and pamper it solely in my heart. But I am a literary maniac and I believe in the soul which has no taboos, boundaries or shame.I am still open to more discussion on this topic. It will never be exhaust.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Sweetie~Absolutely Beautiful..I am taken by your expression. Perchance you will share one or perchance even two of your literary works? ~Phenomenal~
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (25 October 2010):
Wow, I know how you feel. I had to leave my last relationship because of feelings I developed for someone else... The worst part is that she's taken and I won't tell her how I feel about her while she's in a relationship. It's a boundary I won't cross. Likewise, it may be a boundary your crush won't cross either. Sometimes our brains do read into things that we want to be true over what reality is. Ugh.
Anyway, how to stop thinking about him?
There are a couple of ways. Usually the best bet is by cutting off contact. Cut them out of your life. It is hard at first, but gets easier with time. Just don't make the mistake of thinking you're over them so you can be in contact again. Because the minute you do, you'll likely have all your feelings come rushing back. You could tell him how you feel, but you have to prepare yourself for possible rejection or the consequences to your current relationship. Really, I haven't found other ways that work. Trying to delve into work or a hobby hasn't helped me get past mine, of course I have regular contact with my crush. I'm a glutton for punishment sometimes I guess.
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