How did I become the family villian?
Q. A question: If a kid gets punished for something they did not do, is it child abuse even if not excessive just because the kid was innocent and the parent did not believe them? I have not been on speaking terms with my mom for years for this reason. ...
A. 19 March 2015: NOO you're not a villain!! Not to the same degree, but your mom did the same thing my mother did - and that is every mother's nightmare, to make such a profound mistake in raising your child.
In your case, your mom did the wrong thing by crying t... (read in full...)
He now lasts an hour and a half and I can't help him that long! Is this normal?
Q. I wondering if this was normal or not. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now. Before that he was single for 7 months. When we first started dating we fooled around every night for about a month and a half. At the beginning he woul...
A. 18 March 2015: Is he on pills like opiates, blood pressure meds, or antidepressants?? They delay or inhibit orgasm for sure.... (read in full...)
He now lasts an hour and a half and I can't help him that long! Is this normal?
Q. I wondering if this was normal or not. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now. Before that he was single for 7 months. When we first started dating we fooled around every night for about a month and a half. At the beginning he woul...
A. 17 March 2015: That screams "porn addict" to me. He's used to a porn level of stimulation, and he's used to his hands (or whatever he uses when he's jerking off to porn), which is why he can easily finish himself, but it takes longer with you.
If you're s... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife who drinks too much and then starts fights with the family?
Q. Hi, male 45 years old married 20 years. 3 kids...all is well, until occasionally wife drink more than she can handle and gets mean. Usually, it starts with her drinking while yapping to her sister on the phome for hours in the evening, after s...
A. 17 March 2015: SVC is right, and I can't add to her excellent advice.
I feel for your son, who at 14 shouldn't have to see what he is seeing and get verbal and emotional abuse from a drunk mother.
Do you have a smart phone with a video recorder?? You ... (read in full...)
How did I become the family villian?
Q. A question: If a kid gets punished for something they did not do, is it child abuse even if not excessive just because the kid was innocent and the parent did not believe them? I have not been on speaking terms with my mom for years for this reason. ...
A. 17 March 2015: We need details -
Why would you become a villain at 10, what did you do exactly that made them believe you were innocent...who was really the perpetrator, and what was your punishment??
When I was a kid, I got punished for something I didn... (read in full...)
He lied about having a wife and a kid!
Q. Hi, I am very sad..I am dating a guy for a year so far, he is from Iraq but we both met in US..after 6 months of being together I saw a pic on facebook of him with a baby..I asked him whos this baby..he said is one of my nephews..anyway I believed ...
A. 16 March 2015: You *DO* know what to do.
Now that you know the truth, all that matters is that you refuse to let him use you any longer. He tried to lie to you even to the point where his lies were completely ridiculous and flimsy (really?! A photosho... (read in full...)
Odd Description of Past Boyfriends
Q. My wife and I had been talking about our past including some of the boyfriends/girlfriends which we had sex with and we are cool about it i.e. no jealousy. In our discussion fell upon at least 3 of her boyfriends/flings cheating on her. Her reaction ...
A. 15 March 2015: Nostalgia can blind the best of us to the bad points of past relationships. She remembers the cheating to be sure, but nostalgia has its own appeal in escapism.
I can see a bit of your ego here as the motivator behind the question. You mentione... (read in full...)
My friend hasn't said thank you yet for my boyfriend paying thousands of dollars for a trip for us
Q. Hi all. My boyfriend was nice enough to pay for a vacation for my best friend and I. The trip is around the first week in April and the roundtrip plane tickets and hotel are completely paid for. A couple thousand dollars was spent thus far. ...
A. 15 March 2015: Food for thought here - why are *you* sensitive regarding your boyfriend's money?? If you're becoming the gratitude police about his money or his kindness, it could send off the message that YOU are intending to possess it, and that YOU feel ... (read in full...)
I told my brother his wife was cheating and now she hates me!
Q. I asked for advice here bout my sister in law cheating on brother and told him about it but i think that was a mistake because he is still with her and now she hates me and doesn't even answer the phone when i want to talk to my nephews.She has ...
A. 14 March 2015: Your little nephews are not devastated because of you. They are devastated because of her. Don't ever take that on, because if she hadn't cheated on your brother, then none of this would be happening.
