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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Do I wait for HIM to contact ME?
Q. I met a man over 3 years ago, first we just talked( as friends) then we dated then we were FWB, i fell for him HARD...........he is sweet, well mannered, easy to talk to and he made me feel so good when we slept together BUT he was not ready to ...
A. 29 October 2010: Well isn't he the modern day vampire!!!...talk about suck every last emotion from you and STILL not give you what you what you really want and need.
HE IS USING YOU!!!
Good grief girl you spelled it out for him with all your heart, you told ... (read in full...)
I thought I understood women but I guess not.
Q. 6 1/2 years ago, I met, fell in love with and married the woman I know I will always love. I’m a man in my early 40's, professional and for both of us, it was our first marriage. After a couple of years just being together, we decided to start a ...
A. 27 April 2010: It seems a bit odd that the other woman would want to move out with her children when she hasn't even met you...I was in a similar situation about 5 years ago. Without going into detail, I developed a very strong loving internet relationship with a ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my want of a threesome?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 6 years now and would like to have a threesome with my girlfriend. She does not want to. i also like looking at porn and chatting on the net and understandably this upsets her. she says the threesome(watching porn ...
A. 27 April 2010: Its called self control and doing the right thing.
Just because you have the urge, does not mean you HAVE to get your own way. It seems to be the thing now that whatever people think up in their minds, that they can have that thing...no matter h... (read in full...)
Why won't he give it to me?
Q. I have been with the same guy for over a year and half and when we first got together he had sex 4 times in like a month then all of a sudden he says he aint intrested in sex and im just the opposite i would love to have it and i do everything for ...
A. 17 April 2010: He's just not that into you. This happens when you build a relationship on sex. Time to move on my dear!... (read in full...)
My daughter puts hurdles in my personal life!
Q. Hello all, this is my first story-problem I would like to share with you all and expect your comments and advice. I am almost 37 years old woman and i have a sweet but bossy teenage daughter.I live outside Detroit just with her, since im divorc...
A. 17 April 2010: I am not surprised your daughter is mad at you. She must have been so embarrassed by your actions. She is a young woman trying to grow up in a difficult situation. All teenages can be rude and difficult, but as her mother, you have a responsibility ... (read in full...)
I want to be free!
Q. *Op's own title* Can someone help me? I've been with this man for four years, through alcoholism, abuse and tears. I stay with him because I have no where else to go. I just need someone to listen to me please. Even if you don't reply just lis...
A. 17 April 2010: I left an abusive alcoholic relationship after 18 years. In the last 5 years of that marriage I knew beyond all doubt that I wanted out. I had two teenage kids, a job that didn't pay well and nowhere to go. Basically I worked, saved money when I ... (read in full...)
What should I do, continue or break it off?
Q. dear cupid, Recently i have broken up with my partner of 22 years and have been contacting my ex-lover who which we broke up over 25 years ago we have now decided we want to get back together agian because we still love each other a lot. the only...
A. 17 April 2010: I agree you should slow it down. You haven't really seen her much in 25 years and despite what is written in e-mails and said in phone conversations, people can be very different in the flesh. Until you spend a good amount of time with someone (and ... (read in full...)
Is it vain or arrogant to believe he loved me too?
Q. Please help me. I'm 39. When I was at Uni, I met a lovely man who was my friend. We were both devout catholics and had a lot in common. He eventually told me he loved me and wanted to go out with me. I was shocked as I hadn't seen it coming - he had ...
A. 15 April 2010: Im sorry that this has happened to you but you are married and this man knows this...What else did you expect to happen? Did you think he was going to sweep you away from an unhappy marriage?, like a knight in shining armour?
You told him you love... (read in full...)
Is it possible he has a personality disorder?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 years. The man involved and I love each other very much and express it too each other alot. We do have our arguements. I have found when we argue all the things I tell him are thrown in my face and when we argue ...
A. 15 April 2010: Lord!!! I have been through this myself and all I can say to you is end it. Truly he has a BIG problem and he will most likely have it for the rest of his life.
