A
male
age
26-29,
*r. love scienc3
writes: My relationship is great with my current girlfriend but my ex girlfriend is still in love with me and we are best friends but how do I tell that I'm with someone else without hurting her because I still wish to be friends with her still but her gets very sensitive I need help please. What should I do
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2015):
 No way. She's not over you, and you're being unfaithful and disloyal to your current girlfriend by keeping contact with her. Like the other aunts have so correctly pointed out, you and your ex are NOT even close to platonic. You are sexual without the sex, and platonic friends don't get "sensitive" about relationships. And you're more concerned about how your EX would feel rather than your girlfriend would feel knowing you are stroking your ego with your ex's esteem of you? That's messed up.
You're really mistreating your girlfriend and taking her for granted. How would you feel if she were close "friends" with an ex who was still into her and making every effort to stay in her life?? You'd find out quickly that three is a crowd, and you wouldn't tolerate it NO WAY, because guys are much more territorial.
Answer THIS one honestly as well. Is every conversation with this ex-turned-"friend" one that you would be perfectly comfortable with having in front of your current girlfriend, whether she would be standing behind you reading every word or sitting with the two of you? I'm guessing NOT.
You can't be friends with exes when you're in a relationship, especially "sensitive" ones. You cut the contact and stop thinking or caring about how she feels about your love life, which is no longer her business. Making it her business is mistreating your current girlfriend, who isn't cool with you having to answer to your ex regarding how public you are with the new girl.
I question whether you're over your ex. No guy who IS over an ex would ever talk or think the way you do. Prioritize whose feelings you care for the most here.
If your girlfriend DOES know that your "best friend" is your ex, she's one in a million, because I wouldn't put up with that sort of emotional baggage, and I don't know of ANY guys who would tolerate a girl who has an ex as a best friend, especially upon hearing that the girl hasn't told the "ex" about him. No way! How would your girlfriend react if you told her that you are in contact with your best friend "ex", yet are keeping you a secret?
You better become best friends with the curb, because you have a high potential of being kicked to it when your girlfriend catches wise to your emotional affair.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2015):
 I think you are staying friend with the ex for the wrong reasons. That by staying "friends" you two being over isn't so hard for her, you are wrong. BY staying friend you GIVE her HOPE that SHE has a chance with you again. It also makes it 100 times HARDER for her to get over you, BY staying friends and seeing you around. I know from experience. My first BF and I dated 4 1/2 years. When we broke up we tried to stay friends, but I still had a LOT of feelings for him, so I CUT ties. About a year later we ran int each other and he was dating someone else and so was I, we have been friends ever since. NOT close friends, but friends. That was... 20 years ago.
If you BOTH felt only platonic (non romantic) feeling for each other then friendship could work, but she doesn't feel that way. She still cares.
YOU can't tell the EX in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM that you have a new GF and NOT hurt her feelings. So my suggestion? GET IT OVER with. TELL her asap. OR.. don't date ever.. because it WILL hurt her feelings.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (22 January 2015):
 If it's not platonic on both sides, you can't be friends - which is why, unless there was no love connection, most people don't stay friends with their exes unless they have children together or have several months of no contact whatsoever between the break up and trying to be friends again.
She's torturing herself by trying to stay "just friends" with someone she still has feelings for and you're encouraging that pain by continuing contact with her.
You're not ready to date anyone else until you tell your ex that you both need to move on, starting with no contact with each other (at all) for several months....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 January 2015):
 If she is in love with you, then you are NOT friends. Friendship is platonic, not romantic. You will lose her, but you were wrong to keep her aroind knowing she has feelings for you. It was dosrespectful to your new girlfriend as well. You got to stop seeing your ex until she is over you as well. Only then can you be friends.
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