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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Help me to see this for what it is...
Q. I fell in love with a man who treated me very good, and we were compatible in every way and got along so nicely. We were integrating friends and family nicely, making vacation plans, and moving to the "I love you" dialogue. When we were together, ...
A. 16 August 2010: WOW!!! He gets the prize don't he?...for being an absolute a**hole.
Darling he is using you for one thing...SEX!!. He is using the fact that you 'love' him and are needy of him to keep you dangling on that piece of string, so he can yank you back... (read in full...)
Did I sexually assault someone?
Q. Hey Everyone. Sorry that this is so long, but it’s been bothering me and I have to get it off my chest, and see what people’s opinions are so hopefully I can put my mind to rest. Here is my story as I best remember it and as truthfully as possible. ...
A. 18 July 2010: No you didn't sexually assault her. She was an adult, was willing, didn't ask you to stop or push you away. It doesn't matter what her friend said, in fact it's nothing to do with her friend...the event was between you and the girl you kissed, in a ... (read in full...)
His ex-girlfriend won't let him go!
Q. i am looking for some advice. my fiancee has this ex-girlfriend who won't let him go. i have found notes that she has written him and they make me feel uncomfortable. i have talked to him about this and he swears up and down that he doesn't ...
A. 18 July 2010: The ex is obviously having a hard time letting go and it's making her a bit crazy. Your partner probably doesn't want to hurt her feelings and in all honesty, he can't make her stop unless he changes his number or you move.
I am pretty sure he ... (read in full...)
Help me to see this for what it is...
Q. I fell in love with a man who treated me very good, and we were compatible in every way and got along so nicely. We were integrating friends and family nicely, making vacation plans, and moving to the "I love you" dialogue. When we were together, ...
A. 16 July 2010: He was treating you well and now he isn't. Actions speak louder than words and his actions show he has gone off you!!
I know you feel hurt and upset but you need to get a grip. It's only been a couple of months that you were involved and even tho... (read in full...)
He's now told me to "stop hassling him". Any suggestions?
Q. Hi, I met this bloke 3 months ago on a training course and we hit it off straight away. He told me he was married, but they are separating and the house is up for sale (I know the house is for sale as my friend lives near him and the sign is ...
A. 16 July 2010: Leave it...seriously he's still married until he's divorced if you get my drift. At the first sign of trouble he's slammed down on you that you upset his wife.
It's harsh but he thinks more of her than you...and truthfully he's cheating on her s... (read in full...)
Why do you men act like this the morning after?
Q. I am so sad. This is what happened yesterday. I am traveling now, in a small town, where i only know one person. He took me out to this upscale place. We are just friends, i know him for 15 years, so when we are out we can do whatever we want. ...
A. 16 July 2010: Well you know the old saying 'If you can't stand the heat...stay out of the kitchen'
When a woman has sex she forms an emotional attachment and will almost always expect a follow up...men don't, they can have sex without any residual emotion.... (read in full...)
No intercourse, regular period, but could I be pregnant
Q. Nearly two months ago, me and this guy were fooling around...he fingered me and there was a chance he could have had sperm on his hand. So, I went to get the morning after pill within 24 hours, no problems. My period came a few days early due to it ...
A. 15 July 2010: What help do you need?, I doubt your pregnant if you have had two periods, but if your really worried, go get a preganancy test. Nobody here will be able to say with complete accuracy if you are pregnant or not.
Please use contraception next tim... (read in full...)
Will he go back to this other woman???
Q. My husband and i met when we were 15 and 16, we had our first child than and a year later we married. through most of our marriage i seeked out attention from other men, so in turn lead my husband to not trust me. About 1 year and a half ago i le...
A. 15 July 2010: If he's still seeing the other woman then sorry to say it, he's not working out things with you.
You say you have been completely devoted to him but in all honesty, you haven't. You left him for someone else and that has destroyed his trust. I... (read in full...)
Although I fancy him... his best friend fancies me!!!?? What do I do?
Q. here goes can anyone help? iv recently realized im falling in love with one of my friends. he is 6 years older than me and i know its quite a bit ,but we have so much in common and we both love being in each others company but im not sure if he fe...