Any relationship that makes you feel controlled, manipulated and in a permanen... (read in full...)
Do I wait for HIM to contact ME?
Q. I met a man over 3 years ago, first we just talked( as friends) then we dated then we were FWB, i fell for him HARD...........he is sweet, well mannered, easy to talk to and he made me feel so good when we slept together BUT he was not ready to ...
A. 12 April 2010: Sorry but in matters of the heart, men arnt so complicated.
Men fall hard for women and when they have feelings of love or desire they will pursue, they will call, they will chase. They will do all they can to make that desired person theirs. ... (read in full...)
Would he propose just for a Visa?
Q. Ive been dating a kurdish man for 3 years now maybe more hes security on club doors in marmaris ... hes not like the usual he has money own home ,own car and has no interst in coming to england (believe me i have tried many times to get him here ...
A. 11 April 2010: If your questioning his motives, then you probably shouldn't marry him.... (read in full...)
I love her and am not prepared to move on!
Q. Question: Should I try, or just let go? Seven years ago, I met two wonderful girls here in China where I teach English. Through the course of time, I married one, and have stayed friends with the other. Our marriage took us back to America where...
A. 11 April 2010: Have you asked her outright why she doesn't seem to want to get back with you?...maybe she is scared because you broke up before and that can really change a persons mind. Im so sorry your in this predicament, but as with all cases of unrequieted ... (read in full...)
Feeling unwanted and unloved
Q. years had bulling and rejection.missing out on love because of rejection. people who rejected me always find love the likes of me does n,t .has left me with a lot of problems.i have being going counselling since i was 6 years old.i see other people ...
A. 11 April 2010: This is such a tricky situation to answer, but I'd like to give it a go and it's not my intention to hurt your feelings or make you feel worse because I can tell from your words that you feel wretched and upset and afraid. To me it seems you hav... (read in full...)
He tells me I blow hot and cold and now the relationship is really messed up
Q. Hi Im really getting fed up of men treating me badly, to the point where I am getting very despondent. After a 2.5 year relatinship with an abuser, we split and I have had a year out being single with the odd date in between, recently I met a great ...
A. 9 April 2010: Your pinning too much on a failed one month relationship. He sounds as if he has a bad attitude by not politely responding to your texts when he was 'ill'.
Your just feeling a little rejection but you have to get over it and move on.
Take ti... (read in full...)
I am not happy and have not been for a long time and I deserve better. How do I move on?
Q. How do I move on? Anyone else in the same situation? I would love all the positive feedback I can get on this. We have been married almost 12 years, we have known of each other since middle school. My husband has said he has wanted to be with me as ...
A. 9 April 2010: Your in a deep rut and it appears your husband resents you. None of this is directly your fault. He's a cheat and won't change. He has you where he wants you...looking after the kids and home, while he plays away.
Thousands of women are in this ... (read in full...)
Ha! And I thought it would never happen to me!!!!
Q. *OP's own title* I am a single middle-aged women, usually sensible and certainly suspicious of online dating. Four months ago I was contacted by a younger man on a mutual interest website. He lives in another country and speaks another language! Afte...
A. 4 April 2010: This really confused me I have to say and I really had to re read the story in order to try to work out what is going on here...now to put it into words!!
The facts:
This is an internet liason...It is NOT a relationship until you have met in ... (read in full...)
My guy doesn't make enough time for me/us!
Q. I am a single divorced woman over the age of 50. I am happy to have found a wonderful man who is also divorced. We have being seeing each other for almost a year now. I love him, and he has told me that he loves me also. My problem is that he does ...
A. 3 April 2010: The very second you have to force 'anything' in a relationship, is the second you need to go 'WHOAA...what am I doing'??
He obviously likes you and spends time with you when he is feeling good and not tired. So using the 'If he loved me' is, to b... (read in full...)
Isnt she completely over the line here?
Q. My wife was snooping through some of my personal belongings and found a picture of my exgirlfriend and an old letter that she had sent me. She asked me why I had kept those two things and I told her quite honestly that I didn't even know I still ...