You ruined NOTHING. She burned her own fami... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend manipulating me?
Q. We met online 4 months ago. Everything went fine and we started dating. She seemed like a nice, independent young woman (early thirties). She had a job, rented alone an apartment etc. After two and a half months her landlord told her that the ...
A. 14 March 2015: I don't know the rules in the UK, but if she is from a different country, does she have a proper work visa to even work?? I just thought of that one. How does the UK handle foreign health issues??
If she is from a foreign country, how do you k... (read in full...)
My baby daddy wants to wait till the paternity test results come back and then says we can be a family
Q. It's a weird situation but my baby daddy and I had a one nighter and had a baby. He ran away in the beginning so a new guy stepped in until he just didn't want a child that wasn't his. I've tried to tell the guy my baby's his for 1.5 year and ...
A. 13 March 2015: Do what is best for your child. Go to the courts and establish paternity and child support payments. The guy is a loser as a partner, but your only concern is NOT being a loser as a mother, and if you do everything with your child as the singular ... (read in full...)
I told my brother his wife was cheating and now she hates me!
Q. I asked for advice here bout my sister in law cheating on brother and told him about it but i think that was a mistake because he is still with her and now she hates me and doesn't even answer the phone when i want to talk to my nephews.She has ...
A. 12 March 2015: She is not worth your worry about whether or not she likes you. You caught her, and you did the right and loyal thing by telling your brother. If anything, your BROTHER is the bonehead who is in denial about what kind of person your SIL is.
... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend manipulating me?
Q. We met online 4 months ago. Everything went fine and we started dating. She seemed like a nice, independent young woman (early thirties). She had a job, rented alone an apartment etc. After two and a half months her landlord told her that the ...
A. 12 March 2015: Never move in after only 4 months together! Neither of you knows each other that well. And how can you be in actual love after that little bit of time? Infatuation, sure! But the woman you think you fell in love with doesn't exist. She ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he will leave me if I don't bleed during 1st time sex. I am a virgin!
Q. I have a fiance. We will marry after one year. He once asked me on chat whether i m virgin or not because he can predict virginity.i asked him how could u? He told me that virgin girls bleed on first night and non virgin doesn't bleed. So if u won...
A. 11 March 2015: This is the time where I wished like hell that losing virginity would make a man rip something inside his penis. This sort of injustice that's been perpetrated for thousands of years on women is and will forever be horrendous.
I respect your cul... (read in full...)
Curious, maybe even suspicious...
Q. My girlfriend constantly calls me daddy during sex. She also likes to role play that she is 13 and I'm her father coming to her bedroom when everyone else is asleep. Her father is deceased but I know from her mother that they, my gf and her dad, ...
A. 11 March 2015: I gave this some thought, and I'm glad I'm coming into this question after your followup, OP.
Truthfully, I would be suspicious of some trauma in her past life, but not necessarily sexual trauma or incest trauma. The sticking point with me is yo... (read in full...)
He's bad for me but I have a hard time letting him go
Q. Recently I met this guy who I thought was the greatest thing that happened to me. He always knows the right words to say and I fell for him. Now im realizing how crappy he has been treating me. He calls me every night but always hangs up on me wh...
A. 10 March 2015: He is clearly using you. I'm going to try to reason with your intellect, and maybe give you a perspective you haven't considered:
He's using you for his own sexual gratification. The level of your feelings for him matches his level of contempt... (read in full...)
I'm not very good and giving hand jobs or blowjobs
Q. Hello :) I'll keep this as short as possible... Well basically my bf and I have been together for over a year now. And recently, v talked about blowjobs and handjobs.. And well so far I'm not very successful at any of those. And like my bf feels...
A. 10 March 2015: In your case, I have advice that goes against a hard and fast rule I have always taught on DearCupid. However, I think you'll benefit from it.
I have always told guys wanting to learn sex techniques NEVER to use porn as an educational tool, an... (read in full...)
Where else can I get help? What else can I do to stop her recurring bullying?
Q. I am in desperate need of some advice here, I'll try and keep it short, thank you in advance. For the past 18 months, I have been dealing with a problem that I thought I had solved. I started off university with a girl I'll call H who became a goo...
