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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I just want to know what do I do to stop being so attached to him!
Q. well, i have been in a relationship for 1 and a half year. day after day seems like he doesn't want me anymore. i have to force myself on him. i beg for attention. this morning i knew he starts work early so i rung him so many times but his phone ...
A. 18 December 2009: Yep I would say you definitely have issues with this!!!
Imagine if the tables were turned and it were your boyfriend calling you for every little thing, imagine if it were him who got upset just because you didn't say 'goodmorning' when you were... (read in full...)
How do I figure out which employee to cut?
Q. The company I work for needs to down size my office by one position. Since I'm the manager it's up to me to figure out which position can be eliminated and create a strategy for re-directing the work load to the other 4 workers. There are two ...
A. 18 December 2009: If it were me who had to decide, I'd keep the one who works hardest. If you really can't decide then speak to them both, tell them both their jobs are on the line and that if they both want to stay they will have to job share...and thats your final ... (read in full...)
I feel very protective of this man who has been married twice and already in another relationship
Q. omg i dont know whats happened to me i came out of a bad relationship 8 months ago-he left me financially crippled etc-used me for what he could get so no way am i looking for anyone-but this guy started at my work a month ago and we have worked t...
A. 18 December 2009: I think changing job roles to avoid him is a very sensible move, take control, protect yourself from pain and don't let things escalate. Loving someone before you have even got a relationship with them is a bit dodgy to be honest. Time away from him ... (read in full...)
How would married men handle the consequences if you mislead your other woman, who then becomes vengeful and discloses the affair to your family?
Q. I would like to address this email to men's point of view who somehow cheated on their wife both online affairs and in real situation. Men cheat because there are women who are wiling to cheat with them, these are facts. Most likely women too...
A. 18 December 2009: Sometimes I think the best thing is to hold up your head and walk away. The only real issue you have is how to let whatever feelings that have built up, gradually fade away.
People who cheat (both men and women) know there are potentially painful ... (read in full...)
I feel very protective of this man who has been married twice and already in another relationship
Q. omg i dont know whats happened to me i came out of a bad relationship 8 months ago-he left me financially crippled etc-used me for what he could get so no way am i looking for anyone-but this guy started at my work a month ago and we have worked t...
A. 16 December 2009: Well blowing all the smoke aside and reading between the lines, I'd say you fancy the pants off him and are maybe enjoying the attention. We don't tend to dress up for friends or get overly excited to see them so, to me, it seems there is a little ... (read in full...)
Why we shouldn't cheat
Q. Since Tiger Woods has now admitted to cheating it seems like everybody is doing it. So why not cheat? There are a lot of other respectable politicians and entertainment personalities who have done it and some even get caught doing it as well. So ...
A. 15 December 2009: When all is said and done I have to say I am against cheating...even though I know human beings are not manogamous by nature and that fidelity is mostly down to social/religious and cultural pressure.
Almost everyone has the potential to cheat bu... (read in full...)
I beleive a three year gap is appropriate.
Q. *I want to preface this article by saying I do not condone nor do I oppose the dating of under age women/men, unless of course we are talking about molestation in which case you can burn in hell.* I often time hear people say "I really like this ...
A. 15 December 2009: Hear Hear!!! Jolly well said!!!... (read in full...)
We were due to be getting married before Christmas but his close frienship with another woman is ruining everything!
Q. A coule of months ago I posted a question regarding my fiance's very close friendship with another woman and how I felt uncomfortable with it. Well we are due to be married before Christmas and ths lady has started calling him more and more. ...
A. 15 December 2009: I agree with you. I am so so so sorry for saying this but if he really loved and wanted to get married to you, he would be breaking down the door and begging forgiveness at your cancellation of events. The fact he isn't speaking to you at all speaks ... (read in full...)
What am I supposed to learn from my affair and failed marriage?
