A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I had a petty argument this week while organising a weekend away for our anniversary, and he was really stressed out at work and I tried to help, but in these circumstances he is the better one to plan holidays as he knows who, what and where and its in his nature. What would take me 30minutes to sort out will take him 10minutes.Anyhow, the venue had made several mistakes with our reservation and due to their lack of service we cancelled everything with the venue, and I recommended we go with our original plan of going to a lodge in the same area, now due to my bf's very short and very bad temper he got angry saying that he has to do everything on his own and that I must get off my lazy a$$ and that I never take control and that I never lead and that I always wait for him to make the decisions, but then when I do he feels inferior. Thing is that with his job, we need to schedule around his times as my time is more flexible.. I have never been one to go on little getaways, he always has, so these things are new and if not somewhat complictaed for me to organise...yes I know that sounds silly.But in the middle of his anger and insulting me and saying that sorting this event out has been the worst experience of his life, then he said that I must grow up and that I am a f***ing idiot, which I said he must never call me that, then he cut the call.He demanded a full refund of his money from the venue.I then contacted the lodge that we had mentioned previously and when I told him that I had done that, he said good for you and you are going on your own as that he has decided to make his own plans for that weekend?I was really hurt and I haven't replied since, nor has he bothered to contact me either.He is very stubborn and I am the passive one that apologizes for things even when I did nothing wrong, and I have in the process let him walk over me because he does in his moments of anger insult me or looks down on me and self esteem goes out the window and I have come to realize that I have turned into a door mat.What hurts is that this was going to be our anniversary and now its a complete flop, and I do love him, and he loves me, but I fear the no message senario will make things worse, but I am tired of always being the one to chase when he has a major mood swing.it hurts because I feel scared of making mistakes or saying something wrong and I am scared of getting a message saying its over after a year of being togther just because of this experience.What do I do, do i wait for him to contact me first and for him to realize that he can not always treat me like dirt, or should I crawl back like I always do and suck up??
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anniversary, at work, money, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): I think your on the right track. after reading your post and explaining the situation, I really think you are in the right and he is in the wrong. He seems like a very sensitive, critical man to have made such a big deal out of anniversary arrangments. If you truly love him though, deal with it. Some men are ridiculous, and if you love them, you have to deal with it. Togethernes is all about compromise. There must be SOMETHING that you can come to terms about, and if its something that is not your ultimate fantasy, then deal with it. Thats what this stuff is all about! If you love him, then reorganize your standards. No one's perfect, and theres no reason to leave someone justt because you have a petty argument.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Nope let him apologize to you, you did nothing wrong..he had to stoop to name calling and take his anger out on you when clearly it's the other venue's fault.
I say take the other lodge trip and have a weekend getaway by yourself, or better yet take your best girl friend...Have champagne, relax on a big fluffy bed, give each other pedicures, and detox in the hot tub.
If he can't man up and apologize for taking his anger, stress from work and this venue ordeal out on you..then it's not really worth it to continue this relationship. Give it a couple of more weeks, you still have no contact then I would assume it's over. Now if he does call and apologize, I would talk to him about his anger, let him know it's become an issue in this relationship and if he would like to stay together then suggest that he seek counseling for his stress and anger.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I think that you need to stand up for yourself. How he treats you isn't right. Now he's being a complete jerk when you did what he wanted? Nah, screw that.
You enable him to be this way when you cave and apologize for things that aren't your fault. You encourage his behavior and give him power over you. Even if that's not your intent, that's what your behavior is doing.
I suggest waiting for him to apologize. If he doesn't within a week, then it's time to walk. To me, this sounds like borderline abuse, so I have little sympathy for him. You deserve better.
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