A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ran into my bf the week of new year's. We instantly felt the connection again and we started talking and went out a couple of times. We live in different states now so it's a little complicated. We decided to try to see each other again and keep the conversation. When I came back to my hometown, he texted me and was really excited, and we even talked about getting marry and plan for the future. Now, he is backing out of it because he can't let go the fact that I abandoned our 11 year relationship. I didn't abandoned it. I just wasn't ready to be with a person who was lying and that had cheated on me. When it came to actually getting marry, I wasn't sure if I could trust him again, so I broke up the engagement. He came after me for a year and a half. He begged me, went to my house, send me flowers, went to my job and begged me to come back. I couldn't forgive him and i eventually had to cut communications with him because we were going on circles. Now he is blaming me for not listening and he says that he is hurt and recents me. He says I was cold and ruthless during the break up. He is also accusing me of going and dating other people and that it's what I wanted to do. He is putting all the guilt on me and makes me feel guilty. I said I am sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt him but I was not ready at that time. I told him that 1 and half year that he came after me; does not compare to the 11 years that I put up with his lying and cheating. But of course, he argues that. Last night we talked, and I was sentimental and I cried and I begged him to give us another chance. I over did it, I know, I lowered myself to self pity and it's not attractive. I am not sure how to handle this situation. I am in love with him, and I want to be with him. I've been telling him that as long as we are honest with each other and there is love; we can make things work. But he keeps bringing the past and that's just not the way to go. Any advice? For the males out there: If you were truly in love with a girl; wouldn't you still move the moon for her. I was good to him. I don't understand how can a person goes from I love you and make plans and a week later say No, it's not going to work. I want to pursue him, but from what I understand, man don't like to be pursue. They like to do the chasing Am I right? Not sure what to do. I've been crying since yesterday and I just don't know how to fix our relationship.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 January 2015):
 You're 37 years old. When you started with the guy, you were 24-25 years old. You've wasted all of your prime years on him, got cheated on, broke up with him, which you should have done, and instead of moving on, you're flinging yourself at him.
You're doing the emotional equivalent of picking up a bucket, vomiting in this bucket, and then getting a spoon and eating your vomit.
This guy is stroking his ego by watching you degrade yourself. It's sickening to read about, and even more sickening because there's nothing to love about this guy. The very fact that he's acting like this now is the very same worthless man who cheated, has no remorse, and now that you've degraded yourself in front of him, will mistreat you even more until the day you die.
You don't get that time is limited. You don't have your whole life to waste anymore, and quite frankly, if you're genuflecting and prostrating yourself before this worthless cheater after wasting 13 years of your life pining after him, then you have some emotional damage that needs to be treated by a professional.
He lied and cheated for 11 years. You think he's going to change, or do you fall in love with liars and cheaters?? Get it through your head! This man you thought you love doesn't exist and never has! It was the lie he made you fall in love with, and if you lost your virginity to him, it's all the dumb bonding chemicals that are making you cling like Saran Wrap even though he's scum of the earth!
Leave him! Or go buy some salt because I hear that salt makes vomitus go down easier.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Honey, you WASTED 11 good years on this dude who CHEATED on you. And now you think "poof" he is magically changed and perfect? JUST look at how he is dealing with this, HE is BLAMING you for leaving, not a thing about HIM taking responsibility for the cheating? (which I'm guess is WHY you left).
UNLESS you two find a way to SORT out past issues, it will ONLY be a continuation of the past, and you can go waste more time on this man.
He keeps bring up the past because IT'S WORKING!!! you apologized for leaving him, you apologized for not being ready.. DID he apologize for cheating on you?
I seriously sit here wondering WHY it is that makes you think this guy is a catch. And why you think getting back together is a great idea.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 January 2015):
You might think he can not forget the past but it seems like you completely forgot the past. He is putting the blame on you and is quite literally, taking advantage of your kindness again. Where is the relationship if he blames you for his cheating? You are able to forgive him now yet he doesn't understand why you were upset.
I'm just sorry but you are being played here big time. He has you around his finger and quite frankly, you should not pressured into anything at this point in your life. Unless you can say or convince otherwise, I don't see a relationship here worth pursuing.
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