Q. I had the affair first, im still trying to understand why. I pushed my wife away then she had an affair. I have lied and cheated, i have been egotistical and controlling. I have hurt my wife and my young children. I have destroyed everything that i ...
A. 15 December 2009: I am sorry your childhood was awful, indeed such events can have a devastating impact on adult life...but there is little you can do now with regard to your marriage.
There is all manner of help out there to get your life back on track, realise ... (read in full...)
We were due to be getting married before Christmas but his close frienship with another woman is ruining everything!
Q. A coule of months ago I posted a question regarding my fiance's very close friendship with another woman and how I felt uncomfortable with it. Well we are due to be married before Christmas and ths lady has started calling him more and more. ...
A. 15 December 2009: Theres often no smoke without fire and all that...If there is nothing going on between these two then they are doing an absolutely cracking job of pretending there is!!!.
I am totally with you on the trust issue and there is something fishy ab... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend to play hard to get?
Q. I've been with my GF for several years. how can I get her to flirt, be coy or evasive, and make me work for her? I've secretly researched how to make myself sexier and it definitely works on her. Currently, I can get any sex act I want at the ...
A. 15 December 2009: Well you could just ask her to do it...kinda role play what you want, but to be honest with your new found animal magnetism and woman attracting skills making you all flirty with other gals...well your woman might really play hard to get...she might ... (read in full...)
I texted my wife's sister and she's no longer talking to me!
Q. i have this sexually fantasy of doing it with my wife's only and youngest sister. she's not pretty. dark, thin, small breasted and all but i am really turned on when i think of having sex with her. i texted her anonymously but she's very bright she ...
A. 15 December 2009: I would advise you to get some professional help...it seems you have no morals or even the smallest idea of where the boundaries lie within relationships. It is despicable behaviour and shows you have utter lack of respect for your wife, her sister ... (read in full...)
This pervy man has threatened me, posted pictures of me on the internet and I just don't know what to do!,
Q. This might seem like a strange question to ask help for, but I don't know who to turn to for advice. When I was 16 I was friends with an older man who told me he was a photographer. I was happy at first because I was studying photography at c...
A. 15 December 2009: You need to speak to the police. They now have specially trained officers who will handle such complaints sensitively. Although at the age of consent, you were still young when this happened and evidence from your computer and phone can be gathered ... (read in full...)
I want to talk to him but can't seem to find the words
Q. Hi, I would really appreciate some advice. My ex and I were together for 6 years, all lovely at first but he was going through a divorce at the time which took a toll on him individually and us as a couple. It didn't help that he can be ...
A. 29 November 2009: Your probably filled with doubt and fear about being dropped again or going through the same as you did before with him. Because you feel so unsettled, despite feeling love for him, your sending mixed messages and men truly hate this...well anyone ... (read in full...)
My wife versus my mother
Q. My wife and mother tolerate each other but recently when I suggested that it might be nice for my mother if I made an overnight visit, my wife went off into a weekend sulk saying it was a snub. My mother is in her 80's and I have asked my wife ho...
A. 29 November 2009: No it's not reasonable but like everything else there are ways of saying stuff to get what you want. I can understand you wanting to have more time with your mum. I wonder if your wife's folks are still alive.
Stay calm but don't back down, le... (read in full...)
Good friend I don't want to lose but no physical spark
Q. Question: Should I still be looking for sex in a relationship? I have been introduced to a very independent lady by a friend. This lady is solvent, lovely, kind, has a caring personality, good job and no children. She was happily married up t...
A. 29 November 2009: If this is just a friendship and you are both fully aware of this fact then she shouldn't be under any illusion that if another woman came along who you were physically attracted to...well your going to go for it. If she thinks she is in a ... (read in full...)
I told her I wasnt ready, and that she felt lust not love, will she talk to me again
Q. Welcome, This is my life, Im Dave 16 and 6 months old, Tash is 16 and 11 months old Im gonna write the situation, and Id be very thankful if you could give me the next steps I could follow. There is this girl called Tash, her and I are ...
