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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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What can I do to make him understand that this bitch is a psycho and that I am not the one in the wrong.
Q. Hi, I'm after advice re my ex. I dumped her about a year ago but we stayed in touch and I thought we might get back together a few weeks ago but I changed my mind cos I met a woman at work I quite fancied. I was angry with my ex because I asked ...
A. 9 March 2010: It would be so brilliant if we here at DC could get in touch with your ex and your son. Firstly to extend our sympathy to them both, tell them that even though we don't know them that we actually care about what they are going through and offer them ... (read in full...)
He cheated...it drives me crazy...completely crazy...
Q. By bf and I just turned one year last Feb. And last Friday I found out that a month right after we got together, he had sex with a girl from our work (it's a restaurant franchise). I don't work there anymore, but I knew the girl he had sex with. My ...
A. 9 March 2010: Sounds as if you will never be able to trust him again. You seem to have other issues going on and you said yourself that you may have to return to your country. Are you hoping things will work out so you can stay in the country you are currently ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I love him after only 4 months of dating?
Q. I have fallen in love with a wonderful man after 4 months of dating...I get the feeling that he has to. I want to tell him, but im scared that after just 4 months, that might be to much for him to hear just yet; than it would scare him off, and he ...
A. 3 March 2010: Rather than saying it and risk putting him off, why don't you just step your relationship up a notch by doing nice things for him to show how much you appreciate him. Sounds cliche but actions speak louder than words and a romantic meal or a weekend ... (read in full...)
My husband divorced me and is dating someone 13 years younger.
Q. i had been happily married for fifteen years with three children when my husband told me out of the blue he didnt love me any more. he moved out sold the family car for a sportier one and started making friends with younger women. he has been gone ...
A. 3 March 2010: Three words:
MID LIFE CRISIS!!!
You must feel devestated and you have every right to. His actions are unreasonable and beyond your control. For whatever reason he has abandoned his family, I am sure you are not to blame as a whole.
He won... (read in full...)
Would you stay with someone who has issues and try to repair things or leave?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I'm really hoping for some help because my situation is distressing me and I'm lost and need guidance on how to proceed. I was in a long term relationship since 2003 then we split up in Spring 2008 but spoke to each other ...
A. 3 March 2010: Wow when I read this I felt I was almost reading my own story. I am in exactly the same situation as you and I am also still trying to work out what to do for the best. My long term partner (whom I do not live with at present)has mental health ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't want us to move in together...and other more complicated topics
Q. Dear internet friends I have a feeling this questions gonna sound all disjointed and chaotic but here it goes: I've been dating this woman for about 2 years, she's 36 and I'm 33. Initially things were wonderful because I had no expectat...
A. 3 March 2010: As sad and annoying as it may seem, relationships hinge on expectation. If two people have the same expectation and can orchestrate a plan for future happiness then it is possible for them to move foward together. Each person is responsible and has ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I am not slim to save any embarrassment on the night?
Q. i want to tell a man i am meeting soon that i am not slim. what should i say. we are only contacting by phone at the moment. have sent him sum pics and look gud in them but in reality i see myself as much bigger and think he has a rite to know. i am ...
A. 25 January 2010: If the pictures you have sent him are of you as a size 8 then he is definitely going to notice your now a lot bigger. If the pictures are of you as you are now then I don't think he will mind at all.
Men are generally very visual and they don't li... (read in full...)
Are we over for good? He says he loves me but then he says he shouldn't see me anymore!
Q. hi I have been seeing a man for around 18months. We are both in our 40's I supported him last year when he was made redundant by letting him live with me, until he found a place to rent and a job. He now has a managers job. I have never met ...
A. 22 January 2010: Grrr it makes me so angry when I see women (or men in some cases) allowing themselves to be used as doormats beccause the 'LOVE' word is thrashed about. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SO DESPERATE??? that you continue to allow him play games with you. He sounds ... (read in full...)
H's bashing me to other people, on this dating site! What is his problem?
Q. I dated someone who is now on match.com and is bashing me to the women he is now communicating with. A friend on match.com found this out through her community of members and told me. I texted him and let him know i knew, which of course he denied. ...
A. 22 January 2010: Don't text him as he may see it as incitement and you could come to harm. Block him, delete him and forget he exists.... (read in full...)
H's bashing me to other people, on this dating site! What is his problem?
Q. I dated someone who is now on match.com and is bashing me to the women he is now communicating with. A friend on match.com found this out through her community of members and told me. I texted him and let him know i knew, which of course he denied. ...
A. 21 January 2010: He's doing it because he's a loser. Don't take it too close to heart...and you can report any abuse to match.com if it gets too nasty.
Forget him, he's a deadbeat.
AE xx... (read in full...)
How come I never heard back from her?