A. 3 April 2010: All women snoop to a certain degree...its what woman do because they have these stupid insecurities at times. To you, keeping the letter didn't mean anything...to her, it's upsetting and not right. Two different viewpoints.
Talk to her and let ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to contact an ex?
Q. i want to contact my ex after 6 months of no contact. whats the best way to do it?...
A. 2 April 2010: If shes a woman , and she hasnt been in touch...I would say 100% she WON'T want to hear from you again. Whatever your brain is telling you and whatever your motives...don't do it...it's a mess she won't want.... (read in full...)
5 things I DO NOT miss about my ex...
Q. Hey everyone, So it's been just over 2 months since I broke up with my boyfriend and I am finally starting to come to terms with the reasons why we broke up in the first place. I thought that it might be a good idea to start a thread on 5 things t...
A. 31 March 2010: 5 thinks I don't miss about my ex:
1) I don't miss the way you tried to control my life.
2) I don't miss the way you referred to your ex girlfriends as psychos, just because you hurt them.
3) I don't miss your abstract bad moods that ... (read in full...)
Is he just using me for a game or does he see a future even it is just with me as the "other woman"?
Q. I am falling for a male colleague 20 years my senior. We are both married and I know he loves his wife and she is pretty stunning. We have started texting and it is becoming quite sexual. He tells me things like he is feeling randy etc. We have als...
A. 31 March 2010: Sounds as if your going to be a 'booty call'. If things go much further, you could find yourself out of a job. Believe me, it sounds as if this man is determined to get what he wants...and when he's had it, he will wanna cover the evidence.
Tell ... (read in full...)
What does he mean when he says he loves me but is not sure if he is "in love" with me?
Q. i have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 years. his wife killed herself and i told him that i loved him and was in love with him. he told me that he loves me too but he is not sure if he is in love with me. he tells me everything and trusts me with his ...
A. 31 March 2010: Sounds as if he just wants you as a friend. Don't try to push for a relationship with this guy. If you can bear to be 'just good friends' then that is fine, if not, then it's probably time to make some distance between you.
Your already in pain ... (read in full...)
Why would he say that if we were ever together I would "suffocate" him?
Q. anyway last night it all went wrong i suppose i was trying to see how he felt and he turned around and said to me. "i can see you like to look after people and you do this but if we were ever together i find you would suffocate me-i was mortified ...
A. 31 March 2010: Sounds as if he is the type of man who has commitment issues. You were obviously good to him, but sometimes it's not good to give someone everything they need. Holding something back, creates an air of mystery and men like that.
Don't feel hum... (read in full...)
I think I've jumped out of the frying pan into the fire...
Q. Hi, I've been dating a woman casually for about 9 weeks. I'm still not fully over my ex who I had a big row with around Christmas but I thought I'd try dating again. Anyway this new lady is bossing me around. She wants me to get a phone with the ...
A. 30 March 2010: I think you should finish with the new woman if you think it's not working out and shes being the boss of you. You sound a bit shallow to me, and I feel sorry for your ex for being dumped because of her weight. Now your living to regret it, but I ... (read in full...)
How can I be his friend now that we have broken up?
Q. My bf recently broke up with me. We had been dating for a little less than a year. I broke up with him a couple of months ago because i felt very disrespected by pictures that i saw of him and my co-worker flirting. I agreed I would see how things ...
A. 30 March 2010: Happy 140,
No it as not a derogatory comment. The situation you are describing is not the same as the question asker is going through. I did state that a man will pursue a relationship after it breaks down, if he considers he deeply loves the woma... (read in full...)
He says he wont divorce her because I wont put his name on my house
Q. I have been with my partner for 4 years now and we have a 2 year old son that he never wanted, took me to the abortion clinic 11 times but each time i could not go ahead with it because i wanted it and he ended up leaving me but came back. I have ...