A. 29 November 2009: Yes you were absolutely right to tell her ' I don't know'. Having sex for the first time is a big move and involves consequences both physical and emotional. If you have any doubts then don't go with it.
Your at an important age where it is natur... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and underweight, and need some dietary help
Q. Hi, and thanks for anyone that replies back to me :) I just had two quick questions. Well three months ago I found out I was pregnant so I started going to the Health Department here where I live for one of there programs. The last I went there was ...
A. 29 November 2009: If your past 16 weeks pregnant you don't need to continue taking folic acid. Its only really important to have it in the first trimester. If you do eat nuts, please avoid peanuts. If you eat eggs make sure they are cooked until solid.... (read in full...)
The baby was born 11 months after I was home, is the baby mine?
Q. I have a question when i was home from Iraq last year 2008 the last time me and my wife had sex was april 4th 2008 when i cam back from iraq ahe told me she was preg and then on March 1st 2009 our son was born her due date was feb 26 2009 now is ...
A. 29 November 2009: Ive worked this out every conceivable way I can using a conception wheel and even allowing a two week margin either side of conception (which can happen) the very latest the baby would have been born would be mid january 2009 (this allows a 42 week ... (read in full...)
Twenty years later my abusive ex is still following me
Q. After you have left an abusive relationship that lasted 20 years, and you left nearly 2 years ago, why would the abusive person stil seem to try and follow you around even when they have got a new girlfriend?...
A. 29 November 2009: Because it gives him a sense of power over someone he once had control over and all the while he can give the impression of intimidation it gives him a buzz...he can play 'the big man' in his head when everyone else around him really thinks hes full ... (read in full...)
My jailbird husband holds a get out of jail card, but I have moved on
Q. I have a very complicated situation. Most people would say it is very clear cut but to me it isn't. I married the man of my dreams, who I was very much in love with. Eight months after we married, he strangled me and beat me up. He called the police ...
A. 29 November 2009: I'd tell him now. That way he knows the score before he gets out of jail. I agree with the other aunts and uncles here...the relationship is over. You need to forget those feelings you have for him, everytime they crop up think of all the bad he ... (read in full...)
I want my best friends wife, I already had her friend
Q. I need help.... I find my friend's wife attractive and I am afraid that I desire her.... We were watching a game few years ago and when our team scored,everybod was jumping, congrulating each other and me and her hugged each other...It was s...
A. 29 November 2009: 'She has kids and take care of your house,loves her husband and really decent person...'
'she did say she likes me as friend '
'I am so angry with my self once again because she is my friend's wife....I am very angry'
our words say it all.... (read in full...)
I am foxy and gorgeous, and hot for my nerdy cousin
Q. alright so im a pretty gorgeous 19 year old 5 foot three 105 pound outgoing hilarious fun foxy lady haha basically iv never in my life have had an issue in dateing. Guys love me i get them wrapped round my little finger haha :) my issue is i total...
A. 29 November 2009: I think you should'nt date your cousin...it's a bad idea.... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and underweight, and need some dietary help
Q. Hi, and thanks for anyone that replies back to me :) I just had two quick questions. Well three months ago I found out I was pregnant so I started going to the Health Department here where I live for one of there programs. The last I went there was ...
A. 29 November 2009: Its normal to feel tired and a bit under the weather withing the first few months of pregnancy. After about 16 weeks you should start to see your energy levels return to normal as long as your eating a good diet. Carbohydrates like bread pasta and ... (read in full...)
I have had two broken dates, and now I think a brush off
Q. Hi there, ok so about a month ago I had a relationship breakup. I am fine with it because the guy was treating me like crap. Well there was a guy (I'll call him J) that him and I were both friends with throughout the time we were together. My ex ...
A. 29 November 2009: Men rarely like to come out of any situation looking like a bad guy, they are also really TERRIBLE at doing the right thing and inadvertantly will give to the run a round when they are trying to wriggle out of a situation. Lots and lots of men do ... (read in full...)
