He said he'd stop making comments about other women, but I'm afraid my trust is already damaged
Q. I've been dating an incredible man for the last two months who is thoughtful and kind, caring and loving, he's super sweet and considerate. The way he treats me is great. He is always reliable and consistent, things like offering to drive me home ...
A. 5 February 2015: What other things does he do that bother you??... (read in full...)
He's my Best friend's brother and 3-4 years younger than me (I'm 19) and I'm falling for him. How can I get over him?
Q. Hi I am in a dilemma. A while back my friend had a birthday party, which we all had alcohol. I had just a bit too much and started hanging all over my friend's brother, crying into his shoulder. It ended with us almost making out, but she w...
A. 4 February 2015: Uhh, one way to get over this is to schedule a tour of your state prison. You're in the US, where the age of consent is 18. You're an adult and he's 15. Can you say "Statutory rape" or it's younger brother (pun intended) "Committing a lewd and ... (read in full...)
First partners and oral sex?
Q. When you dated your first boyfriend, did you give him oral sex?...
A. 4 February 2015: Nope. I was 15...they didn't have internet porn, and regular porn was scrambled. It would have been hysterical to give a scrambled blowjob. :D... (read in full...)
He said he'd stop making comments about other women, but I'm afraid my trust is already damaged
Q. I've been dating an incredible man for the last two months who is thoughtful and kind, caring and loving, he's super sweet and considerate. The way he treats me is great. He is always reliable and consistent, things like offering to drive me home ...
A. 3 February 2015: Look at it this way - he may be a buffoon, but he's YOUR buffoon. After reading WiseOwle's post, It *is* probably more of a culture thing. I don't think he realized that he was being disrespectful, because it may be more acceptable to be more open ... (read in full...)
He said he'd stop making comments about other women, but I'm afraid my trust is already damaged
Q. I've been dating an incredible man for the last two months who is thoughtful and kind, caring and loving, he's super sweet and considerate. The way he treats me is great. He is always reliable and consistent, things like offering to drive me home ...
A. 3 February 2015: You need to be straight. He didn't destroy your trust. He wounded your ego and stung you in your insecurity. That is very distinctly different. If he had secretly gone out on a date with your instructor, THAT would be a break of trust, not ... (read in full...)
How long before we have the exclusivity talk?
Q. This is maybe a dumb question but I met this girl about two weeks ago and we have really hit it off and get together several times a week, text everyday. I would like to eventually become exclusive with her but I'm not sure how long to wait/bring up ...
A. 3 February 2015: I agree with Honeypie. If you've gone sexual, this is the time to talk about it.
Be very careful, because 2 weeks is really fast. Don't start telling you you love her at 3 weeks, and don't start calling her "my future wife" at 4 weeks and so o... (read in full...)
Should I feel so betrayed? He lied by omission about visiting a Lap Dancing Bar.
Q. My boyfriend has totally betrayed my trust, and all he can say is he hasn't actually cheated on me, all he did was go to a lap dancing club but he lied about where he was going so he might have well cheated on me. He went with a group of friends...
A. 31 January 2015: Well, he DID betray you. Going to a strip bar for naked women to rub themselves all over his genitals for money *IS* cheating. It is not like porn at all.
Do you think a guy would put up with a woman going somewhere where either SHE is rubbing ... (read in full...)
How can I get the number of my crush without too much trouble?
Q. There is a woman that I have a crush on who I worked with temporarily before I had to leave job. I wanted to get her number while I was there but someone was always around and other coworkers were beginning to notice that we liked each other. I have ...
A. 30 January 2015: You are in your 30's! High school waved bye bye to you a long time ago. You no longer have to go ask a friend for her number. You know where she is (her job), so bite the bullet and go see her. Make it quick, tell her you're interested in ... (read in full...)
Fwb does he love me?
Q. What started as a casual NSA fwb has turned into a year long relationship so far. This guy I've been seeing and I have the strongest sexual chemistry ever, we spend a ton of time together talking and hanging out, we talk through email almost ...
A. 30 January 2015: He wants to be exclusive, which means he's on his way to loving you. That takes time, and he is definitely wanting a relationship. There's a saying -- first learn to stand before you learn to run. Don't go from sitting to running before learning ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by "soul mates"?
