A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This happened to me once. After 2 years of relationship I was about to storm out of my ex's apartment (he was my boyfriend at the time) crying (for the first time in our relationship I was crying in front of him for something he did, neglecting me) and he blocked the exit to his apartment and yelled: No! We are going to talk about this NOW! But he NEVER wanted to talk out problems before. He was the kind of man who would get very anxious about discussing problems in the relationship. The first year it was easier but as the relationhsip 'progressed' I noticed how he started to keep things stuffed inside. He preffered to forget them and continue the relationship as if everything was OK. We could be two weeks without seeing or talk to each other-because I was mad a him- and he would never contact me, and if I contacted him he would talk to me as if nothing had happened.The thing is that night after not seeign each other for like 10 days I contacted him for some reason and he asked me to come to his place as usual. I was wearing new clothes and stupidly thought he was going to like what I was wearing and was very confident about myself but he didn't make a comment. I thought I might regain a little of my confifence and control of the relationship by dressing in a way he might find attractive. The whole relationship he commented on my clothes and was attracted to me only if I looked the way he liked. Since the beginning of the relationship he started telling me what to wear and what 'looked good' on me and what didn't. I was very skinny at the time so I was insecure about my body, therefore was thankful he was giving me his opinion on this difficult subject for me. Back to the incident. He blocked my exit to the apartment and yelled what I told you already and grabbed my tiny wrists firmly and use force to keep me inside. I was kind of frustrated and happy because he was paying attention to me at last. Frustrated because I have just learned how he was getting himself involved extremely in these websites meeting other women and making lots and lots of new friends while he was neglecting me and acting as if he didn't care about the relationship. I suddenly remembered about those things I have just seeing in his computer and slapped him on the face like three times while he was trying to keep me out of the exit. We sat down and started talking and I only remembered that he promised he wasn't cheating. And told me that if he was going to cheat he would need a woman who was clean, who was mature....and started listing all these qualities like if he was already looking for that kind of woman to cheat on me.Anyway, it didn't last long and I dumped him. I know what I did to him qualifies as physical abuse but the thing I want to know is if you think what he did to me was physical abuse?
View related questions:
insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Another One +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Not only was this man physically abusive, he was emotionally abusive. Ignoring you for days and acting as if things are normal after a long period of being absent or angry is not normal. Thank God you had the sense to quit your relationship with him and move on. Don't look back; this kind of man is not worth your time.
A
female
reader, Lila +, writes (13 October 2007):
 When he grabbed your wrist and refused to let you go,that was abuse. The other things that you said he did "telling you what to wear" that was controlling. Ignoring you was stupid and immature,he sounds like a total loser and jerkoff. You are so much better off. Wear what ya wanna wear and be who you wanna be,you will be much happier.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): Yes. The law states that if you are held against your will it is faulse imprisonment and he could have went to jail.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 October 2007):
 What he did is known as "domestic violence". The law sees in a relationship that either party must be free to come and go as they please without interference from the other party. His grabbing your wrist is a "3rd degree assault"
All though this was his doing. You're physical slapping is also knows as the same. They look at what he did as a separate incident as what you did. The term domestic violence simply means the argument happened between two people who were at one time in an intimate relationship together.
If I were you, I know you dumped him, do not consider continuing contact with him. You felt good about him choosing what to wear, that great but it's also a form of control. His blocking the door, is control.
I would seek counseling if I were you. Handle the issues of your confidence before entering into a new relationship. Remember you offer what you bring to a relationship, when you have hurt and damages you bring damage into the relationship. That can be the key to making it or not.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): Sounds like you were both being a bit physically abusive. Slapping is physical abuse also. But still, leaving that relationship is the best thing for both of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): Does it matter? The relationship is over, move on
...............................
|