A. 10 March 2015: Anon, I think you may be excessively internalizing this question. Nothing said about the mental health issues of the target has anything to do with your sister.
I for one won't politically correct myself in regards to a woman who is stalking... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my fiance to call his parents and check in with them when we go somewhere
Q. A little background. When my fiancé was in his late 20's he was in bad car accident and he was in a coma for 3 weeks and rehab and then went home after 3 months. That sent his parents into a frantic mode, which would be a normal response to that ...
A. 9 March 2015: Your fiance sounds like a keeper and a really wonderful guy.
I wouldn't have thought his call to them at the hotel was a mood killer. Any act of kindness or thoughtfulness or love would have made me love him more.
I would feel different if he ... (read in full...)
Where else can I get help? What else can I do to stop her recurring bullying?
Q. I am in desperate need of some advice here, I'll try and keep it short, thank you in advance. For the past 18 months, I have been dealing with a problem that I thought I had solved. I started off university with a girl I'll call H who became a goo...
A. 8 March 2015: Honeypie is right. You need to get ahead of this so you con concentrate on your grades, because high school is over.
Talk to your dean, guidance counselor, professors, and explain the situation. If this other person gets intrusive, get a restra... (read in full...)
I met the long-lost, love of my life after 20 years...but I'm married with a son
Q. How can someone I hardly knew from 20 ago capture my heart again? But I'm married with a child. 20 years ago (I was 18) I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen at a carnival. We swapped numbers and met up a couple of times and for the next...
A. 8 March 2015: I would agree with Janniepeg, though my wording wouldn't be "suppress their desires", but "discipline our own thoughts and desires".
You say that you don't want to hurt your family? You already have. You've already lied to your wife, and now ... (read in full...)
Trust is in tatters. He wants me to leave. What can I do? It was not my fault that an ex sent me photos.
Q. When I met my boyfriend I told him that a couple of years ago I got involved with a married man, but that I saw my error and nothing come of it. Today when I got home my boyfriend sent his daughter out and said that we needed to talk in private....
A. 8 March 2015: Why is this married man sending you texts with naked pictures on them?? Did your boyfriend find something that was a holdover from when you were involved with the MM, or did the MM send them after you got with your current BF??
If this MM was s... (read in full...)
He has anxiety and depression. I need some tips on how to encourage and develop a friendship with this guy to help him feel more comfortable about us as friends, please?
Q. Hi I'm in my mid 20s and would love some advice,. I have a male friend that I am back in touch with from years back. We've always had feelings for each other, but he said he doesn't want a relationship while he is fighting his depression and anxi...
A. 7 March 2015: I agree with the others. It's a conflict of interest to use his mental condition to try and get with him. You cannot be his therapist. If you truly care for him, you will step back and let him get healthy in the right way.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 6 March 2015: I kinda run differently than the others here, and I agree wholeheartedly with CindyCares when it comes to transportation. Unless you live in a rural area, carpooling and public transportation is a much better solution to getting a car.
Don't... (read in full...)
Do I tell my ex that I slept with 2 guys while we we broken up? I know he'll hold it against me!
Q. My ex and I have now been broken up for a year. He moved to a different state for a job which prompted a lot of arguing between us so we broke it off. We've kept in close contact and although we've both dated multiple people, we've recently admitted ...
A. 6 March 2015: Heh, if I were you, I wouldn't get back together with the guy. Why are you apart to begin with? That's a big deal, and if he's acting jealous over your past, I wouldn't be surprised that the reason you broke up has to do possibly with that jealous ... (read in full...)
My husband has let himself go, and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hello, My husband and I have been married for a little bit over two years. A year ago, he was diagnosed with a chronic disease. He is supposed to put it into remission a while ago. The problem is he doesn't take care of himself. It's true ...
A. 6 March 2015: He was diagnosed with a chronic disease that he was supposed to "put in remission"?? That's not like putting the car into the garage. No one is assured of remission, no matter how faithful his adherence to treatment.
There *are* chronic diseases... (read in full...)
Is it true that trust issues are ingrained at infancy?