Q. I've been friends with a guy for 3 months now and we have a lot in common and he said we're like soul mates since we have a lot in common. What does he mean by that, or what is he trying to tell me?...
A. 29 January 2015: If he's as young as you are, he's saying that you two click and that he has feelings for you. He doesn't quite understand that three months is way too soon to be having "soul mates".
Just take it as a compliment, because he's into you. NOW, if ... (read in full...)
Husband wants oral sex 2-3 times a week but sex only once a month?
Q. I have been married for for 3 years together for 13. I've been haveing this issue with him for 2 1/2 years. He wants oral sex about 2-3x per week, but no sex. We have sex once every 6months only if I intiate it. I have spoken to him about it ...
A. 29 January 2015: If this has been a pattern for years, then you need to do more than talk to him. YES, it is very selfish unless he's also reciprocating orally with you or making sure you are getting yours as well.
What is his response when you talk to him abou... (read in full...)
Do all romatic relationships end in breakup eventually? If we lived long enough could we tolerate our partner for eighty years? What happens over time that causes the breakup? Is it inevitable?
Q. After two long-term relationship failed, im beginning to wonder am I at all the cause. Im lesbian for starters, and I connect really well with females. Obviously somewhere I lost connection. My first relationship was 3 years... it ended bc my ex ...
A. 29 January 2015: A question like yours is one that needs to be answered by reading between the lines. I just had to read through this once to see the issue, which is one of those "issues in disguise" because it camouflages as "noble" or "what you're supposed to be ... (read in full...)
He seemed really interested in me, and then vanished off the far of the earth!
Q. Hi there :) I met a guy about 2 months ago and we really hit it off. At first he was super keen and was constantly texting..ten over Xmas/ new year he went home to his parents and I hardly heard from him. As soon as he was back we started to speak ...
A. 29 January 2015: He most likely would have vanished anyways, but your seeming drama probably accelerated it.
The real reason was that he got what he wanted, which was sex. The two months were nothing because he was gone most of that time.
He probably c... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't support my passion for competing in beauty pageants!
Q. So my BF has recently told me that competing in beauty pageants is a complete waste of my time. That I need to focus on career and becoming a wife and having more kids. I'm 30 and recently auditioned for a pageant and got in. It's coming up in a few ...
A. 29 January 2015: DROP the guy.
I had a friend who is still in pageants in her late 40's. It's a hobby to you and something you like to do. It's not his place to tell you which hobbies you should and shouldn't have.
He's putting you down because they're ... (read in full...)
Is marriage really as bad as it looks?
Q. I've noticed that when married people talk about marriage, they rarely sound happy. It's usually described as hard work, a battle, or a series of ups and downs. It's a land of expanding waistlines, pointless arguments, sweatpants, crying babies, and ...
A. 29 January 2015: A lot of marriage detractors say that marriage was constructed for a woman's benefit, and the guy is roped in, where he stands to lose everything if she gouges him in a divorce.
In reality, marriage was a man's thinking, as it granted him the abil... (read in full...)
I had considered asking if she would let me masturbate to her but I don't want to come across as a creep. Is there another alternative?
Q. Hi. I am stuck and am open to advice. My cousin and I have been close as "brother-sister" while growing up. She is a few years older then me but we are both in our twenties. I have always had a crush on her but when we were teenagers while ...
A. 28 January 2015: Asking to masturbate to her? How many "no"'s does she have to put up with before you get the picture?? She isn't interested in you like you are with her. To keep pushing puts you close to borderline stalking with hints of sexual assault.
From ... (read in full...)
I'm an underpaid nanny. What should I do?
Q. I've worked for this family for a bit over a year now. I'm honestly starting to feel like I'm underpaid compared to other Nannies. I m a certified nanny with CPR/ First Aid training. Hence I get paid 300 a week with no taxes taken out (7.50 an ...
A. 28 January 2015: There are two things you can do.
One, you can negotiate with your current employers for higher wages and/or benefits such as vacation, sick time, or health insurance.
Two, you can update your resume and search for better paying, better t... (read in full...)
