A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is she enjoying my company? Just wants my attention or liking the attention? Or am I being too available and too nice?I own a business and I have an assistant who has worked with me for almost 3 years. We only work together when we have a gig. During this time she has told me about the problems her and her husband have had. She would also text me during that time. She initiated the texting. I wouldn't, but I would respond to questions related to my business.Her husband separated and filed for divorce and it is almost final. Recently I wrote a letter to her telling her how much I have enjoyed having her as a friend and co worker. I told her in the letter that I look forward to getting to know her more and working with her. It wasn't a romantic letter. Just recently I have done a few things for her, I stopped by her work to give her a favorite beverage. I picked a few things for her. Ive given her a few things and she isn't rejecting them or telling me to back off. I saw her recently at an event and I thought I would see her but I told myself I wouldn't be around her all night. I see her across the room and she is looking at me, smiling. I turned away, then about 5 minutes later she came and stood next to me and we talked the whole night. When she doesn't hear from me she will text me. I like her. A lot. But she isn't telling me to back off. I'm confused. I don't know what to do anymore.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 January 2015):
 Holy smokes. I don't believe you realize how much fire you're playing with, my business owner friend.
The real question you should be asking yourself, and you should use your BRAIN to do it, is whether or not you love your business. We'll set aside the fact that you didn't mention whether or not you're single or married, because that's a whole other issue, but you are exposing your business to all kinds of danger and devastation by crossing this boundary to see an employee.
She can make up any story she likes either before or after you two enter into something consensual and tear your business and everything you have ever worked for to the ground. All it takes is a sexual harassment suit, a hostile work environment suit, a lawsuit filed by other employees of yours if she becomes abusive to them, and THOSE types of suits can and DO pierce the corporate veil. Ever hear the term "jointly and severally"? I bet you have if you've ever leased something in your company's name, especially if you're in a partnership, an LLC, or an S-corp. If you have been backed by an investor, partner or "angel", they will hold you liable for behavior on your part that exposes your company and weakens share.
You could be 100% in the right as well, but all a judge will see is YOU=boss and she=subordinate and will be sympathetic towards her.
And think of it this way -- your litmus test, "she isn't telling me to back off" will be what the jury says to you when they award her emotional distress money, their reasoning being because she was too afraid of losing her job by telling you to back off, and that you abused your power to get into her pants. Of course, if she likes you at first, it'll be magical and mutual, but if or when it sours, her story will be ironclad because you are the boss and the business owner exploiting your position to gain influence over her. Don't you realize she could say in court that you pressured her to break up with her husband merely because of the kind-meaning advice you gave her when she came to you confiding in you?? A little truth mixed into a lie makes the lie far stronger.
Honestly. From one businessperson to another, the next conversation you have shouldn't be with her. It should be with your LAWYER before you speak another unprofessional or personal word out of the workplace. You need to protect your business and personal finances before your indiscretion crashes everything down on her. THink of it this way -- I don't know what state you're in, but some states allow the aggrieved spouse to sue you for alienation of affection, and if you're carrying on at business and you OWN it, he can sue YOU and your business "jointly and severally"...there's that word again, and your liability insurance doesn't cover gross personal negligence.
Read Bob Barker's story (host of Price is Right). He did the same thing you did - started a consensual relationship with one of his "beauties" and when it went sour, she sued the socks off of him and the company for harassment, and SHE WON (settlement).
Go talk to your lawyer. The money you pay for his advice could save your bacon, and if he recommends you not mixing business with pleasure, YOU LISTEN. Not to mention if you're married, your wife will be getting 50% of that business if she catches you.
Clear your head. I know you like her, but business owners are held to much higher and much more stringent codes of conduct, and it ain't so easy. You would be devastated if this brought down everything you've worked for.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): You shouldn't spend money on women unless they are your girlfriend, or you're taking them on dates. The spending should be associated with the entertainment. Not random gifts to females you're just getting to know. Then you'll just look like a sugar-daddy.
You send the wrong message to an employee when you show interest on the job, and buy presents for any occasion other than holidays. That should be for all employees, not just one. What if you're totally wrong, and she only likes you for the nice things you do for her? Then you'll be resentful and will want to fire her.
If you want someone to like you for you, keep work and personal-life separate. Keep it strictly business, if you want to keep your business profitable.
On the job romances have destroyed many small businesses because things go wrong between the boss and an employee.
Sexual-harassment suits arise from foolish men thinking in their pants, and not keeping their minds on the job.
Bear this in mind; if you want to keep a viable business and have a life.
I never advocate romantic alliances on the job; because I've seen more problems arise from them than anything else. Use your best judgement. We live within a litigious society. My late life-partner was an attorney. He made a lot of money. Some cases were sexual-harassment. Some were settled without contest, to protect the company's reputation. He has represented either side. The victim, or the company.
If you want to date her, keep it professional on the job.
Be discreet around your other employees; and it is very unprofessional to display affection on the job.
Other employees resent women dating the boss. They feel she gets an unfair advantage and special treatment. It lowers morale. If you wonder if she likes you or what you can do for her, stop buying her things. Date her like you'd date any other woman, and mutually agree to maintain professional conduct on the job.
A new divorcee usually has a lot of debt, raw emotions, and can be pretty needy. I gather you've been married before, and know what I'm talking about? I presume you are single at the moment? You didn't mention "your" marital-status.
Married or not, you'd be better off finding available women away from where you make your money.
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