Q. I just went to a psychologist for my suspicious mistrust nature. It is affecting my relationship. I always thought it was from bullying, but he took into account that I had been hospitalized during my early infant weeks and also incubated directly...
A. 6 March 2015: He may be right in YOUR case, but that's not true in all people. Yes, there's a nature vs. nurture issue, but speaking as a fellow "premature" (by nearly two months, so my mother said) who spent three weeks in NICU, the only thing I deal with that ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give advice of how to get through a very stressful time without taking meds?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm feeling incredibly stressed at the moment and I'm looking for some tips on how to deal with it as I'm already noticing the effects physically (restless sleep, acne, feeling anxious, aches and pains etc). It feels like everyt...
A. 6 March 2015: I totally understand what you mean by wanting to handle this without medication if preferable. However, what would your reaction be if someone came to you and told you that they had a broken leg, but wanted to heal without using crutches? You'd ... (read in full...)
Does he like me as more than a friend?
Q. So I've been getting closer with this guy, by that I mean doing more stuff together! Like me and his friend went for a drive the other day and then last night me and him went to the airport to watch planes come in and then went to the top of hill ...
A. 5 March 2015: Hmmm. The looking at other girls while he's with you and that comment you heard him make makes me think that while there might be some attraction he shares toward you, he may in fact be a player. I would be careful.
A player never "formali... (read in full...)
How to avoid Date Rape?
Q. I've been seeking out nothing more than casual sex online and made this blatant on my dating profile. However, getting date raped as a result has become a fear. I'm afraid that, in the situation where I want to take things slow, postpone the act...
A. 3 March 2015: You could and should do all of these things. Online dating has a danger as well as meeting in person. I have always researched people online that I start developing friendships with (I am married, so I can't speak to online dating), and I have met ... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my best friend's boyfriend!
Q. i fancy my bestfriends boyfriend and i talk to him alot and im getting emotions alot over him im falling for him but my bestfriend is in love with him. a couple of months ago they broke up and he was talking to me he flirted and everything we would ...
A. 1 March 2015: I agree with Honeypie!
You are young. Your emotions are going haywire, and it takes time to learn the art of placing them under your intellectual command and using reason and loyalty (another emotion) to guide you.
Your best friend is a trea... (read in full...)
Is this a trick men play? He claims he doesn't like to talk about his private business and then he tells me all about it. then he blocked me.
Q. Dear Cupids, I've known this guy for 4 yrs, we are friends actually. When I had first met, I developed feelings . He said he felt the same way and it was only till long after that he told me he had a GF who was away at the moment. The feelin...
A. 1 March 2015: This gives me zero joy, but I think only "the truth will set you free" in this case. So don't read this from the standpoint of me sitting behind a computer judging you, but rather from someone seeing you in a burning building and wanting to rescue ... (read in full...)
My friend confided in me that her husband was a cheater and then later that night he was hitting on me. Now I don't want to be around them! Help!
Q. Dear Agony Aunts of DearCupid, Something happened to me a few weeks ago that has both shocked and upset me and I don't quite know how to handle it. I am good friends with a married couple who live in the same apartment block. They like a few...
A. 28 February 2015: How long have you known them?? I'd have been suspicious that you were being "groomed". It seems so weird that this guy would get up, she would give you traumatic news, which she most likely would have talked to her husband about? Many women would ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to name our first child after his father, and for him it is not negotiable!
Q. I am pregnant and I found out that my husband and I will be having a boy. I am not excited because my husband wants to name our son after his father's name. It is a Lebanese tradition that the eldest son of the family must name his future son's name ...
A. 28 February 2015: You know, I don't believe in marriage power struggles, but giving your husband the thing he says he wants more than anything in the world from you is absolute marital capital.
I'd do it because I love him, but it doesn't hurt to have a bit of e... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a lying husband?
Q. i'd honestly never thought to see myself on one of these websites.. i'm 5 months pregnant and been married for a little over a month now. ive been with him for only 6 months. which i know sounds horrible, but my parents are old fashion and the...
A. 28 February 2015: HOLY CRAP! For you to have married this guy, you would have needed your parents' attention by law. Your husband, being 6 years older, could have gone to jail for this. Was this a "shotgun marriage" arranged to keep him out of jail, or to avoid ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to name our first child after his father, and for him it is not negotiable!