Conflicting school trips! Do I go camping or competing?
Q. Hi everyone, So recently I've been selected to represent my school in one of the biggest competitions amongst international schools. Unfortunately, it clashes with another school trip which is a camping trip that you'll receive award for as well....
A. 28 January 2015: First of all, way to go for even having a choice like this to think about! You wouldn't even have the opportunity to represent your school if it weren't for your hard work and dedication, so no matter what, you are awesome!
Writing pros and cons... (read in full...)
Who should be her priority, her husband or her adult child?
Q. I have a question and I desperately need an answer. My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years. She has a son approaching 29 years of age from her first marriage. He lives with his father. Her ex suffered a heart attack a few years ago, a...
A. 27 January 2015: Temporary, yes, if he was living there as as full-time carer of his dad and needed a place to stay until he got his bearings and found a place to live.
Permanently, no. He's an adult out of college who should be supporting himself.
My ques... (read in full...)
Does he not appreciate my virginity?
Q. My boyfriend and I have very different sexual backgrounds: he has had many partners but I have never had sex with any of the people I have dated. I'm 23 and I have always wanted to have sex with "the one" aka the person who loves me to death and I ...
A. 27 January 2015: You've gotta be really careful with your attitude, because you put him down because he isn't a virgin. You not sleeping with others doesn't make you better or worse than those who have, and calling them "sluts" simply because they are sexually ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by my assistant. Does she like me?
Q. Is she enjoying my company? Just wants my attention or liking the attention? Or am I being too available and too nice? I own a business and I have an assistant who has worked with me for almost 3 years. We only work together when we have a gig. ...
A. 26 January 2015: Holy smokes. I don't believe you realize how much fire you're playing with, my business owner friend.
The real question you should be asking yourself, and you should use your BRAIN to do it, is whether or not you love your business. We'll se... (read in full...)
I found out my b/f was watching anal sex pornography and told him it was deal breaker. I still think he's watching it and lying about it!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year and I've known vaguely that he watches porn for most of our relationship. However, it's only been recently that I've really started to have an issue with it as I've never really looked it up (so ...
A. 26 January 2015: If you told him the words "Porn is a dealbreaker for our relationship", then you need to break up with him NOW. He will not stop watching it. He will never stop watching it. He may get better at hiding it, especially if you snoop all over his ... (read in full...)
He comments on other women all the time but never compliments me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. When we first got together he didn't make many comments about the way I look which I didn't really notice until I discovered he'll be very flattering to other women. Like he'll rave about the ...
A. 25 January 2015: That's no accident that he does that, and it's rooted in relationship politics and power. He does it about other women in front of you to keep you emotionally off-balance so that it feels like you can be replaced if you step out of line. It's also ... (read in full...)
I Like A Guy I Just Met, But This Older Woman Is Always Flirting With Him...
Q. So I'm Muslim and like a Muslim guy I met recently. Anyway, I friended him on FB and a non Muslim woman he knows has been making a flirty comment like "Rawrrrr!" or "The things I'd do to you yummy" on half his profile photos. He doesn't flirt back ...
A. 25 January 2015: Be careful, because she got the idea that it was okay to interact with him like that from somewhere! Normally, people don't go from zero to lewd virtual acts on Facebook for no reason.
Honestly, I'd actually be put off by a guy who lets someone ... (read in full...)
Those three little words, who should say them first?
Q. My boyfriend and I will have our 3 month anniversary this week so I have been wondering...who should say, "I love you," first? I have heard that it should be the man, and I would really like it to be that way...but I am nervous that he is waiti...
A. 25 January 2015: At the 3-month mark, with both of you spending tons of time together, you're burning way too fast. Saying "I love you" should be more than a feeling or a whim, and while you feel what you think is love, it's limerence, which is that butterflies, ... (read in full...)
She had oral sex before we got married and I just found this out! Was she a virgin?
Q. I am 30 years old and been married for 9 years. I was a virgin when we got married and she told me she was the same. Till after 8 years of marriage and 3 kids later she tells me that she gave out 20 or 30 blowjobs to two guys before me and she said ...