A. 30 March 2010: Another prime example of a man using a woman to get exactly what he wants. He is married, wanted you to get an abortion, is lying to you about his ex wife (who isn't even his ex yet). He is also trying to get his name on your house so he can claim ... (read in full...)
How can I be his friend now that we have broken up?
Q. My bf recently broke up with me. We had been dating for a little less than a year. I broke up with him a couple of months ago because i felt very disrespected by pictures that i saw of him and my co-worker flirting. I agreed I would see how things ...
A. 27 March 2010: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/eve_ensler_embrace_your_inner_girl.html
Take a look at this TED talk by Eve Ensler. Look at the last three minutes of the talk where Eve recites a poem 'I love being a girl' Its truly uplifting and will make you... (read in full...)
How can I be his friend now that we have broken up?
Q. My bf recently broke up with me. We had been dating for a little less than a year. I broke up with him a couple of months ago because i felt very disrespected by pictures that i saw of him and my co-worker flirting. I agreed I would see how things ...
A. 27 March 2010: Its weird isnt it that an answer from a male agony aunt tells you to keep him as a friend and just think about all the good stuff you learned from the relationship and a female agony aunt tells you about how much it hurt her and how hard she had to ... (read in full...)
He was a cheating man so I dropped him...did I do the right thing?
Q. I have been involved with a man now for 6 years and have known all along that there were things he was concealing from me but you know how it goes I bring it up he denies everything. So for awhile I leave things alone until the other day I call...
A. 26 March 2010: Yes, Unless your getting pleasure and are happy to be romantically involved with someone who cheats and plays games with you...then yes you did the right thing!... (read in full...)
Am I really everything he says I am?
Q. I ended a relationship a few weeks ago due 2 an abusive incident. My ex and I argued over the dumbest thing and he chose to choke, hit, and yell at me. I left him a week later with no warning or calls; just disappeared. I know leaving like that is ...
A. 24 March 2010: Whooo Hoooo!!!!
You go girl!!!!
Your doing the safest and best thing for you...well done and don't be weak now!!!
Hugs
Aunty Em xxx... (read in full...)
He sends out mass texts to girls he's slept with. He thinks I'm being jealous. Please help!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We also live together. About once a week, he sends out a mass texts to about ten girls. Most of them he has slept with and flirts with them. Most of these girls I have never met. To the ...
A. 23 March 2010: If he cannot see that sending texts to past lovers is making you jealous and is destructive to your relationship, then he is a complete idiot.
He knows you cannot stop him. He knows that by turning it around to be 'your problem' that he can cont... (read in full...)
I feel horrible that my wife was crying whilst we had sex! Does this mean she finds me repulsive?
Q. hi this is driving me nuts. me and my partner have been together for about 5 years we have children together and seem happy we have are ups and downs no big deal.but are sex life has got dull and not a lot of it i mean big gaps.we both made jokes ...
A. 23 March 2010: I think she may be postnatally depressed and has lost confidence in her body.
Post natal depression can lay dormant and surface years after birth.
I dont think she is cheating.... (read in full...)
I need help to understand him
Q. Hi , I am married for seond time from my first love after 26 years I was pregnant in the first year but I lost the baby ater 7 months. he could help me to carry on this I am missing to be mum and I could not be now because I am 46 years old ,I love ...
A. 23 March 2010: I think you need to have marriage guidance if you can get it. You both have love for eachother but there is a lot of misunderstanding. This can happen when couples do not communicate and get their issues into the open.
You lost a child and rema... (read in full...)
Am I really everything he says I am?
Q. I ended a relationship a few weeks ago due 2 an abusive incident. My ex and I argued over the dumbest thing and he chose to choke, hit, and yell at me. I left him a week later with no warning or calls; just disappeared. I know leaving like that is ...
A. 23 March 2010: If I was there I would shake you hard and say 'WAKE UP AND SMELL THE GODDAM COFFEE WOMAN'
You must love being in love with abusive psychopaths is all I can think of.
HE CHOKED YOU??? AND HIT YOU???...and you think this is OK??? Are you cr... (read in full...)
