A
female
age
51-59,
*meee
writes:Hi Im really getting fed up of men treating me badly, to the point where I am getting very despondent. After a 2.5 year relatinship with an abuser, we split and I have had a year out being single with the odd date in between, recently I met a great guy off a dating site, and we were crazy about each other, however one evening he said he was feeling unwell, and i text him to ask how he was, i never got a reply, so i text a few more times, still nothing, I have been on high alert due to the fact i was involved with a nasty guy, and so my defences tend to go up at the slightest thing to protect myself, so i took his not responding to me as a personal insult, and i told him i cant do this relationship, he phoned me and he flew at me tellng me he worries about my behaviour and that i have a bad attitude....so i hung up on him,ever since he has just ignored me again even though i have apologised and want us to try again, we have only been going out a month, and i am gutted, but if he liked me as much as he said why oh why wont he give us another try ?? At least everyone deserves a second chance, he tells me i blow hot and cold which is not true, my actions were justified as i thought he was just messing me about, we slept together a few days ago, could it be he has 'had me' and that is it for him ? I wish there was a way i could get him to see that we are good together.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Your pinning too much on a failed one month relationship. He sounds as if he has a bad attitude by not politely responding to your texts when he was 'ill'.
Your just feeling a little rejection but you have to get over it and move on.
Take time to yourself, just please yourself and do what you want. If you were in a really abusive relationship, a years break probably isnt long enough for you to deal with the issues, also trying to find someone so that you can define yourself, is a really bad idea. You have to heal yourself first before you get into anything else.
Hard I know, but what have you got to lose from trying??
best of luck
Aunty Em xxx
A
female
reader, cnith  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 You need to spend time by yourself anyway, girl. You need to heal from the wounds your abusive person left you.This new guy isn't good for you. He can't be understanding.And if he was sick, how do you want him to respond to you? If I had the flu or stomach issue or something bad, I wouldn't respond to you either. Were you being paranoid or was he not that sick?
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A
male
reader, indianna +, writes (9 April 2010):
my advice would be to move on. if there's these sort of issues after one month i don't think that's a good sign.
i understand where you're coming from. my wife had a previous relationship of 4 years with someone who was very abusive. after they split she had numerous first dates. she rejected alot first time round and the ones she had more dates with she finished when things showed signs of getting serious. why? her ex had messed her up so much she just didn't feel ready and, despite wanting to, she just couldn't trust men. she thought she never would but 3 years after they split we got together. 6 months later we got married and we are trying for a baby. we're both so happy and feel like we have found our true soulmates and that all previous relationships were just practice for what we have now. so don't despair. i know you've had a hard time but you will find that special someone. good luck
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