A. 25 January 2015: How did this issue come up, and why did it take 8 years inside of a marriage for that to happen?? In stories like these, that's always the first thing I think about, because that's very interesting for the context of the past to come up.
I thi... (read in full...)
Is marriage really as bad as it looks?
Q. I've noticed that when married people talk about marriage, they rarely sound happy. It's usually described as hard work, a battle, or a series of ups and downs. It's a land of expanding waistlines, pointless arguments, sweatpants, crying babies, and ...
A. 24 January 2015: Sorry -- this is going to be long, and I thought my answer would be shorter than this. But thoughts keep popping up in my mind.
I can only tell you my story. I got married when I was 24 after a 5 year relationship/4 year engagement. The rela... (read in full...)
I told him no contact and I blocked him, but he got mad. Should I unblock him to send him one last message?
Q. I started No Contact on Sunday so that I could start healing from my ex (of 10 months). Before cutting him off, I sent a one liner email saying "I wish you the best." Then blocked him on Facebook and erased him from my messenger contact list. ...
A. 24 January 2015: Yes, continue NC. Don't get all weak-kneed and nostalgic, which is what tends to happen whtn you start forgetting the bad things and start thinking all wistful.
This is the part where you fill your life with other things to fill the ex-sized... (read in full...)
Should I spend all my money to move out (and become broke), or wait for my dad to give me money?
Q. I want to thank everyone here that adviced me in the past. I was previously anonema but forgot my password so I had to create a new account. Your words really made me take a different approach towards handling certain situations in my life. I have...
A. 23 January 2015: You know, in matters of financial dealings, there'a a hard and fast parable that I'd like to share with you. I can't take credit for it, because the book "The Richest Man in Babylon" was where I learned it, which was one of the most profound books ... (read in full...)
I told him no contact and I blocked him, but he got mad. Should I unblock him to send him one last message?
Q. I started No Contact on Sunday so that I could start healing from my ex (of 10 months). Before cutting him off, I sent a one liner email saying "I wish you the best." Then blocked him on Facebook and erased him from my messenger contact list. ...
A. 23 January 2015: Ahhh, I am proud of you, OP! You did what many other people in your position either fail to do, or justify their lack of backbone in dealing with.
The guy is a master manipulator, and he got really upset that his games did not work on you. Hi... (read in full...)
Suspect fiance lied about past relationship, her lifestyle and degree
Q. I'm 35, had a few relationships in the past, lived with someone for 5 years but never felt like settling down and we split a few years ago and I've dated casually since. 6 months ago I met someone who is incredible, she works in the same field as ...
A. 23 January 2015: I'm another one who applauds doing a background check on the public records of someone you'll be potentially joining your household to! Those "background checks" check public information, not private information.
"Spying" would be checking... (read in full...)
I told him no contact and I blocked him, but he got mad. Should I unblock him to send him one last message?
Q. I started No Contact on Sunday so that I could start healing from my ex (of 10 months). Before cutting him off, I sent a one liner email saying "I wish you the best." Then blocked him on Facebook and erased him from my messenger contact list. ...
A. 23 January 2015: His little temper tantrum has to do with manipulating you.
The real question is -- are you the type who is weak enough to let yourself be manipulated, or do you MEAN "no contact" when you set your mind to it??
If you got to this point, then... (read in full...)
How should I tell my ex about my new girl friend?
Q. My relationship is great with my current girlfriend but my ex girlfriend is still in love with me and we are best friends but how do I tell that I'm with someone else without hurting her because I still wish to be friends with her still but he...
A. 22 January 2015: No way. She's not over you, and you're being unfaithful and disloyal to your current girlfriend by keeping contact with her. Like the other aunts have so correctly pointed out, you and your ex are NOT even close to platonic. You are sexual ... (read in full...)
What was he trying to do at the party?
Q. I have a boyfriend who I love! However, at my Christmas party, one of my colleagues told me he was sexually attracted to me, could see he wanted to make moves. He told me that his girlfriend did not stay in shape for him and he wasn't happy with her ...
A. 22 January 2015: YOU have a boyfriend, so what are you doing being disloyal to him?? Not only that, but to a hideous disgusting morally bankrupt cheater who not only was disloyal to his girlfriend, but bashed her to try to get in your pants.
