A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi! am 23 years old, dating a 45 year old. he is married having three kids, his relationship with his wife is complicated. the wife left him with kids and went back to her home. the man is struggling so hard to raise the kids. will our relationship last? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, soon567  +, writes (26 October 2010):
Short answer is no. One of the hardest thing for a man is to change routines. Most likely when they divorce its the wife that demands it not him. He needs help more of a maid than lover. If I was you I would back away and for heaven sakes don't fuck this marry man. You will never get what you want in the end. I would walk on this one.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Try to put your feelings for his aside just for a second. Now, be honest, is a relationship with a married, 45 year old father of 3 who's relationship with his wife is "complicated" something you really really want for yourself? Especially at your age?
These are usually the types of situations where your heart is telling you one thing and your brain is telling you another. I'm not doubting your love for him, but seriously... is this really what you want?
To answer your question, the odds are seriously stacked against you. Mainly because over time logic slowly starts to creep in and take over control from your heart and you realize this isn't what you really wanted.... but there is a small chance you could end up having a long, steady relationship with him. Which brings me back to my original question.... is a long, steady relationship with him something that you really want?
Some other things to think about - Is he planning on divorcing his wife? Do you want children eventually? Is he willing to have more children with you? When do you want to have children? How old will he be if you have children with him? How do your parents feel about your relationship with him?
If you had a choice between a life with this man and his "baggage" or a life with a man who is close to your age, single, and no children... which would you choose?
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 The fact that he is older aside, and the fact that he is going through one of the toughest times he'll ever go through in his life aside also - do you really want to be taking on a situation with this many landmines?
Even if he does end up with you, chances are he will be so damaged and miserable from the strain of a recent catastrophe in his life that he will likely not be in any emotional state that will be condusive to a healthy relationship.
You are young, and optimistic - and I applaud you for that. I just think that you are getting yourself invested in a situation that is very likely to implode, or end up being damaging to you in the long-term.
Consider your own involvement and feelings within the situation, because right now it sounds like you are defending, supporting and being concerned about him - and thinking little about your own sanity, vitality or happiness.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 You have a 12% chance of him leaving his wife to be with you.
1. He's married.
2. He also has children to raise.
So no the odds aren't in your favor..He'll probably end it because aside from raising his children and salvaging his marriage, he won't have time for this affair anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Will this last..you ask, in truth, highly, highly unlikley!
First, as it has already been pointed out, he's 45, that's a huge 22 year age gap, he was where you're at NOW, when you were only being born..this rarely forebodes for a promising future. It may well be great initially, but as will ALL relationships when the FUN stops, and reality takes over, it very quickly vanishes.
Apart from all this, the age factor, you are seeing a married man, and that is always a NO, NO, not only for you in the long term, but also not to be the woman who may keep the man from attempting to make his marriage work.
Now very few women leave a marriage without FIRST having really hard to make it work, especially where children are involved, they are far more likely to stay and over-ride their own needs for the sake of the children, so either this woman has REAL grounds to have moved out ( YOU only know what he tells you) or she left due to putting her sanity before her marriage and children. We are all human.
Either way, this marriage is FULL of problems, and without HIM being divorced completely, not just living separately from his wife, ONE: he is vulnerable to attention, TWO:his emotions will be all over the place ( heard of rebound)THREE: he is still married technically, and for that reason alone, it would be wisest to leave this one alone.
He may well get back with his wife, yes I'm sure he has told you, there is no chance of that, but whilst they have three children, that as a bond, it is VERY possible, not a full gone conclusion, but possible. Do you really want to be in the middle of all this.
At 22 taking on an emotionally damaged man ( which he will be for while) and three children is an extremely NON-exciting, NON dating, NON romantic situation..this is not flowers and chocolates, weekends away, exploring a relationship together, this is losing your own life, as your twenties where you should be enjoying all it can offer, not getting attached to married men who are old enough to be your father..it's reality I'm afraid..
So as the others have said this does not look good for you, but only you can decide if you stay or go..you've asked, and we've said!
Jilly
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Denise32 is right, this will not end well for you. I would walk away from this right away. Even if she walked out, he's still cheating on his wife with you. Would you really want to start a new relationship that way? He's a cheater. Even with "good" reason, a cheater is still a cheater.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Two red flags:
First: this man is a LOT older than you. And, would you REALLY want to take on the job of helping him raise his three children?
Second: Until and unless he and his wife divorce, and the divorce becomes final, you should not be dating a married man.
Its chances of lasting look very uncertain.
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