A. 15 July 2010: Why do you have to be with anyone?...your a young girl who is playing and enjoying a situation where you are the centre of attention. The guy who is six years older than you and touching you sexually (even if it's just touching your butt)is actually ... (read in full...)
Does my man fancy me at all???
Q. Does he really fancy me? Hi! My fella is a typical man of few words - and doesn't like to show his "emotional" side! - I have often wondered if he really fancies me at all. Anyway - today I asked him what attracts him to me - thinking he...
A. 15 July 2010: Is he good to you in other ways?...does he take you out?, do you do things together?, any romantic gestures?
A lot of relationships become stale. Men typically have trouble expressing their emotions in actual words but if he's nice and caring i... (read in full...)
What should I do if my partner is lying to me about guys she is seeing when I am not around?
Q. What should I do if my partner is lying to me about guys she is seeing when I am not around? I am either at work or in the evenings she will stay out late some nights. We know each other very well and have spoken about this but with no solution. ...
A. 15 July 2010: Do you actually know that something bad is going on...or is she just catching up with friends when your working?
She's obviously determined to carry on having a social life without you...whether shes innocent or not. The fact that she doesn't ... (read in full...)
After 10 years of being lonely I thought I had found the perfect man in my new husband, but now we are having so many problems I don't know what to do anymore...
Q. I married a male after my First hubby died. After 10 years of lonely times I found this one having all my desires, least i thought so. First he comes in, changes my home, re-decorated all to his liking. i paid for the re-decorations at my ...
A. 15 July 2010: Seems like you have made a mistake and married someone who doesn't care deeply about you.
Divorce him before he drains you of money and hope.... (read in full...)
Breach baby and a home birth.....
Q. I am 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and i went to the midwife's today ... my plan is to have a home birth however the midwife said baby is currently in a breach position and looked at me nerviously, which of course made me feel nervous. I am ...
A. 14 July 2010: Find out what the policy is for homebirth from the hospital you are under.
Most community midwives would not accept the risk of delivering a pre designated breech at home. If a baby turns in labour (which can happen)and your at home, even then a m... (read in full...)
He wants me to meet his daughter but I am uncomfortable because his ex (the child's mother) will be staying at his house
Q. I have been dating this man for 9 months. When we met he told me he had been divorced for 2 years after a 20 year marriage but in his Younger days he had a gf who he never married who he had a child with, however he raised this child on his own, ...
A. 13 July 2010: They say of men, look at what they do, not what they say.
He wants you to meet his kid...it's important to him. If it wasn't important to him, he would not have asked.
You love this man I take it?, you want things to work? If the relationship... (read in full...)
He refuses to take my calls, is angry and uspet, but won't give my stuff back! Why?
Q. Hi all, I have been in a relationship for around six weeks with a lovely guy. Alot has happened during that time- and I have met his parents and been on holiday with him.he came on very strong, and his mother told me that he is in love with me. An...
A. 13 July 2010: Yup this is going exactly the way I thought it would. He's going to sweet talk you and keep you in the frame...then he's going to decide he doesn't want to be with you and go off with someone else in a few days/weeks or months.
In the meantime... (read in full...)
We seem to be on different pages...
Q. I've been seeing a great guy for about two months now. After we were intimate for the first time, I asked him what did he want between us. He let me know that he didn't want something exclusive at the moment. He said some other things, but I just ...
A. 12 July 2010: I totally understand why you feel confused over 'What are we...' but it's still a little too early for the relationship to have an official label.
You guys arn't kids...it's not like the school yard where you hook up and play boyfriend/ girlfrie... (read in full...)
Dead love, continued agony... it doesn't make sense...
Q. BACKGROUND: I met him in fall, 2008 - both in our early 30s, professionals in DC. For about a month, we had a mutual new love with hope, excitement and passion. I fell hard - he was charming, handsome, confident, fun. THE PENDING MOVE: H...
A. 12 July 2010: I suspect your a very lovely woman. I also suspect your kind and caring, love your family and believe in loving your man.