What is there to... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend fantasizes about big girls, why does he want me to be fit and in shape??
Q. My boyfriend is into big girls sexually. Big blobs and bums and pretty faces, chubby girls. He watches porn of this variety and has told me it's a thing he has. Said he had sex with a fat girl once and didn't enjoy it at all. So why still the fa...
A. 21 January 2015: I think actually your answer is in the last paragraph:
He works in the fitness industry.
Yes, he is into you, attracted to you, the whole package!
A lot of what guys choose is because of society rather than personal private fantasies. That... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting when my Boyfriend ignores boundaries and behaves disrespectfully towards me?
Q. I am a 28 year old female, been with my boyfriend for a long time (over 10 years), although in the beginning we were off and on. Roughly 6-7 years ago, we were broken up and he dated a girl for a few months. He still said he wanted me back a...
A. 21 January 2015: OVERREACTING? You've wasted 10 years of your life on this cheating loser, and I doubt anything we say to you on here will snap you out of doormatting for this guy. So what do you want, exactly, because nothing short of cutting him out of your life ... (read in full...)
She's 18 and I'm 15. Met online. Never talked on phone. Never met in person. Should I do as we planned or what?
Q. Hello Aunts and uncles! So, I met this girl some time ago (maybe 6-ish months or more) she's 18 and I'm 15. We both have admitted to liking each other, and we've sent pictures of each other (her more than me because it's a bit more difficul...
A. 21 January 2015: Actually, I have a better term than "catfish", and that's "jailbait".
Given that the age of consent in the US is 18, you really should stay away from over 18 people on the internet. You also are using her to get out of your home situatio... (read in full...)
Am I doing anything wrong? I like a married man and he likes me.
Q. please advise:- I like a married man, he likes me too. we share intimacy like few kisses/smooches /holding hands etc but not physically involved beyond that extent. we like each others company he is a top level guy in my office and I've been emp...
A. 20 January 2015: Uhh, besides the moral implications of what you're doing, and the fact that you are an accomplice to his horrific treatment of his wife, someone who has pledged her life to him, and you're not paying attention to how he treats those he says he ... (read in full...)
How can I get my father to give him a second chance?
Q. Hello, I am a mature senior in high school who has experienced a lot at this point in my life. I dated a boy who was a couple years older than me for over two years. He was my high school sweetheart and we were madly in love. He was a part of my fa...
A. 20 January 2015: One other thing -- it wasn't a "Tragic mistake", and it's profane for you to refer to what he did as a "tragic mistake". "Tragic mistake" would be investing in a stock before it crashed, or someone falling through thin ice playing hockey.
What ... (read in full...)
How can I get my father to give him a second chance?
Q. Hello, I am a mature senior in high school who has experienced a lot at this point in my life. I dated a boy who was a couple years older than me for over two years. He was my high school sweetheart and we were madly in love. He was a part of my fa...
A. 20 January 2015: He STOLE FROM YOUR DAD?!??!
That's something that neither his parents NOR YOU should ever give him a second chance on, and the fact that you're dating him behind your parents' back is absolutely deplorable.
The moment he was caught, you shou... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to patiently wait out the engagement period and not rush marriage?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now, and we are talking very seriously about marriage (AKA he has picked out a ring and I'm waiting patiently for the one year mark to come for a possible proposal). I am beginning my second ...
A. 20 January 2015: I had a four-year engagement because we met young, knew we were for each other, but we had school goals to finish.
DO NOT HURRY! Don't even think of rushing a marriage before school goals are done. If that means his two years or your two year... (read in full...)
We started to rekindle, but he can't let go of the past!
Q. Ran into my bf the week of new year's. We instantly felt the connection again and we started talking and went out a couple of times. We live in different states now so it's a little complicated. We decided to try to see each other again and keep ...
A. 20 January 2015: You're 37 years old. When you started with the guy, you were 24-25 years old. You've wasted all of your prime years on him, got cheated on, broke up with him, which you should have done, and instead of moving on, you're flinging yourself at him.
... (read in full...)
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