Can you meet a potential partner over the internet if he lives in another country?
Q. I know this sounds far-fetched, but what are the chances of meeting a possible boyfriend over the internet, if he lives in another country? I would like to have a boyfriend, but the guys in my area don't interest me. I just got back from Spain ...
A. 22 March 2010: You don't trust, have a broken heart and say you can never love another man like you loved your ex??? also thrashing about wondering if a long distance internet thing will work for you? You dont see yourself as desirable or pretty? and you think no ... (read in full...)
My husband says he is not in to me, yet does not want a divorce or to work on it either.
Q. I have been married 24 years. About 12 years ago we started to grow apart. Intimacy became less and less. My husband's attitude towards me was that of disdain. There were in-law problems (they don't like me, I wasn't their choice). This became ...
A. 22 March 2010: I agree...the marriage is over. Give yourself time alone to find out who you are before embarking on another relationship too soon.
Good luck xxx... (read in full...)
Does she fancy a challenge
Q. Today i spent some time talking to a colleague at work. She is very attractive and of French extraction with a sexy voice. Asking her out she replied that i was a lovely guy but flirted with all the females, she did not know if and when to take...
A. 21 March 2010: Well I tend to agree. I am 45 but men my age never want to date women my age. Men tend to prefer much younger women, so yes older women do become anonymous, simply because the majority accept that they will never find a loving relationship again ... (read in full...)
Why does he need to contact these other women?
Q. hi everyone new to the site and just finding my feet... Im on a mission here to bascially find advice on how to save my relationship. Im currently totally confused and feel im drifting more and more on a daily basis to losing my partner who i ...
A. 20 March 2010: The bare facts are
* He isnt going to ever stop speaking to these women
* You cannot and won't ever handle it.
If he was doing this when you met him, one would ask why you got into the relationship, but I understand that sometimes people... (read in full...)
Does she fancy a challenge
Q. Today i spent some time talking to a colleague at work. She is very attractive and of French extraction with a sexy voice. Asking her out she replied that i was a lovely guy but flirted with all the females, she did not know if and when to take...
A. 20 March 2010: Yes it sounds as if she really fancies you. Asking you to change your image could mean that she has fantasised about how you would look if you were maybe a little styled and if a woman is fantasising over you then she is seriously interested!!
... (read in full...)
Depressed and miss having a woman in my life...
Q. Hi, My ex gf broke up with me almost 5 months ago. She was my first serious gf and we dated for almost 2 years. I loved this girl with all my heart and I learned so much from my relationship with her. I was as happy as I could be and treated her ...
A. 20 March 2010: Im sorry for your trouble. I think the key is that you need more time on your own to deal with the breakup. It's hit you hard and to make matters worse she has toyed with you and hurt you even after the breakup.
Two years is a hefty length o... (read in full...)
Does this define this guy as a player?
Q. Why does this guy i used to like "play" my friend , when we have a history. Does that define him as a player? I heard he was, but i refused to believe it untill i saw it with my own eyes. If Im honest, from the bottom of my heart I still have fee...
A. 20 March 2010: Painful to see someone you really like and were involved with making a pass at your friend. Boys do this because they never get emotionally attached, not until they find 'the one'.
There are things you can do to make yourself feel better. The firs... (read in full...)
Is she going off me???
Q. I have more problems that's making me feel like my Gf wants to split up with me, one second when she's happy when im with her and her friends are around but when its just me and her she looks really depressed , also when i say i love her before i go ...
A. 20 March 2010: I hope your heart heals soon and you go on to love again xxx... (read in full...)
Is she going off me???
Q. I have more problems that's making me feel like my Gf wants to split up with me, one second when she's happy when im with her and her friends are around but when its just me and her she looks really depressed , also when i say i love her before i go ...
A. 18 March 2010: It sounds likeshe wants to cool off. Relationships when your younger create a lot of pressure and girls are sensitive to this.
Sorry to say but it may not go your way, but to salvage things you could ask her if she would just like to stay friends.... (read in full...)
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