You feel inadequate, undesirable and flawed because that is how your ex left you feeling. You invested emotions and time, wi... (read in full...)
Do I walk or do I wait?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now and we have never so much as even had a fight. He has been very busy with work and other obligations so we have only been able to see each other about once a week, which was fine because we ...
A. 12 July 2010: Men have really suspicious minds when you lie to them. Admittedly the lies were small but he reacted badly. Probably in his mind he's thinking 'What else HAS she lied about?' or 'What else COULD she lie about?'.
Now he's evaluati... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend take pictures with other women and hides them from me?
Q. I just moved in permanetly with my fiance and one day my fiance was showing me some photos he had in his phone, but wouldnt let me hold his phone, so i insisted and basically fought him for it n took his phone away from him and discovered that he ...
A. 11 July 2010: I'll tell you exactly how you can become more confident...almost instantly!
Pack up your stuff and leave him, don't give him an explaination or get into an argument...give him a very clear sign that you are absolutely NOT going to be treated ... (read in full...)
Need help on internet dating!
Q. Does anyone know a good dating site? I've tried several ones, and found none appealing. If any of you have had profiles that have been a hit, please let me know. Also, what is everyone's input on online dating? Does it work? Am I wasting time?...
A. 11 July 2010: They are ok for multiple introductions and a few dates, but actually finding someone you 'click with' (I hate that term)and building a loving relationship still requires all the learning to trust,facing all the trials and tribulations and really ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife for the love of my life?
Q. I have been married for almost 25 years now, other than sex , we have never had much of a relationship, We could drive across country and speak very little to each other. She is deeply in love with me. We have four children but only one is left at ...
A. 10 July 2010: I agree you should leave your wife and go to the other woman that you love. Maybe leave a generous financial settlement so your wife doesn't suffer in that way (this isnt the time to be cheap...if you want to get the life you want). Emotionally ... (read in full...)
Mistreated by husband but haven't the strength to leave
Q. Can anyone help? I've been with my husband for 12 years, but for the last 5 years, I've been unhappy at home! He constantly critisises and belittles me, both at home and in front of friends, family and strangers! 3 years ago, during an extrem...
A. 9 July 2010: Well done darling, I am so happy that you have found the courage to act. Stay strong and never look back...x
AE x... (read in full...)
Why do I keep going back?
Q. [OP original title] so i think im falling out of love. the mysterious phone calls from 'his mate' at 2am the stayin out and not coming home the drugs the living at home with your mum at 31 the lack of respect for everyone the lack of conside...
A. 9 July 2010: Nobody can make you leave except you. Loving someone can make you blind to their sins...and eventually their sins will destroy you. If you believe in 2 people one love with him...then stay and sacrifice yourself for his bad behaviour. Really he has ... (read in full...)
I can't ejaculate with my partner, she thinks it's her fault.
Q. hello there, i have trouble ejaculating with my partner and she is saying that it must be her that she is not turning me on, but she is, she gets very sore because i'm well hung and can't ejaculate can you please help me!...
A. 9 July 2010: You've probably got some kind of erectile dysfunction, you need to go see your GP.... (read in full...)
Pregnant, but who is the father?
Q. I had a one night stand with a guy about 2-3 weeks ago (on the mon 21st june )which was a huge mistake, I then started seeing my ex again on the saturday and we slept together (on the 1st July) I am now pregnant and im worried about what to do.. i ...
A. 9 July 2010: Hard to say, you wont know until the baby is born and you get a paternity test.
These things happen. You need to be totally honest with your boyfriend and tell him whats happened. You might risk him walking away, but at least you told the truth. I... (read in full...)
I feel I want and need closure but there is no closure needed. Why am I feeling this way?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I would like to seek for your help but please don't pass judgments on me. I had an LDR illicit affair of 4 yrs with a man who was 30 yrs older than me. Because of my past issues in life (my Dad and family abandoned me ...
A. 9 July 2010: Read the last paragraph you wrote!
You already know what the best thing to do is. You know the answer to make things better for yourself...your just feeling heartache. Move on...and in time it will pass.... (read in full...)
Is my sex life normal at my age?