Q. I am pregnant and I found out that my husband and I will be having a boy. I am not excited because my husband wants to name our son after his father's name. It is a Lebanese tradition that the eldest son of the family must name his future son's name ...
A. 28 February 2015: I disagree with you in that because you're giving birth, you should have more authority. You have authority over everything to do with your body, but once your child leaves, he's his own person. Both of you will be equally engaged in raising him. ... (read in full...)
I broke it off with him and wonder if my feelings of anger are normal
Q. Hi, I would really appreciate some reassurance about the stage I'm at in ending a relationship. Please don't judge me, it's honestly been very hard. I became physically ill due to the stress of living with a binge drinker. I was with him for nea...
A. 26 February 2015: It is a normal stage of grief. However, your wording of your association of him concerns me.. You mention "withdrawal", "addiction", and other things that suggest that maybe he wasn't the only mentally unhealthy one in the relationship.
You a... (read in full...)
I had started to think he was the one but once he got comfortable he was disgusting
Q. I need an advice but deep in my heart, I feel that the impression is irreversible. I have met this guy through common friends. He is his mid 30s, handsome, a doctor, very smart, gentleman and generous person. 2 weeks after I met him we had sex, ...
A. 26 February 2015: Wellll, up until you mentioned his flirting with the waitress in front of you, I had my advice to you all ready to go.
However, with the drunken flirting episodes, the guy is boorish and needs to go.
Otherwise, I *was* going to say that what he... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is set on renting a house with me, but I don't know if I can afford it!
Q. hi, i am 22 and my girlfried is 19, my girlfriend of 9 months is planning on getting a flat with me next year, wich i dont feel ready for, i pay 180 a month to live with my mum and dad and am on a decent wage , and she pays 100 a month to live with ...
A. 25 February 2015: 9 months is too soon to be pressuring you into moving in together. Not only that, but it's almost like you're the warm body she's using to get out of her house. That's no reason to rush into it.
Stand your ground. If she loves you, she will res... (read in full...)
I sent my BF a long sexual message and he replied in only one word. Should I be upset? Or aAm I over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend is out of town on business. He has been in touch everyday. Says he misses me, thinks about me all the time. I emailed him a very sexually charged message today, quite lengthy, telling him what I want him to do to me in explicit deta...
A. 25 February 2015: I think it might be against the rules to post links to Youtube videos, so I won't. Just go to Youtube and search for "While I was Away: Girlfriend doesn't realize boyfriend is on Vacation".
This question reminds me of this video a LOT. Maybe wa... (read in full...)
I sent my BF a long sexual message and he replied in only one word. Should I be upset? Or aAm I over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend is out of town on business. He has been in touch everyday. Says he misses me, thinks about me all the time. I emailed him a very sexually charged message today, quite lengthy, telling him what I want him to do to me in explicit deta...
A. 25 February 2015: I'm not going to answer your direct post's question. I'm going to do what you SHOULD be doing and deal with the REAL issue at hand.
This isn't about your sexual text. This is about your trist issues with him. If you're worried that he's che... (read in full...)
I don't think my wife should be communicating with an ex, she doesn't agree!
Q. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. Unfortunately I ignored her for much of that time and we drifted apart. We recently rekindled our marriage but I innocently found something on her Facebook. I went to log in to my Facebook but it was ...
A. 25 February 2015: I'm going to go on my own here, because I don't think two wrongs make a right in any marriage.
You shouldn't have neglected her and alienated affection from her for much of the 10 years.
She shouldn't have been carrying on an emotional affair... (read in full...)
I told him I wasnt ready for a relatiosnhip then I found out he slept with someone else...
Q. I had been dating this guy for the passed 4 months around 2 months into thing he said that he wanted a relationship and that he had strong feeling for me but as i had not long got out of a terrible 3 years relationship i told him i wasn't ready just ...
A. 23 February 2015: He didn't owe you anything. You said that you didn't want a relationship. He didn't violate your trust, because you weren't in a relationship.
And, you need to know something very important - you can not and must not penalize a future relation... (read in full...)
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