A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:there is a guy and we used to kiss and snog but it didn't really mean anything i think it is something like friends with benefits? and we are really good friends. then he liked this girl and now they are going out. but me and him are really really good friends and we talk quite abit. i realised ive fallen for him and i try to avoid him and that kind of fails as he always talks to me and i see him around school i try to avoid him but it just fails.then the other day he texts me saying i really miss what we had and i miss all the kisses i felt special when you kissed me. i didnt reply then he said we don't really talk as much as we used to i miss that. then he said i know i shouldnt be telling you this since im going out with .... but i don't feel bad and usually i would if i am doing something bad. Then he said I know you must be thinking what the hell but i'm not a bad guy. then he said if only 3all of this made me really confused because i am trying to get over him but him saying this makes it harder should i tell him how i feel but i don't want to jerpodise our friendship.also what does he mean by saying all of this?and what did he mean by he dosent feel bad?and what did he mean by if only?please i will really appriciate the adivcethank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I've heard a similar problem before, a few times actually. If you really want to distance yourself from him you can but you're obviously not trying very hard.
He's being very unfair to you because he obviously knows you have feelings for him and by the sounds of it he's using that to his advantage. You can't be friends with him if you have these feelings for him, you can try and pretend but there isn't any point.
You need to distance yourself because this isn't fair on you or his girlfriend.
To be honest it sounds like he misses the physical part of that casual "relationship" you had before but not that he has the same feelings as you do. If you wanted you to be his girlfriend he would have taken you on dates etc... before he met this other girl.
This whole "i'm not a bad guy" thing is an act and to be honest you're probably not the only girl he's saying all this stuff to.
To be blunt he knows you like him and he knows that by using those feelings against you he can get in your pants.
If he liked you as much as you like him then he'd dump his girlfriend and be with you, it's that simple.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I had the exact same situation with a guy. We were friends, we had a fling, he started dating someone seriously and then I started getting into him. Then he kept telling me he missed me and started sleeping over at my place because we would talk for hours and he "couldn't make it home". He never left his girlfriend and I ended up feeling hurt and now we don't even talk to each other. It was a lose, lose situation.
Maybe you only want him because you can't have him. And he only wants you because he wants to see what he can get away with.
Trust me, you can distance yourself (start seeing other guys) and try to move on from the lusty feelings you're experiencing and your friendship might flourish. If you chose to keep snogging and he chooses to stay with the other girl, you're going to get hurt and your friendship might end anyway.
You have to chose if you really like this guy as a close friend or are just attracted to him. If you do decide that you're not just wanting him now that he's with someone else and you really do want to be with him, I would advise you to let him know that if he's serious about wanting to be with you, then you don't want to get into anything until you're both single.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionif only wasnt meant to come up with a 3 sorry that was typo
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A
female
reader, kbdd  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I know you want to stay friends with this guy, but your falling for him so unless you tell him how you feel and he feels the same way then please leave it alon. He may want to know if the feelings you had before are still there, yes he does sound like an ass but you were there before the other girl. Have you been paying attention to there relationship is he treating her right, or acting like he doesnt care? With him saying he doesnt feel bad is saying he doesnt care about the girl he is with thats why i ask that. That could mean yes, he is a cheater but you cant assume he would do the same with you. And when he said if only 3...hmmm the only thing that pops in my head is three people in a relationship. That could be a problem if thats what he meant because he may be trying to start trouble and falling for two girls at one time if thats the case. Please get as far away as you can you dont have to avoid him but defintely let him know your not up for the games. Its hard because you have already fallen for him but take this advice and do what you feel is best. You cant go around thinking hell treat me like this if he treated her the same way trust me...
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I don't care what your past is, the fact that he's trying to hook up with you while he has a GF is the sign of a scumbag. He's trying to have you as his piece on the side. Run away from this jerk and don't look back. Well, unless you like being used I guess.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (26 October 2010):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Don't go back to it.. You're just going to end up hurt in the end, you can stay friends but tell him to not play mind games with you. You see through his games, I'm sure he wouldn't break up with his girlfriend for you, and it's obvious that the hugs and kisses are just him trying to get sex.. Sweetheart, just move on and you'll find someone who will appreciate you, and not use you for those type of things. You'll see, god bless. xoxo. (:
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso he always comments on my picture or status. everything i would do on facebook. Nearly all my picture have comments by him
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