Q. I am over 60 and still have sexual intimacy on average once a week. Question; I prefer to 'finish off' outside her body is this normal and is once a week at my age normal? How much longer can i expect to be able to 'step up to the plate'?...
A. 9 July 2010: If it's 'normal' for you...then it's...normal.
You will step up to the plate for as long as you want to. Not sure if your married, but if your having doubts about your sex life with your partner, then you need to be open and honest and talk to ... (read in full...)
Awkward situation at work - how do I handle this?
Q. Hi, I'm a team leader at my place of work and am caught in between an awkard situation. There's this woman who joined the team last year from another office part of our work group as she was pregnant and needed to downsize her workload ...
A. 9 July 2010: I would bring her in for a private chat. Explain to her that everyone wants to give her support for as long as she needs it and that you are all trying to understand how horrible it was for her. Explain that you can't really completely stop all ... (read in full...)
He refuses to take my calls, is angry and uspet, but won't give my stuff back! Why?
Q. Hi all, I have been in a relationship for around six weeks with a lovely guy. Alot has happened during that time- and I have met his parents and been on holiday with him.he came on very strong, and his mother told me that he is in love with me. An...
A. 9 July 2010: Like I said darling, he's playing silly beggars. Keeping you in the frame, maybe until he meets someone he really wants to be with. Men do this all the time.
STOP driving yourself nuts. If he wanted to be with you, he'd tell you right now. Sto... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so bored with everything after the break-up of my marriage?
Q. Hi I have a very depressing problem! I recently got divorced which was my own doing. I didn't want to be with my x husband due to various reasons. Now its over. The problem starts from here. Now i lost interest in everything. I have started my pHd w...
A. 9 July 2010: You sound a little depressed. It happens often after divorce, whether you wanted things to end or not.
Unfortunately when you divorce someone, you lose the bad things but also anything good you enjoyed from the marriage. This can leave a bit of a... (read in full...)
How can I find out why this married man is ignoring me without seeming like a stalker?
Q. I have had some emotional "issues" with a married man who has been my friend for 10 years, and because I felt i was falling for him hard I broke off our friendship (via e-mail). I told him I would not contact him anymore. The day after I e-mailed ...
A. 9 July 2010: Did you break off the friendship because you really wanted it to end?...or did you break it off because you were hoping he would rise to the challenge and pursue you, because deep down you have feelings for him?
When you did'nt recieve the answ... (read in full...)
He refuses to take my calls, is angry and uspet, but won't give my stuff back! Why?
Q. Hi all, I have been in a relationship for around six weeks with a lovely guy. Alot has happened during that time- and I have met his parents and been on holiday with him.he came on very strong, and his mother told me that he is in love with me. An...
A. 8 July 2010: He is playing silly beggars...why cant he just speak to you over the phone?...and why hasn't he given your stuff back?...He is playing games. Prob added to to confuse you so he can play for more time. He may also have someone else in the frams and ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is on/off with me and I'm going insane!
Q. I really do not know what to think. I am British he is American(military) and we met in Korea on internet site. We started going out and we broke up as he was evasive and luying and putting his profile back. He is 40 and I am 41., he was marr...
A. 8 July 2010: He wont break up with you because he doesnt want the guilt, or maybe he wants to keep you on the hook for when he's bored.
He will never change. If he is married then you have even less chance of making anything work with him.
You should no... (read in full...)
He refuses to take my calls, is angry and uspet, but won't give my stuff back! Why?
Q. Hi all, I have been in a relationship for around six weeks with a lovely guy. Alot has happened during that time- and I have met his parents and been on holiday with him.he came on very strong, and his mother told me that he is in love with me. An...
A. 8 July 2010: Text him that you are
sending a friend round to get your things. Then I would forget him. He doesn't want a relationship with you, he's probably acting like a jerk and being evasive to spare himself the guilt of dumping you...hoping you will do t... (read in full...)
How do you stop loving someone and get over them
Q. Ok, this is going to sound like all the other silly questions about getting over guys, but I am struggling. Everyone tells you to get over someone, but HOW do you do it? I have been in love with a guy for a long time. He makes me smile, and knows...
