A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I will have our 3 month anniversary this week so I have been wondering...who should say, "I love you," first?I have heard that it should be the man, and I would really like it to be that way...but I am nervous that he is waiting for me to say it first.I've known for awhile now and I want to say it but I have been waiting on him.(sorry if this next part is a go around...it's hard to explain)Sometimes when we look into each others eyes I have this strong urge to say it but I hold back, but his eyes seem to say it - they look like he is wanting to say it too but holding back. Unless that is my own hoping. But it seems like we are looking at each other both expecting the other to say it, he gives me this look like he knows I'm wanting to say it...Little insight to our closeness is: We spent almost everyday together for the first 2 months because we were making up for future lost time because he was Graduating in December. We are now a long distance relationship. We have already talked about the future. One thing that sticks out was when I was teasing him the other day for his small muscles (I actually don't really like muscles so he's perfect, I was just teasing). I said, "how are you going to carry me across the threshold if we get married?" He responded, "you mean, 'when we get married.'"So...do you think he is waiting on me to say it, or just not ready to say it yet?
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female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (25 January 2015):
 I think lots of people throw around "I love you" too quickly. In three months, most relationships are dandy, no (or very few) quirks or bad habits are apparent, everyone wants to keep up appearances and be on their best, most presentable behaviour, etc. In my opinion, "I love you" should be taken seriously and when you feel love so early on, it's very likely to be infatuation with the person. That's not to invalidate your feelings; it's just that you love what you see, but you only see and know maybe 50% of each other, at the moment. Don't rush it; you can't put the genie back in the bottle unless you break up.
It may seem nice to have the other person say it first, but it shouldn't really matter if you both feel the same.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 January 2015):
 At the 3-month mark, with both of you spending tons of time together, you're burning way too fast. Saying "I love you" should be more than a feeling or a whim, and while you feel what you think is love, it's limerence, which is that butterflies, weak in the knees, near-obsessive desire for another person. Slow down and savor the relationship! A good relationship isn't a pie-eating contest where you have to rush and fret over the "next step" constantly! You're still in the "Getting to know each other" phase.
I'm in the camp of having a guy say it first. We girls are very in tune to our emotions, and we usually get where we need to go before our guy partners do (with exceptions!! I knew I'd have to disclaimer it for the evolved uncles out there!), but "I love you" is much more than just a bubbling-out of feelings.
Those words have a commitment/decision aspect to them, and deciding on whether to get serious or not, the "meet my family" issue comes up. Let the guy lead. Be patient. I'd say more like the 6-8 month mark would be more reasonable, because at 3 months, you don't know each other as well as you think!
You're also LONG DISTANCE. You don't need to say that stuff to keep the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (25 January 2015):
There's no 1st and last. It's all about the right time. If you like each other, don't play games. Its never helped anyone. Just say it when you think it's the right time. The 1st few months are always amazing. Make sure you want to say.. Don't think about right or wrong or 1st or last :)
Good luck :)
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