So why did he do this? Why was he involved in these sex sites, and connecting to women?
Q. I have been in a relationship for three and a half years now. My man was a very moody person, but I, being passive, could usually take it. Like every other couple, we had our ups and downs. A year ago as I went to use his computer, I saw that he ...
A. 29 November 2009: You said it yourself in the closing lines of your story...the trust has gone.
He sounds like a controlling moody a**hole with an addictive personality. These types of characters will always seek out attention to boost their ego and sex and dati... (read in full...)
She has the proof that he is cheating yet she is still with him!
Q. I told my ex husbands girlfriend that he was cheating on her and gave her a CD of him and I talking about getting back together! They live together and he wants his cake and eat it to! I told her everything and she is still with him! Why does she ...
A. 29 November 2009: He is totally playing you...get out while you have the chance or else your head will be so messed up you won't know if your coming or going. If he won't stay away from you get a restraining order.
It really sickens me when some men play games li... (read in full...)
I got my man, but now I don't want him
Q. Im desperated for a man to make me feel better when I divorced my husband 4 years ago. I fancied this man 20 years older than me. He is very supportive throughout my divorce. I am so happy I am in love again. But now I find him less attractive ...
A. 28 November 2009: It's so true that relationships are hard work. There are some things we need from them like companionship and support and those things are hard to live without when your single, but they are not reasons to stay with someone if you don't feel 100% ... (read in full...)
Going through his phone because I don't trust him!
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with a man that I won't to marry but I fill as though I am not enough for him I've told him how I feel about him conversating with other women it really make me fill uncomfortable once I got into a relationship with ...
A. 28 November 2009: Its not enough to possess someone in a relationship and such behaviour will not make them more faithful or make them stay with you. People are in relationships because they want to be there. Trust has to be built and both sides need to feel ... (read in full...)
She has the proof that he is cheating yet she is still with him!
Q. I told my ex husbands girlfriend that he was cheating on her and gave her a CD of him and I talking about getting back together! They live together and he wants his cake and eat it to! I told her everything and she is still with him! Why does she ...
A. 28 November 2009: I would think that the very last person on earth that someone wants relationship advice from is a partners ex...and especially one who is fighting to get him back.
Maybe she doesn't believe you, or maybe what is between them is stronger and not ... (read in full...)
My need to phone him is ruining my life!
Q. Dear cupid: I have a serious problem and I need help. I don't even know how to describe it so I will describe some incidents that have happenned. One Saturday night I called my bf. He answered and said he is doing something or he is takin...
A. 26 November 2009: Try this book:
'Women who think too much' by Susan Nolan Hoeksema
It really has some marvellous coping strategies for anxiety that is taking over your life and helps you to rationalise any erratic thinking.
Aunty Em xxx... (read in full...)
I don't want to leave but I cant carry on like this! How can I talk to him about this?
Q. I've been with this man for four years after my divorce. Things go well until recent months he's always got pain and aches. He is near 70. Our sex life has gone downhill. He has tried his best to please me but the strength is just not there. Im ...
A. 26 November 2009: Sounds to me like this guy was there for you when you really needed him. Getting over divorce is tough. You must have realised when you met him that the age difference between you would throw up some difficulties eventually but maybe you wern't ... (read in full...)
Why would he invite me out for dinner but then never call or texts to arrange the date?
Q. I sent an email to a guy I used to work with--just a "hi, how are you doing" email. He answered and said "we should get together for dinner and catch up on things." He included his cell number. I called a couple of days later, we talked for abt 15 ...
A. 26 November 2009: Seriously he would have lost me at the ' That's pressure!!' line. What a complete idiot he must be to dangle a 'carrot' in front of you and keep you waiting and waiting!!! I'd ignore him and if he ever gets back in touch to offer dinner again...I'd ... (read in full...)