A. 7 July 2010: Darling it's not easy I can tell you but the basics are:
Dont call or contact him
Put away anything that reminds you of him
Avoid places where you might bump into him
If he calls you, don't answer or reply.
Go out with your friends and focus o... (read in full...)
Should I run and not look back?
Q. [Mod Note: OP's original title] I've met a lovely man and we're in love. We'got to know each other slowly since the February and have been exclusive for 2 months BUT I have some issues that are concerning me. He was in a relationship for 5 yrs b...
A. 7 July 2010: I totally agree... narcisist...most definitely. The three things you have stated are key behaviours to the narcisist.
Not wanting to know about you, the 'no friends' thing or a reluctance to introduce you to family and manipulating the truth ab... (read in full...)
How do you stop loving someone and get over them
Q. Ok, this is going to sound like all the other silly questions about getting over guys, but I am struggling. Everyone tells you to get over someone, but HOW do you do it? I have been in love with a guy for a long time. He makes me smile, and knows...
A. 7 July 2010: You need to stop beating around the bush. Tell him you'd like to date him as you really get on with him. He could be backing off because if he thinks you don't want to be sexual. Not that he's going to jump on you immediately but men see sex as part ... (read in full...)
Friend is being distant should I tell her my true feelings?
Q. My female friend is in an unhappy marriage and has wanted to leave it but has now decided to work at it again for a few months. I am also in an unhappy marriage and want out. Recently we have become closer when she confided her marriage problems ...
A. 7 July 2010: If she definitely wants out at a later stage, comes to you...and whats more PROVES to you shes definitely ending her marriage...then would be a good time to tell her as she may need tyour support then. You also need to initiate your own divorce so ... (read in full...)
Friend is being distant should I tell her my true feelings?
Q. My female friend is in an unhappy marriage and has wanted to leave it but has now decided to work at it again for a few months. I am also in an unhappy marriage and want out. Recently we have become closer when she confided her marriage problems ...
A. 7 July 2010: There isn't much you can do hun. She has made the decision to try to work things out with her husband and you cannot interfere with that, however much you like her. Telling her how you feel at this time would be a mistake, because you know you arn't ... (read in full...)
Is it a stupid idea to let him know I cared?
Q. Hello, when I was living in China I dated a boy living there for a short time (in January 2010). Before we even got together I made sure he knew I was leaving to go home because my little brother was very ill. I was supposed to go back in March ...
A. 7 July 2010: If you lived in China, do you know anyone else who can translate a letter or e-mail from English to Chinese ( I am assuming the boy is Chinese) Then you can tell him everything that has happened and let him know how you feel. It is possible that you ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant? I'm afraid to ask my mother!
Q. Hi. My name is Quinn and i have been experiancing some weird things. I have been to many websites and nothing has helped. Could you please help me? Okay so this is what's happeneing, I have missed my period for 1 month and 1/2... but i have NOT h...
A. 7 July 2010: At your age you are still going through the body changes of puberty. It is normal to have irregular periods.
Sometimes if your body is underweight, that can also affect your period...so make sure you eat a regular and healthy diet. Another ... (read in full...)
How can I move on? I'm scared of being alone!
Q. My boyfried dumped me 2 weeks ago after an 18 month relationship because he says he doesn't love me. I am completely heart broken and don't know what to do with myself. Its affecting my behaviour in I can't seem to function properly and its ...
A. 6 July 2010: I too am so sorry to know your going through this. I have been through something similar myself where someone couldnt commit, told me they loved me and then withdrew saying we wern't compatible after a two year relationship. He too wanted to stay ... (read in full...)
Mistreated by husband but haven't the strength to leave
Q. Can anyone help? I've been with my husband for 12 years, but for the last 5 years, I've been unhappy at home! He constantly critisises and belittles me, both at home and in front of friends, family and strangers! 3 years ago, during an extrem...
A. 6 June 2010: Right now you do have the strength...how do I know?...Because your questioning the relationship, weighing up the abuse your suffering against what may lie ahead if you leave him and your asking for help here.
You sound like you have reached ... (read in full...)
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