A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, So recently I've been selected to represent my school in one of the biggest competitions amongst international schools. Unfortunately, it clashes with another school trip which is a camping trip that you'll receive award for as well. There is a replacement trip for those who misses the real trip for this competition. The thing is, I know my boyfriend really wants me to go for the camping trip but then my coach wants me to go for the competition... And well, my boyfriend said he won't interfere with my decision but I know for a fact he won't be very happy about it. I have no idea what to do. I'm planning to like talk to my boyfriend about this and see what he says... But I'm really scared that he'll be unhappy. What should I do? Pls help! I really don't mind going for either of them.. And well, both benefits me in some ways. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (29 January 2015):
 I don't know if others noticed, but the competition is the one that she can do another time and she'd get an award for the camping too - so, if she can do both, I think she should :) If you can't do both, I'd advise doing the competition!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 January 2015):
 First of all, way to go for even having a choice like this to think about! You wouldn't even have the opportunity to represent your school if it weren't for your hard work and dedication, so no matter what, you are awesome!
Writing pros and cons to each decision helps a lot throughout your whole life. Thinking things through is a skill that's 10 times more valuable than much of what is learned in school, if we're being honest. Knowing the capital of Uganda versus critical thinking and a cool head..I'm going to go with the critical thinking.
I will tell you what I think based on what you wrote.
On one hand, you have the camping trip, and the biggest thing I see here is the replacement trip you can take if you can't make the primary one. That in itself makes the competition you were selected to go to the more viable one to do.
As for your boyfriend, if he is a true boyfriend, he will be happy for YOU that you have been given an opportunity like this. Alternatively, why couldn't he go to the international competition with you and then BOTH of you go on the replacement camping trip? That would kill two birds with one stone, and you'd have his support as you represent his school AND he'd get what he wanted -- meaning he and you would camp together.
The international competition would open a lot of doors for you that you may never have the opportunity to have open again. All of those years of hard work - these moments are what you work for.
Do you know who Adele is? The singer? She faced a decision similar to yours, to be honest. She got a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to sing to an international audience in 2008, one she very nearly didn't take because it would stop her from being at an event with her boyfriend at the time. She was obsessed with this guy too - loved him to the point of distress. She had cancelled previous engagements when they took her from him because he put pressure on her to be available...or she put pressure on herself to believe that he would leave if she didn't.
She made the decision to go to this opportunity in 2008.
She sang on Saturday Night Live, which was one of the highest rated episodes in the history of the show, especially due to the elections.
She catapulted to fame as a very direct result, winning the 2009 Best New Artist Grammy.
Her boyfriend left her.
She wrote a second album, 21, which shattered sales records all over the world, inspired by the pain of her breakup.
She is now in a very happy relationship with a guy much better for her, and they have a son she loves.
How would her life have gone different if she hadn't taken the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?? Her boyfriend would have left anyway, because you either love someone or you don't, and selfish love or love based on fear of losing isn't love to begin with.
Go represent your school and WIN. Show them what true strength is all about! And...good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 January 2015):
 I say competition. YOU did ALL the work and got selected to go.
You BF will get over it, HE should be SUPER PROUD that his GF is selected and going to compete for the school! And so should you.
Don't make this about your BF, this is an OPPORTUNITY for YOU. YOU can ALWAYS spend time with the BF, or as much as your parents allow.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (28 January 2015):
 Go to the competition.
You have been working hard and training for a competition, not only that your coaches and your fellow competitors will also have been putting in time and effort in order to represent your school. You don't say what you are competing in, but if it is a team game, then really you should put your team mates first. How many people will you let down if you miss the competition?
At 13-15 your "boyfriend" should have no say in what you choose to do. If he throws a temper-tantrum then he isn't really thinking about what is best for you, only about himself. And who wants a selfish boyfriend?
There will be plenty of other opportunities to go camping, but if you turn down the chance to compete, well... they may not ask you again.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (27 January 2015):
At 13 - 15, your boyfriend should have no say and you shouldn't mins making him "unhappy"; it's not his decision.
If you can do one another time, do the one that you can't do again, then do the other one when you next get the chance.
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