A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. When we first got together he didn't make many comments about the way I look which I didn't really notice until I discovered he'll be very flattering to other women. Like he'll rave about the looks of someone who is just an average pretty girl if you take away her make up. His flatmate was 'f***ing hot', his class mate was 'gorgeous', his ex was 'really hot' etc. The other day he mentioned how his friend was 'batting way out of his league' with his girlfriend who I think is a pretty enough girl but nothing amazing. I discussed this with him a while ago and he compliments me now but it doesn't feel sincere. It upsets me because I make an effort to look nice for him. I spent ages making myself look nice for our anniversary dinner the other night and all he said was 'aw I thought you were going to wear stilletos'. It's frustrating. Is this normal behavior in a relationship?
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female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (26 January 2015):
 I forgot to add that no, him acting like that isn't a part of a normal, healthy relationship and I don't think he'll change - at least not any time soon and probably never with you because he knows it bothers you (rightfully so).
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (26 January 2015):
I'd stop rating the other girls he finds attractive as "pretty enough, but nothing special" because it's an ugly, jealous side of someone's personality. Besides, you don't have to find them attractive and, quite frankly, neither does he; he just has to make you think he does, whether it would be the truth or not.
This will continue because it seems like he's either with you until something "better looking" comes along, or he just doesn't care how you feel and won't make genuine compliments any more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2015):
 I agree with YouWish, it's strategy and simple manipulation. And you know what? IT WORKS.
Do you compliment him? If not, I'd try and give him some, see how it feels to GIVE compliments for the SHEER sake of giving a compliment. Or compliment HOT guys around you, like he does with women, see what comes off it.
If YOU start to think YOU aren't good enough or pretty enough because HE doesn't tell you so, I'd consider walking away from this guy. A partner should make you FEEL like you are the best thing since sliced bread. And he/she should compliment their partner when they KNOW the partner took the time to look good.
One thing though, DON'T rely on a guy to make YOU feel YOU look good. That should come from within, whether HE notices it or not.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 January 2015):
 That's no accident that he does that, and it's rooted in relationship politics and power. He does it about other women in front of you to keep you emotionally off-balance so that it feels like you can be replaced if you step out of line. It's also to keep your self-esteem low, because if you see yourself as gorgeous, that means HE can be replaced.
You need to start at the foundation, meaning you do not need HIS validation to know that you're good looking and attractive. Having his praise is a wonderful thing, but you aren't defined by his approbation for you. You need to be sure of it on the inside, and that's what he's trying to take away from you by his actions.
If he treats you this way, you should wise up and tell him that you're moving on, because there are other guys who would be VERY turned-on by the effort you make to look good.
People who are stingy with approval should not be given approval. It sucks that women get attracted to guys who mistreat them. It's an immature thing, to be sure.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (25 January 2015):
Are you sure he doesn't do that just to tease you? Cuz my bf does that. But he also does compliment me all the time. That is not normal behaviour. You need to be with someone who thinks you are exceptional to him. Maybe after being together for so long, he might just be trying to make you jealous. Some boys do that unfortunately. But don't let him be disrespectful towards you. If you think he genuinely does not respect you in anyway, as harsh as it, i suggest you dumb his ass.Everyone always thinks grass is greener on the other side. You don't need to be with someone who doesn't see how amazing you are. But before going bonkers on him, just make sure, he isn't doing this just to tease you. Some guys enjoy making their girls feel jealous. It's just a way to enjoy the other person's love. And btw, if he is just teasing you, he thinks that you are amazing ;)Good luck
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