A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and uncles!So, I met this girl some time ago (maybe 6-ish months or more) she's 18 and I'm 15.We both have admitted to liking each other, and we've sent pictures of each other (her more than me because it's a bit more difficult to send on my end). We've even made a plan that when I'm 18 (she'll be 21, and just out of college by about a month) we'll meet up and up go live with her.I'm pretty set on doing this, Because we really do care for one another.Every time I date another girl, I kind of feel guilty, almost like I'm cheating, even though we've never even talked on the phone or over video (my parents have no idea who she is).Should I go through with it? I probably will anyway, I just want reassurance that not everyone you meet anonymously online is a pedophile.Any tips? I don't like living with my parents, and am eager to move out and meet her and live with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): Giving it more thought, I doubt she'll appear when it's time to "move-in." I'd bet any amount of money you'll meet-up with someone other than the girl you've been exchanging pics and messages with. You'll have to see for yourself. I just hope you're safe. You've got an answer for everything.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2015):
 I can Skype on my Kindle Fire. But it's also a brand new Kindle.
However, ALL Kindle Fire can take picture and be sued for Skype there is an APP for that (yes really)
http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Camera-Kindle-Fire-HD/dp/B00AARHSD0/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (22 January 2015):
 It's very probably that she could find out where you live by your full name and state, along with age - unless your name is as common as "John Smith".... I still think you should Facebook search her and ask her to take a picture of herself with your name handwritten on a piece of paper; there's no reason she shouldn't if you believe she's the girl in the pictures she has sent you.Honestly, regardless of whether she is who she says she is, a 15 year old would still be considered a child by law and by 18 year olds unless there's something quite wrong with them (the adult). Why would she rather have an online "relationship" with a 15 year old, instead of a real life relationship with guy her age or slightly older? This isn't anything against you, but you're still a minor and she's an adult, that's usually considered grooming because she's encouraging a fantasy relationship with future plans to be together. It's not healthy to do that, especially between a legal adult and child.Really, I think you should stop all contact; she doesn't have to be a paedophile for her interest in you to be unhealthy for both of you. Believe me, these online fantasy relationships don't end well - whoever is on the receiving end of the "break up" (if you continue getting more attached) is likely to feel rejected beyond belief (no matter how "irrational") when it ends because they didn't even have to meet "you" to ditch "you".If you don't end this situation now, I think you'll both get more and more attached for it only to become toxic for the two of you. You are both keeping the other away from the real world; maybe that's why she is interested in an online "relationship" with a 15 year old; no commitment, no grown up responsibilities, less pressure, fewer expectations, maybe easy escapism from anxiety/mental instability that should be dealt with through a therapist, but she wouldn't need to face it while you're there....Bottom line, I don't think it's wise to keep communicating with each other but, at the very least, I think you should keep it as friendship, nothing more - that includes no plans to be together in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe communicate through the app kik. And I'm sure she's genuine because she's sent me pictures that say they're directly from her camera. It identifies photos through either internet search, camera, or photo gallery.
And we know each other's last names, and the state's we love in. Nothing more than that.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (22 January 2015):
You don't have a phone or computer, but you have a Kindle Fire? o_O
She could send you a picture of her holding a piece of paper with your name (she only knows your first name, right? No address, etc.?) handwritten on it....
How do you communicate? I don't have a Kindle Fire, so I wouldn't know what it does or doesn't do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA lot of people who say it's weird that we haven't video'd is because I don't have the means to do so. I don't have a computer or a phone, and my kindle fire doesn't have a mic/camera.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 January 2015):
Let's talk about things excluding the relationship.
You want to move out but what is your plan B? You have to take things into account if they were to not work out. What if the relationship does not work out and she kicks you out? What if you do not like living with her rules? Surely, you don't expect smooth sailing when you turn 18 living with someone else.
About this person you've met online. You don't seem to know much about this person so I would take a step back on any promises you might be making.
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A
female
reader, woeismeanyou +, writes (21 January 2015):
Sounds more of a set up. She can send photos but can't talk on the phone nor skype or oovoo? Seems like a predator or someone who really are who they are. Don't move in without for sure knowing who this person is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): You could be heading into a trap. You don't like living with your parents; so you're doing things behind their backs.
You're the perfect target for online predators.
A smart-Alec kid, who decides he's going to move-out without telling his parents; because he doesn't like their rules. So now you know someone who can take care of you better.
You're the kind of kid that has to learn things the hard way. I strongly suggest you don't go. An 18 year-old girl doesn't earn enough money to take care of herself, let alone the both of you. You could find yourself kidnapped by a pervs, or end up God knows where. This is how kids are recruited into sex-rings and child-exploitation.
Troubled-kids are just the type of victims they stalk the internet for!
