A
female
age
41-50,
*ee83
writes:I have been married for for 3 years together for 13. I've been haveing this issue with him for 2 1/2 years. He wants oral sex about 2-3x per week, but no sex. We have sex once every 6months only if I intiate it. I have spoken to him about it multiple times and nothing changes. I ask him questions are u not attracted to me anymore? Do you not love me anymore? Evn have gone as far as asking if he is gay? He denies all the questions and he says I don't know and turns into a fight. Frankly, I am fed up! I think he is a selfish. I do everything for him. House is always clean, laundry is always done, meals are cooked and I work full time. Then I as think about it I start asking my self does he love me as much as I love him, why dosent he want to be with me? Ect. It really hurts your inner Soul and insecurities start setting in. I am at a loss. My next plan of action is I am not going to satisfy him anymore and see how he likes it.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 February 2015):
 Its been a week OP, since you asked your question, I hope things are starting to change between the pair f you.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (2 February 2015):
 Your strategy is working. He's starting to understand how it feels to be denied what he craves.
He thinks it's OK to deny you for 6 months, but he sulks if you deny him for 1 day.
It is important that you do not give in to his sulking. Think of this as the medicine he has to take if he's going to get better.
I expect he will retaliate in other ways.
Be strong and stand your ground.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2015):
 Let him sulk. How old is he? 5?
Enjoy your peace and quiet doing the shopping and stuff. MAYBE leaving him home will give him time to think.
You have carried the marriage by yourself so far, LET him take over. If he doesn't well, then you know it's time to walk away.
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A
female
reader, Lee83 +, writes (1 February 2015):
Lee83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all, thank you for all you advice! I agree with you all. Well I have been denying him. Last night he got upset mind you it's the next day snd it is carrying over into today. Last night he sulked. Then today he said to me have a nice day! (Meaning he is being a wise one - it's Sunday and we do all of our errands together, basically telling me he does not want to be around me because he got denied the night before. I know this because I know him!) He makes me angry how selfish he is. It's really making me disgusted with him. So now, my problem is he is sulking and looking for a fight with me...
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (30 January 2015):
It sounds like you are just his servant, doing all the household and bedroom duties, and he's taking you for granted.
Do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution?
If you keep giving him blow jobs and doing all the household chores, then you're part of the problem.
If you want to be part of the solution, STOP giving him blow jobs, and STOP doing some of the household chores.
He needs to learn what it feels like do be denied sexually and feel frustrated. You've tried telling him, but he's not listening, so you need to show him what it feels like.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 January 2015):
This seems like a lop sided arrangement, he gets a nice clean house, he gets home cooked meals, he gets his clothes laundered and ironed and h e has a wife who contributes to the household by working a full time job, he also gets headjobs two or three times a week.
What are you getting, apart from a irregular sex with a reluctant participant once in a blue moon?
He is lazy and disrespectful. He isn't interested in contributing to the marriage in a meaningful way and he doesn't give two hoots for you.
Stop with the HJs if that is your plan of action, I would also stop doing all the housework as well, let him pick up some of the slack, he is big enough to be washing his own clothes, and big enough to be taking turns with meal preparations.
And put an exit plan in place, make sure you have some money put somewhere he is unaware of, start a little saving plan, I have a feeling it is too late for this dud of a husband.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 January 2015):
 May I offer my sage advice about this predicament. To wit:
If two people have widely varying sensual/sexual/intimate preferences.... then they must EITHER bring their S/S/I preferences in to concert, OR agree that they are not sufficiently compatible to continue spending time with one-another.
I've "been there; done that" and recognize the mental price that a partner pays when this incompatibility comes to the fore.... and it ain't pretty. YOU can and should STOP reflecting what's going on back to yourself.... AND reconcile to yourself that your hubby really doesn't give a darn about you... and steel yourself that your "marriage" is over. Get a better partner and husband next time.. ESPECIALLY now that you know, better, how important THIS compatibility is....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 January 2015):
 If this has been a pattern for years, then you need to do more than talk to him. YES, it is very selfish unless he's also reciprocating orally with you or making sure you are getting yours as well.
What is his response when you talk to him about it??
And why do you have to ensure that the house is perfect and the chores are done if you work full time as well? Why isn't he helping?
Your next plan should be when he asks for oral, tell him "Me first". Get yours first, and then he gets his. It's simple. He *has* libido, but just doesn't feel like thrusting. pfft. He may also have gotten used to your mouth and his own and possibly porn as well, and he may not get the friction he needs in intercourse, which is increasingly common.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2015):
 When my husband and I first got serious we were very sexual and I started the "sunday morning is for blow jobs" rule. this meant that I would WAKE him with said activity. He did NOT have to ask.....
time goes on, life gets busy and comfortable and you make less time for sex, and one day he says "what happened to sunday mornings is for blow jobs?" since I had stopped waking him....
and I smiled and said "sunday morning is for blow jobs as long as hump day is properly celebrated"
he got the message.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2015):
I would tell him. Sex is a two way street. A WIFE's job is not to SATISFY her husband. To be his maid, cook, housekeeper and sex-toy.
To me it seems like he is taking you 100% for granted. Maybe because when he WANTS blowjobs HE gets them. After all you have done this for the majority of the marriage.
I don't think calling him gay is helping you. It has nothing to do with being gay. My guess is, he just can't be BOTHERED to please you. I also don't think it means he doesn't love you, it means he doesn't RESPECT you.
I would tell him, I'm not satisfied and I think you aren't either. So I'm not going to give you blowjobs on demand no more.
TALK about what you NEED from him. Not just the sex. I think you two have fallen into a really ugly routine and you need to help each other fix it. If he isn't willing what then? Will you stay in a marriage where your partner doesn't respect you and takes you for granted?
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