My naked neighbour!
Q. I live next door to a young woman who walks around naked in her house. She is very fit and has every reason to be proud of her body, I guess, but she keeps the windows open for the whole neighborhood to see her. This has upset me a lot especially ...
A. 26 November 2009: Wow isn't it weird how different people have different views about nudity!!! I can get your point but making it a police issue is a little vindictive...it's her home!! In England an Englishman's home is his castle and he (or she) can walk around ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so strongly for this guy I've only known 2 weeks???
Q. this is so weird but a guy ive only worked with a couple of days we are talking like best buddies we get on extremely well and spend all day laughing and joking but get the work done. im feeling something for him and i dont know why. hes new but ...
A. 26 November 2009: I agree totally with caring guy. You've had a rough time so any positive attention you recieve will be welcome...we all need a boost. You seem like a caring person and someone like this bloke who has had a lot of drama...well he's going to be ... (read in full...)
Do I consider this relationship over? Do I give him space and try and move forward whilst hoping he'll get back in touch?
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help - It might be a long story! About six weeks ago, I reconnected with an old classmate on Facebook. We got chatting and sharing stories. I told him about a recent break up which I'd gone through which although was ...
A. 25 November 2009: I just want to add my condolences to you following the previous good answers given. Break up are HARD!!! we are all subject to them at one time or another and nothing seems to rationalise the situation.
I can't see you did anything wrong. This blo... (read in full...)
In love with my cheating ex
Q. I need help!! I split with my kids dad almost 2 years ago after his constant cheating, he ran me up loads of debt as well and at the time wouldnt help me with our 2 children. Since we split i have tried to rebuild our lives, I paid my ex's debts of...
A. 25 November 2009: Any ex relationship where there are children involved is difficult...its impossible to avoid someone who has to have access to his kids, unless he's under supervision!!!
The way I see it, you have two ways to go.
Follow your heart, take him ... (read in full...)
My wife wants me back but I've booked a holiday with my internet lover!
Q. I develop an embarasing problem where i lost all of my head hair. resently my wife and i have drifted away and i was planning to leave her for another beautiful woman that i met online. she is dazling. since my head hair loss things have turned rite ...
A. 24 November 2009: Oh my goodness!!! ...Sorry man but this really made me laugh. I agree with mal and the whole wig buying thingy!!! Hahaha!!! I do feel very sorry for your wife and the whole cheating thing...well you will sink into a pit of your own making but ... (read in full...)
I am frightened about making a complete fool of myself. Am I ready for a relationship?
Q. I have been concentrating on my children for 4 years since I split up from my husband. This year I am finally learning to love myself again and do things for me. I started running and lost weight and I feel good about myself again. Only I feel so ...
A. 24 November 2009: Hey there,
All I can say 'been there, done that' because I have...have also tried the younger guy thing and that particular guy didn't work out. My current partner is three years younger than me and that is working out for now!!! right...... (read in full...)
He already has a friend with benefits and I just want him to leave me alone!
Q. Why can't I just tell this guy to leave me alone, I have gotton into a situation where I am becoming a FWB with a guy at work so I have stayed away from him but he keeps making an effort to speak to me, it's killing me because I like him so so much ...
A. 24 November 2009: Lord I have such massive issues with the whole FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS set up. To me, it's just a whole store of trouble and I genuinely believe that women especially cannot help themselves but get emotionally involved once things have gone so far.
... (read in full...)
How do I get my self-esteem and confidence back after all life has thrown at me?
Q. When I came to this site, I was rock bottom in life. After going through so much adversity, in my life my self esteem plummeted. After visiting this site, I learned that so many man and women are going through similar problems and issues. My ...
A. 24 November 2009: Amongst many things I believe that a fundemental act of getting your self esteem and confidence back is to take real good care of yourself. Keeping healthy, eating a well balanced diet and taking some execise make you feel better. It doesn't have to ... (read in full...)
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