Q. I'm basically here in need of a friend after a bad break up about 1 mo ago. I have been feeling so bad about things and I'm hurting really bad. I broke it off with someone I cared for deeply b/c I felt she just wasn't committing to the relationship ...
A. 21 January 2010: I know that place...it sucks...but it wont last forever.
Have you seen the movie 500 days of summer?? it might help
lots of love xxx
AE... (read in full...)
How come I never heard back from her?
Q. I'm basically here in need of a friend after a bad break up about 1 mo ago. I have been feeling so bad about things and I'm hurting really bad. I broke it off with someone I cared for deeply b/c I felt she just wasn't committing to the relationship ...
A. 19 January 2010: Well there you go, you expected more from her and she didn't respond...people don't always do the right thing but they generally do what suits them best. She may not respond because she doesn't want to hurt you further. Your pushing and hoping for a ... (read in full...)
Why are some guys like this?
Q. what makes it ok for some guys to think they can just touch girls and when the girl stands up to him she gets called a name. is that right?...
A. 19 January 2010: Because a lot of guys are bozo's!!! yep it's that simple
:-) xxx
AE... (read in full...)
Missing Him...What Should I Do?
Q. Hi. I've been kind of seeing this really wonderful/fine/sexy guy on and off for about 1-1 1/2 yrs now but he doesn't want to committ to a monogamous/exclusive relationship with me at this time. When I bring up the "relationship" topic he claims ...
A. 19 January 2010: He doesn't want to commit and you can't make him. You were probably being kept 'in the net' for his amusement until he met someone who he really wants to be with. This happens a lot for both men and women (and yes it's really sh***y) so it's time to ... (read in full...)
Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating?
Q. hi Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating? I've been married 4 years, and over the past couple of months been concerned about my wife. I found dirty texts on her mobile to a guy she works with, some pictures were...
A. 19 January 2010: I agree, I think she's making an excuse. If she really feels love and support from you then she should have no need to be looking elsewhere. If she's lonely she should be looking to join a womens group, take up a hobby or aquiring a pet...NOT ... (read in full...)
Was I right to be upset about this?
Q. i am 60 years old and my husband is 75. we have been married for 4 years and very happy. unfortunately he has a heart condition and diebeties and has been impotent from when i met him.he makes me laugh and very caring all the time.last week i came ...
A. 19 January 2010: I agree, I think he was doing it for you. Maybe he is worrying that because your past relationships were more satisfying in the physical sense, he might not be able to give you what you want.
The odd bit of porn doesn't really bother me either..... (read in full...)
How come I never heard back from her?
Q. I'm basically here in need of a friend after a bad break up about 1 mo ago. I have been feeling so bad about things and I'm hurting really bad. I broke it off with someone I cared for deeply b/c I felt she just wasn't committing to the relationship ...
A. 19 January 2010: You feel bad because she didn't turn out to be 'the one'. She didn't question things when you broke off the relationship and she didn't come rushing back when you sent the 'finality' letter. That's the kicker when you try and steer things into an ... (read in full...)
I regret my termination of my baby, and blame others as well as myself.
Q. I have been married for 17 years and have two beautiful teenage daughters. A few months ago, I found myself pregnant (an accident of course) and I had mixed feelings. My husband did'nt pressure me to have an abortion, although I detected he did'nt ...
A. 19 January 2010: I can totally understand why you feel so angry and upset about what has happened over your baby. You were subject to a lot of unwanted pressure and without knowing the logistics of your relationship with your husband and mother in law it's hard to ... (read in full...)
Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating?
Q. hi Is sending and receiving dirty texts and having phone sex cheating? I've been married 4 years, and over the past couple of months been concerned about my wife. I found dirty texts on her mobile to a guy she works with, some pictures were...
A. 19 January 2010: In my book it's cheating and she should feel ashamed.
You need to find out why this has happened, don't let her put you off the truth with some half hearted excuse, saying it doesn't mean anything...IT MEANS A LOT because it has damaged your tru... (read in full...)
I'm a girl starting to notice girls??
Q. Ok so this is totally weird for me. I am straight, but recently I have started to notice girls too. I don't really like them that way, but I'm interested in their bodies more than guys. I don't think I'm bisexual, but I don't know if this is just a ...
A. 17 January 2010: Believe me its normal. We all become interested in members of our own sex and particularly so when going through puberty.
It's normal to wonder why someone has bigger breasts than us or a larger penis. It's normal to have insecurities about wh... (read in full...)
Relationship confusion, bigtime!
Q. Ok, i have been seeing this guy for about three months now and its been great up until i met his children last week...well let me make it clear first that i am bi and a guy...so when i met them everything was good at first and a few minutes later my ...
A. 17 January 2010: I think he is realising that having a relationship with you is going to be very difficult if he is going to stay close to his kids.
