A
female
age
36-40,
*oinlove
writes:I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now. We are both divorced. I am 23 and he is 39. I like the way our relationship is going and we are very happy. My mother adores him, but my dad only sees the age difference and refuses to even meet him. I know the age difference is big, but it doesn't matter to us. This was similar to a problem a faced with my father when I got married to a man of a different race. What do i do? Am I too old to let my father's opinion matter?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (12 October 2007):
If your father is not even willing to meet this guy then I can understand anybody not giving him the time to even air his opinion. If he has any objections he needs to meet up, if he has any fears he needs to talk to you about them. If he is not willing to do either of these two things then I do not see any reasons why his reasons could be considered important.
I am wondering if his approach is the "Nobody's good enough for my daughter" and the age differance like the cutural differance before is just the first thing he can latch on to. Then again you have been divorced - was the cultural thing an issue that caused it? - In other words is he in a position to say "I told you so?"
I can only imagine that it wasn't the reason for the divorce but your father sounds like he might be trying in his own way to protect you. There is a fine line between holding others away from you and holding you away from others but one is protection and the other is imprisionment.
In conclusion ask your father to justify his actions or ignore his actions and ignore his advice. It is now up to him to validate himself in all of this.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Your fathers opinion matters. Why does he feel this way. What is his insecurity in your ability to make choices. He's acting out of fear. "If I don't acknowledge it, my girl can't get hurt."
You guys should talk and iron this out. Let him know "I love this man, he loves me, we're getting married, and it would mean so much to me if I had your support in my decision." Let him know also that you really respect him trying to keep you safe, but there comes a time where you might still worry, but have to let go.
It sounds like he's trying to protect you, but doesn't know how to express openly his fear.
...............................
A
female
reader, soinlove +, writes (11 October 2007):
soinlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Tommy! I think you are right. I hate that my dad would be so quick to pass judgement, but I have been on my own for 5 years and I do not need his approval. Thanks again for your comment!
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (11 October 2007):
I think you like to show your father you are in charge of your life. You should consider your father's opinion and then make up your own mind. Be honest with yourself.
...............................
|
