A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Maybe you guys can help me figure this one out. I'm always trying to figure people out.Our daughter played on a volleyball team last year. We made friends with one couple and their daughter. We had a great time getting together at volleyball games. We talked about getting together after the season was over. A few months later we called them to come over. They were all for it. They came with their daughter. We had a great time with the other couple as did they; our girls had a great time together, laughing and having fun!The couple told us when we were together that they were going to have us over next. We talked about a couple of months down the road--we agreed on one certain month. When it came to this month, we did not hear from them, so a few weeks later I emailed her. She e-mailed back, seemed very friendly, said, "(Plan on a get-together sometime at the end of the month.)" I e-mailed back that our girls would love to get together with their daughter and that it would be great to see them again! We ran into them at an event a couple weeks ago. First we talked to him; he was very friendly and sociable. His wife got there later. She did a little wave to us from a little distance. She did not come over, so I went over and sat to her. She seemed nice and polite but did not say anything about getting together. This kind of offends me, and more than anything, I just wish I could figure it out! Does anyone have any thoughts on this? What would you do if you were in my situation? I would like to keep up the friendship, if possible.Puzzled in Pennyslvania Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 There could be underlying factors that you don't know about. Best then to leave it alone as they could have perfectly logical, but private, reasons for backing out. And they are just too polite/chicken to be upfront about it, and would like to keep the friendly athmosphere.
If it is very annoying you could try to ploitely ask what happened. Here's some guessing from my imagination: 1. someone in their close family recently died and so they ar enot in the mood for having friends over, but don't know you well enough to want to inform you of what happened.
2. Her husband finds you attractive/the wife thinks you are attractive and is jealous.
3. They are horrible planners and can't keep dates and promises because they are aloof by default (I have friends like that, they can go by a year without even remembering to call, and without even realizing it's been close to a year...)
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I'm going to add to Dirtball's post..People say that sometimes as just a way to be friendly. "Hey we should get together sometime" Even when you exchange numbers, and even pin point a month that's good for the both of you. Again life happens and things come up..it's possible that they had so much going on they just simply forgot about your suggested get-together. A courtesy email, phone call would have been nice but not required seeing as you didn't set an exact date and time.
I wouldn't take it personally, just next time be more specific on a date and time instead of being vague saying the end of the month.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Well PiP, I could see a couple of reasons why they may have done this. Maybe one of them was laid off and they can't afford to host a party now. They wanted to, but it didn't work out like planned. Maybe they are very busy due to some unforseen situation. Maybe a family member died, or got real sick and they have to take care of them. Maybe they felt obligated to offer, but didn't expect anyone to take them up on the offer. It's hard to say. Life often gets in the way of plans, and depending on the type of personality you're dealing with they may shut down in such a scenario.
What would I do in your situation? Hard to say as I'm not a parent, but I'd probably drop it. It is obvious it's not going to happen. If you would like to get together again, maybe consider hosting another party. Maybe something around the holidays to give them some time in case they really were planning something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): I have gone through the same thing many times. And after hundred tries of making friends I have come to a couple of conclusions.
People have a tendency to say one thing then do another. She could be just being polite and not want anything more than a casual acquaintance. She could think of you so highly that she would be afraid to get close in fear you might not like the real you. Or simply put maybe they are busy.
It sounds like they like you a lot, but are choosing at this time to have you just as acquaintances. I wouldn't take it personally as I'm sure you have a lot of acquaintances that you like very much, but just don't have the time to hang out all of them. Everyone does.
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