You need to realise that family comes first and he has much more to consider than you do.
Back off a little and... (read in full...)
Is our affair worth all this stress?
Q. I have been having an affair with a married woman for the last 4 years. We know the relationship is never going to go anywhere due to our commitment to our respective partners. Over the last few months I have seen our affair is adding stress to my ...
A. 17 January 2010: Its simple...cut all ties and never look back...it's the only way.... (read in full...)
Why is he all of the sudden being so clingy?
Q. This guy and I were FWB for nearly a year. Gradually it got to where he couldn't do the deed. I couldn't understand his problem as he wouldn't talk about it, so I backed off. His personality and mood became dark. I didn't want to be around him. ...
A. 17 January 2010: Lord knows what goes on in mens heads at the best of times and trying to work the real dodgy ones out is almost impossible. The way I see it, he is using you in the worst way. He obviously likes you but is maybe unsure how you feel about him. He ... (read in full...)
After talking online 3 months we met, but I think he was disappointed!
Q. Hi..i am hoping for some advice..am hoping for a male point of view...here goes. I met a guy online..a dating site..we chatted every night for 3 months on msn..he phoned me and text. He had seen photographs of me (I am 47...he is 39..I am uk..he i...
A. 13 January 2010: Don't beat yourself up or over think this situation. Maybe he was a little dissapointed but really it was his problem and not yours. I also think it was a little rude of him to leave without saying goodbye properly to you.
The internet can give... (read in full...)
I married him not realizing what a deal breaker his kids would be!
Q. I have recently got married for the second time. I have known my husband for 14 years and we were always really great friends. He has 3 children by different women and sees them all regularly. One is now grown up but the other two are 8 and 14. He ...
A. 11 January 2010: The level of offence your likely to cause your husband depends on the amount of compromise your willing to conceed about the children. If you just want the children completely out of the picture so you can continue your marriage as if they do not ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and might be pregnant and afraid to tell my family
Q. ok i am 13 and i might be pregnant. i am stuck in a horrible situation. my parents just got in devorce and three or four days ago i movfed eight hours away from my mom and boyfriend. we used protected ex but the condom broke. he is 16 and loves ...
A. 4 January 2010: Can I please add as a point of fact that a 13 year old female body CAN supply enough nutrition to a growing fetus and can sustain a pregnancy to maturity as long as the pregnant female is fit and healthy and has a reasonable body weight.
Facto... (read in full...)
Pregnant and struggling
Q. I'm 31 years old. I've ben with my boyfriend just 5 months and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. Antibiotics interfered with the pill. I'm scared all the time, tired, sad. I think I love him but I want space. He wants to move in together. I am sometimes snappy ...
A. 4 January 2010: Im early pregnancy you can feel very emotional and tired as the body is coping with massive hormonal changes as well as the mental strain that comes when adapting to the idea. Give yourself some time, don't make any big decisions just yet until you ... (read in full...)
Life without David?
Q. I am absolutely confused with what to do with my life right now :S this is why.. About a year ago i met my brothers girlfriends brother and had a crush on him for no reason (lets just call him David). It was the most love ive ever felt and so unex...
A. 2 January 2010: Your really young to be in a love triangle situation.
Like all things in life you need to try and make the right choice, one that is fair on you and fair on the other people involved. You cannot string two boys along because it's going to get e... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has low self-esteem and depression, how can I help him?
Q. My boyfriend suffers from low self-esteem. I think it is mostly because of his mom, she's always been really hard on him and used to put him down constantly, telling him he's a screw up and will never amount to anything, terrible things like that. ...
A. 2 January 2010: If he is clinically depressed his view of the world will be altered anyway, so don't blame yourself. All you can do is to reinforce your love for him by doing basically what you are doing now and being a constant and loyal girlfriend who apreciates ... (read in full...)
Should I care what others think?
Q. Hello dear cupid. I’m with my GF 3 years already, and on Christmas she told me she wants a « heart breakable « jewellery for the both of us. She told me that it would represent our eternal love, and relationship. Well at the beginning I didn’t ...
A. 2 January 2010: No you shouldn't care what they think. Sometimes it is the innocent child like gestures that make a relationship strong and give it special meaning...thats why people sometimes give eachother teddy bears or something that smells of their partner ... (read in full...)
He calls 3-4 times a day but says he only likes me as a friend
Q. what does it mean when a close friend of yours that youve fallen in love with, tells you he only likes you as a friend....calls you 3-4 times a day everyday. im in california, he's in texas....
A. 2 January 2010: Be happy with the friendship and get on with your life. The distance is a major factor to his decision I am sure, but if you stay upbeat and friendly you can let him know what is going on in your life and perhaps inspire him in the future to move ... (read in full...)
Is It Possible For An Older Lady To Find genuine Love????