They'll find you either strung-out on drugs, or being used by perverts for sex. Worst-case scenario, you could end-up in a body-bag, after some creep leaves your body someplace.
Well, I've warned you. If you're as smart as you think you are, you'll give what I said some thought.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (21 January 2015):
The fact that you wonder if she may be someone dodgy is a good sign because, honestly, there's nothing a 15 year old can give an 18 year old in a relationship. If she has to meet minors online to date them, no matter how perfect she seems - you have to wonder why legal adults don't want to date her and why she doesn't want to date them.
You may not like living with your parents, but why? Who would help you pay for college? Who would help you when you're left to fend alone because the relationship isn't as amazing as you fantasised about?
You plan on meeting her after you turn 18, which is smart, but to move in when you've only just met her is silly. You'd be giving up all security for someone who may not be who they say they are. You wouldn't know until you got there, so moving in straight after meeting would be dangerous.
I don't think you'll last through those three years because, as you mature, you'll want to do things and she should take a back seat.
As someone who has, what I call, "fallen in fantasy" with online people, you have to learn to be realistic. The more you delve into this fantasy world with this girl, the more disappointed you'll be for the next few years. Nobody in real life will live up to the standards this girl appears to be, not even her.
I know you're either consciously or subconsciously using this online fantasy relationship as escapism from your real life. How do I know, even if you don't? I've been there a couple of times.
Honestly, it would be a bad idea to continue this relationship; it influences you to live in fantasy instead of reality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): I think it's weird that you haven't skyped to be honest... Also has she ever held a photo up with your name on a piece of paper next to it... I mean it could be someone using someone else's photos ojust asking for pictures of you unless you live video talk and can see her live videoing as well when you do it then I'd say it's dodgy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 January 2015):
 My song quotes of the day for you young man include
Aerosmith "Dream On"
and the obscure Kenny Nolan "I like Dreaming (cause dreaming can make you mine)"
I will NOT discourage you from dreaming this dream of meeting her AFTER you turn 18. For sadly by the time you get to 18 she will be LONG gone....
Meanwhile until you do meet her, keep the "relationship" casual...do not promise fidelity.... make sure both of you are free to meet and date other folks. DATING is NOT SEX.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2015):
EVERYTHING you wish said.
RIGHT now you are living in a fantasy land. LA-LA Land. Where you and this girl will live happily ever after.
3 years is a VERY long time to wait. And having this "relationship" online that 1. you have to "hide" from your parents and 2. is more fantasy then reality are both working against you.
YOU need to focus on YOU. Not that you can't date, but you are building "air castles" with this chick. She will be 21 and you expect her to "take care of you" once you move in with her? What about college? Who is going to take care of that? A car? A phone? How will all that be paid?
I have to say, if you CAN'T tell your parents about her, how realistic and "real" would you say this "relationship" really is? I know... it FEELS so fantastic. It's easy to think someone is perfect for you when chatting, but a GOOD, SOLID relationship takes knowing each other in PERSON. You two haven't even met, because? Well, she is 18 and you are ONLY 15. If one thing leads to another it would be trouble for her. And you.
I'd say this, TALK to your mom/dad before trying to met up. If they aren't on your side, why do you think? Because they DO have YOUR safety and BEST interest at heart.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 January 2015):
 Actually, I have a better term than "catfish", and that's "jailbait".
Given that the age of consent in the US is 18, you really should stay away from over 18 people on the internet. You also are using her to get out of your home situation, and that's not the sort of motive you should have for having a relationship.
You're young, and if there is abuse going on at home, you need to talk to your school counselor about your living conditions. I know what it's like to want to move out, but you are miles away from your 18th, and the odds that you and an internet friend will go live together while you're 18 is not happening.
Instead of looking to find someone to get you out of this situation, you need to build a life where you become self-sufficient. Think about where YOU want to go to school, your major, your study subject, your strengths and weaknesses, and I'll tell you right now -- you think a 21 year old college student will want to support you financially because you won't have much of an income, especially if you're looking to be a college student?
You don't need a girl to move out! Get a student loan and go live on campus when you're 18. Then there's no chance her getting arrested for statutory rape, you spending time with a zillion therapists, and your life derailed by pregnancy or STI or any number of things that can go wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): Heard of a catfish? It's someone who pretends to be someone else online and this has the signs :-( you never speak, you've never even video'd them. People do mad things, for reasons even they don't even know. But this person could also be saying the same to others, the pictures they send you could actually be ones someone else has sent them....
Even people who date for a few years don't just up and move on with each other, let alone with someone you don't even know, because you don't know this person you have never met them in real life.
For your own sanity block them, change your emails etc...and delete any way of contacting them. This is unhealthy and you should focus on meeting people you can actually have a relationship with in the real world instead of online.
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