A
female
age
30-35,
*LONDEandPROUD
writes:hi, im 16 and been dating a 21year old and he slept with my friend before me and she is 13weeks pregnant. Then he got with me and I'm late. I dont no whether or not to stay with him as he has offerd me crack. I'm in a awful situation.. I told him there could be a posibility and he said dont dare get rid of my child but he has one on the way! i dont no what to do can any1 help?? x x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, darksecretangel +, writes (24 October 2007):
 hey
Baring in mind the safety of yourself and your unborn child i would advise you to leave this guy. Think about it this guy is offering you crack and he slept with your mate, who is now 13 weeks pregnant. If he is offering you crack than he is probably an addict or a drug dealer. Also think about it are you going to keep the child, he told you to not abort the baby , which could be a kind of threat in the way which you wrote it. Think about it, if you dont abort the baby, then he would probably want you to keep it and just think how the child would grow up. Also if you do get rid of the baby, can you actually garantee your own safety,
Good luck x
A
female
reader, sweetnsoursauce  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 stay away from this guy!!!!!!!!! crackheads are never good news, especially when he might have gotten you pregnant. Tell your parents, they will help you. Get a pregnancy test immediately and if you're pregnant, please don't get an abortion. You need to live with the consequences of what you've done, and you will have family to help you out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): why were you even attracted to this guy in the first place? did you know he was a crack head? bad bad bad bad bad situation. stay away from him and get of the baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): There's always the adoption possibility. Don't let him see you pregnant b/c he might hurt you. If you are let this creature live please. Accept the consequences of your acts as a mature young woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): If this isn't the kind of man the women want, then maybe they shouldn't be rewarding the behaviour by mothering his children all the time.
It doesn't matter how much of a loser they see this guy for NOW, the bottom line is that there will be two more of him already.
I'll bet either one of the girls described in the question could rattle off a whole list of decent males they're acquainted with who just aren't cool/bad/old/fun/ enough to warrant giving them a shot. That's why so much of the human race is so sh*tty.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (12 October 2007):
Drop this bad news dude immediately. Get a pregnancy test and if you are pregnant tell your parents.
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A
female
reader, Titania70 +, writes (12 October 2007):
My personal belief is that, unless a baby is conceived in a loving relationship between two people that are consenting adults and not already engaged to someone else, it's better not to keep the baby. Mainly cos a) it's a tough job to bring up a young one on your own, b) it might just spoil your chances of creating yourself a career in the future. Being a mother means to have experienced life first in order to be able to pass on your knowledge and experience to a new being. You need to live your life first, study, establish yourself within a certain industry and create the opportunities that would ultimately be ideal to bring a child into this world. Finding a good man is paramount too :) drugs are simply not needed in life. The guy you got yourself involved with is having a baby with a friend of yours. It's just not ideal for anybody to be in such a situation. If you decide to keep it, either your baby or your friend's will be without a dad. How smart is that? Live for yourself for now. It's your body and your life and ultimately your choice. This guy has no place telling you what to do. Make your own decisions and make them according to what will work for you in the long run. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): He says don't dare get rid of his kid..he can't really be there for both kids, being a crack addict..nor would your baby benefit from having him in thier life. You have options if you are pergnant. How would your mom feel about raising your baby, because that is what will happen after all. It is not his choice & if you decide to get an abortion, you don't even have to tell him as he may hurt you or something if he finds out. I say get a pregnancy test. If you aren't, stop having sex unprotected, NO exceptions. And learn to make better life choices. Another thing, if you are pregnant..know that you have options. Tell your mom. My mom went with me to get an abortion. I am not proud but it's what I felt I had to do at the time and having my mom there really helped me. I also learned a lot after that experience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): Dear Blonde and Proud,
I hope you can discover something about yourself to be proud about rather than your hair color.
You have made several bad choices here, which tells me that you are not thinking of the future consequences related to YOUR behavior.
You chose to have unprotected sex, which leads to STD's, cervical cancer, HIV and Aids, and pregnancy....those are all very real possibilities. The fact that you are having sex with a drug user who knocked up your friend, means that you are having very high risk sex with someone who does not practice safe sex and could very well have HIV due to his drug use and lifestyle and the people he comes into intimate contact with.
You chose to have sex with your friends baby daddy.
You chose a guy who who has no character and is a drug user,
You chose not to care about your life. You chose to give away your body to someone who does not love you, but feels possesive over his offspring, he is a pimp.
Now you have another decision or two to make. You need to buy a early pregnancy test and find out for sure if you are pregnant. If you are not, breathe a sigh of relief and learn from the above bad choices and try to do different now that you know better. If you are, get some counseling, you have a choice to terminate the pregnancy, keep the baby and have your mother raise it (trust me, you won't be able to do it alone) and effectively change your life forever, end of your carefree childhood, or have the child and give it up for adoption. You have a choice to make about this man. He is not fit to be a father on a number of counts, I would not by any means give him any say so in your decision, nor would I give him any rights to your child...this kid does not need this loser in it's life, and needs to have the best opportunity to feel good about life and self and not be exposed to the underbelly of life.....
Now you have learned actions have consequences, start making the right choices and make your decisions right, in otherwords do the adult thing.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (12 October 2007):
 It sounds like this guy gets around and is a crack-head too. A real catch. As far as advice for you . . . you date a guy who just knocked up your friend? You should have come for advice before you started dating this guy. Since you didn't, let's hope that you're not pregnant. If you are pregnant, tell this jerk to hit the bricks and raise the baby on your own, or with the help of your parents. Good luck.
BTW, don't they teach sex ed. in the U.K.?
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (12 October 2007):
 i think you should (thats if you are) keep the baby and get rid of the guy, if he is offering crank to you leave him its going to hurt but get rid of him, even though you could be carrying his baby, be a single parent and help your friend out as well.
good luck xxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 October 2007):
 If you are, be a single parent. Your friend is having a child, raise them to be close friends, all though they'd be half siblings.
As far as the crack situation, get rid of him. Chances are if he's an addict, he may not be much in the child's life, so raise the children, love the children, protect them.
I know your younger. When I had my son, his mom was 16, I was going on 19. There will be hard times, but more good times than hard. He now lives with me, but most of his life he lived with his mom. During this time, as a single parent, she finished high school, went to college and got a bachelors in philosophy, and a minor in religious studies, moved to Hawaii and in the next year is going somewhere else to go back to school and get a post graduate degree.
Having a child may be a challenge, but gives you a big reason to accomplish your goals and become who you decide to be in live.
I wish you and your friend luck. Take care.
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