Q. Can An Older Woman Find Love? Most men prefer younger women thats a fact however I Who would love to find romance-its not a cse of being desperate I am divorced and not looking for marriage but a few dates would be nice Come on guys PLE...
A. 1 January 2010: Im 45, I met my partner on the internet on a regular dating site. He is a couple years younger and, post divorce for both of us, it's taken some work for us to really make things work. Age was the last thing we really worried about so I don't think ... (read in full...)
Men: How would you feel if a woman said this to you?
Q. Hello there, I would like to please hear from the guys out there on what your thoughts are about what I said to someone. I promise I won’t cry (too much) if you are harsh! There was a younger (single) colleague; he and I had what I could call a “...
A. 1 January 2010: I am sure he felt amused and flattered , it's hard to say as men tend to take things at face value and you stated to him you were saying it to 'get it off your chest' and that 'nothing was going to happen', who knows, maybe he was relieved as a lot ... (read in full...)
Do you think my wife will cheat again?
Q. My wife has been cheating on me for so many times and i still forgive her.I know its stupid of me but i don't want our family to be torn apart.shes a good liar and a really selfish bitch.One time,she said shes going to throw the trash and i was ...
A. 25 December 2009: Yup...sounds like she is a repeat offender. She will continue because she knows you will always come running. Until she faces a future of having no security and no one to forgive her for all the s**t shes putting you through...she will continue.
... (read in full...)
Something is missing I don't feel as close to my husband as I should
Q. Help needed, I've been marrige for 11years now and was with my husband for 8years before marrige. We have two children together. I'll releationship is great, we share alot of time together, but something is missing cause I don't feel as close to...
A. 24 December 2009: Nobody can really advise you what to do in this situation, you have cheated on your husband with another man, that act alone will and has seriously complicated your life and that of your children and your husband. Before you make any big decisions, ... (read in full...)
My marriage is going downhill and I have met somebody who I can love as I once loved her!
Q. I have been married for twelve years, and before we were married we dated for ten years and lived together during those times. We have two beautiful children nine and eleven years old. My marriage has been going downwards for the last five years. I ...
A. 24 December 2009: Like I already said, it sounds as if you have made up your mind and now you stand on a precipice of stepping foward and taking action. If your really sure in your heart that you want to be with this woman then the process has to begin to dismantle ... (read in full...)
Fitting the mold...
Q. I am so sick of women falling into the trap of thinking that they are just a piece of meat for men to goggle at. Women are required to wear highheels and make up and such or they are not considered attractive...if they are not skinny and slutty ...
A. 23 December 2009: Well as a woman who has a wonderful career, singularly owns her own home, drives a nice car, wears whatever she feels like, has a good mixture of male and female friends, raised two kids, has travelled to many other countries, has a size 14 butt ... (read in full...)
What might be the cause of my boyfriend's moodswings?
Q. i have been dating a guy for about 6 months and been official for about 2 months. i have noticed and he has admitted to me he gets mood swings. for instance, today was a great day. we went to the gym, we later ate lunch and talked on the phone. ...
A. 23 December 2009: It's not your concern what is causing these mood swings. He is unpredictable and however great your sex life is or how good looking he is, if he has a short fuse, gets angry and is rude to you for no reason...he has a SERIOUS problem.
You have onl... (read in full...)
My husband says he watches porn because I don't look the same after having kids. Should I leave?
Q. I am thinking of leaving my husband, is this too extreme? When we met I made it very clear to him that I'm not intereted in being with someone who uses porn. I find it insulting and disrespectful. At the time he said this is fine as he is not inte...
A. 23 December 2009: A lot of men enjoy porn and like with most things, as a woman you will have to find a way to negotiate around this to save your marriage. Let him know his comments upset you but ask him if their is anything you can do that would help to regain his ... (read in full...)
My marriage is going downhill and I have met somebody who I can love as I once loved her!
Q. I have been married for twelve years, and before we were married we dated for ten years and lived together during those times. We have two beautiful children nine and eleven years old. My marriage has been going downwards for the last five years. I ...
A. 23 December 2009: The first thing that leaps out at me when I read this is the enormous amount of hours you and your wife work. I would imagine you get to spend very little time together and probably even less with eachother alone if you have two children...it's ... (read in full...)
I just want to know what do I do to stop being so attached to him!
Q. well, i have been in a relationship for 1 and a half year. day after day seems like he doesn't want me anymore. i have to force myself on him. i beg for attention. this morning i knew he starts work early so i rung him so many times but his phone ...
A. 18 December 2009: Yep I would say you definitely have issues with this!!!
Imagine if the tables were turned and it were your boyfriend calling you for every little thing, imagine if it were him who got upset just because you didn't say 'goodmorning' when you were... (read in full...)
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