A
female
age
36-40,
*ure
writes:please advise:-I like a married man, he likes me too. we share intimacy like few kisses/smooches /holding hands etc but not physically involved beyond that extent.we like each others company he is a top level guy in my office and I've been employed in an entry level position. It's not a secret relationship. however he never forces me to do anything.we dont roam,meet, hang around. Its only when in the office. If i have some work i can go to his office and chat for a while, but that's hardly once or twice a week. In front of others we are just normal.however we share our secrets, happiness whenever we talk together.When i told him i will stop seeing him, he was ok with it- he thanked me for being there with him and spending time with him, and he just said he hopes i'll spend time in future with him too, but didn't insist I stay. however i choose not to leave him and stay as we were. our relationship is still the same, we care for each other (of course i care a lot more than he does because i like him a lot ) he just started caring a bit more because I'm genuine girl.he never initiates physical intimacy, instead i give him peck on a cheek if i feel like doing that.Please advise if im doing anything wrong or its just that being young im being naive.
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female
reader, sure +, writes (21 January 2015):
sure is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much all of you. Honestly i knw it isn't right but i hav caught myself in this cause he is d only person at work whom i like, rest all are too mean. I really have no intention to be a CAD. Its may be a situation where im just pacifying myself. Im feeling terrible. I hv gone through a lot if upheavl enitiinal ride coz he doesnt care much for me and i was jst a fun for him.
A
female
reader, sure +, writes (21 January 2015):
sure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much all of you. Honestly i knw it isn't right but i hav caught myself in this cause he is d only person at work whom i like, rest all are too mean. I really have no intention to be a CAD. Its may be a situation where im just pacifying muself myself. Im feeling terrible. I hv gone through a lot if upheavl enitiinal ride coz he doesnt care much for me and i was jst a fun for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): this sounds like a recipe for disaster...right now both of you know you're prepping for the next step. Quite sad really
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Sooner or later you will end up in bed with him. There is nothing good will come out of it trust me! .Just leave him before it gets to that irreversible point.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 January 2015):
LIKE..........LOVE. There is one word missing in between those two words...LUST. That word is a very dangerous word, and has destroy many, oh so many marriages.
Guess what happens when your marriage breaks up? LUST is the first thing to leave you...and that person you wanted so bad at first, sometimes becomes the last person your want to see.
LUST...Learn it, Understand it...Avoid it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): You're being a cheat by engaging in a covert relationship with a married man. Yeah, in our society that is considered wrong. If you were able to steal money from your company in small enough amounts to get away with it without anybody noticing, is that wrong? Of course it is wrong. And it is analagous to what you are doing with this married man. But you seem to think that just because you can get away with doing something wrong, and be able to reap rewards from it without facing any negative consequences, makes it not so wrong anymore. You are only seeing the reward of it all because the repurcussions of your actions haven't yet caught up to you. You are playing with fire and creating bad karma for yourself. You can take the high road by taking on the task of redeeming this situation yourself or keep being a cheat and wait till it is out of your control and it all blows up in your face.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Uhh, besides the moral implications of what you're doing, and the fact that you are an accomplice to his horrific treatment of his wife, someone who has pledged her life to him, and you're not paying attention to how he treats those he says he loves, you're also blowing up your career.
You're entry level -- he's a higher level, which gives you a reputation and can leave you unhirable/unpromotable, you're not considering that you're messing up your job. That's your livelihood, what you went to school for, what you eat from, your dreams and aspirations.
Unfortunately, if and WHEN the crap hits the fan, you will be the expendable one. He will toss you out with the garbage, and the company will back him because he means more to the company than you do. Then any future employment you seek will have that taint because your permanent record will have that you were unprofessional and engaged in a severe conflict of interest.
When his wife finds out, he will disavow you -- say that you're nothing, that you mean nothing, that you seduced him, that you were trying to get ahead in your business, that he was "weak", that you came on to him, that you knew what you were doing, and that when the "whore" gossip starts, he will be nowhere when it comes to someone coming to your defense.
You'd better stop this nonsense now while you still can. There are too many reasons, and we haven't even started on the infidelity ones yet! The other aunts are covering those nicely.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Picture this..you're married and your husband comes home one night and says "Sweetie, there's this young woman at this office and we hold hands and kiss and I tell her my thoughts..but I'm sure you are ok with it, right??" What do you think you would say??
I am scared for you if at your age (is that your correct age??) that you think what you and he are doing is ok...How can it be ok?? You are treading a very thin line that could easily go into a full blown sexual affair.
I have to ask..why are you on here asking us if its ok? Do you expect one of us to tell you that it is ok? Its not..not at all.
And I agree 100% with Aunty BimBam..I'd start looking for another job ASAP because if wifey finds out..you will be GONE...GONE...GONE. And watch out for the wives of men who cheat..you never know what the woman might do. STOP what you are doing right now and have some respect for yourself and marriage. You aren't a silly little teenager!
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (20 January 2015):
Of course you are doing something wrong, he is being a cad and so are you.
Leave married men be and find someone who is available.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Well, you don't care that he has a wife. Perhaps he may have kids as well.
Yes, you're doing everything wrong.
You're making mockery of his marriage, and you're soiling your reputation in your office. Don't delude yourself into thinking people don't know what you're up to. Offices are filled with prying eyes, gossip, and suspicion. The smiles you receive from co-workers are fake, and they will turn on you in an instant. You can't blame being young or naive. You're an adult, and you know precisely what you're doing.
Continue to enjoy it as long as you please. It's when the karma comes around that you'll regret it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 You need to ask yourself, "if I asked his wife if I was doing anything wrong, what would HER answer be?"
Do you think his wife would say "sure honey, go for it, I am only here to wash his dirty underwear and pick his wet towels up from the floor"
You don't mean anything more to this man than a bit of fun on the side, and if his wife finds out you will be without a job.
Down this road lies emotional hurt and unemployment. Stop being so silly and treat your workplace, and yourself, with some respect.
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