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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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How can I move on? I'm scared of being alone!
Q. My boyfried dumped me 2 weeks ago after an 18 month relationship because he says he doesn't love me. I am completely heart broken and don't know what to do with myself. Its affecting my behaviour in I can't seem to function properly and its ...
A. 6 July 2010: I too am so sorry to know your going through this. I have been through something similar myself where someone couldnt commit, told me they loved me and then withdrew saying we wern't compatible after a two year relationship. He too wanted to stay ... (read in full...)
Opinions please on this email he sent to me....
Q. I just want some opinions regarding how someone I know feels about me, if you were to receive this email, what would YOU think, its not the full email, just a part of it which I received today. I've known them for a long time and it is starting to ...
A. 5 July 2010: Even if he is only a few years older than you...it's still illegal. You need to go carefully and just avoid him and his advances. If you reciprocate in any way, you could also be held accountable and as I said before...prosecution carries a jail ... (read in full...)
Why is he ignoring me for so long?
Q. I am in a ldr(long distance relation)for about 5 years. My bf is angry with me for getting him in trouble at work by being I admit annoying and over texting him. I realize I was annoying, and didn't consider his job but I believe I just miss him and ...
A. 5 July 2010: He is ignoring you because you were over mesaging him and you annoyed him. He is working 2 jobs and has a sick mother. Your a Long distance girlfriend nd 'out of sight, out of mind'.
If I were you, I'd back right off, stop trying to second g... (read in full...)
Is it right for a boyfriend to say that he should always be your top priority?
Q. I'd like your opinions about this. Is it right for a boyfriend to say that he should always be your top priority, meaning even more important than your friends and family, e.t.c ?. Personally, i think everyone should be treated equally. i dont think ...
A. 5 July 2010: I think your right and he is wrong. You should definitely consider him as important...but top priority at all times?...nope. Well done for recognising controlling behaviour xxx... (read in full...)
He proposed over two years ago, but we are no closer to being married!
Q. My fiance and I have been together and lived together for 8.5 years now. He proposed 2.5 years ago. We bought a house together this year. Whenever I bring up getting married he becomes upset and last week he told me he "isn't ready". I am in my ...
A. 5 July 2010: Hmmm he has kinda lead you on by proposing to you and now he is backing out. I can understand your frustration and it makes it more difficult as you now own property together. If he says he isn't ready...what he is saying is that he has changed his ... (read in full...)
Opinions please on this email he sent to me....
Q. I just want some opinions regarding how someone I know feels about me, if you were to receive this email, what would YOU think, its not the full email, just a part of it which I received today. I've known them for a long time and it is starting to ...
A. 5 July 2010: Lemony darling...this isn't your fault that he is being innapropriate and I agree you should stay out of his way. Do not let it drag you down, you seem to have enough to cope with.
I can understand you not wanting to go to the police but if, afte... (read in full...)
Is he just being nice? Or sending me mixed signals?
Q. Here is my dilemma. I dated a man one year ago. I was the one to ask him out for coffee. We ended up really clicking and dated for six months. We kept our relationship a secret because my kids knew each other. Didn't really have any major ...
A. 5 July 2010: I think it would be a good idea to have a real good think about this man and what you want from him.
Do you want a lasting relationship from him?
Are you prepared to work through any issues he has with ED?(Its really common in older man and can ... (read in full...)
How to get over being old-fashioned
Q. This perhaps isn't so much a specific question as a debating point, but as it's bugging me... Sometimes I feel so old fashioned I feel as if I don't belong here. I believe in sex before marriage, having been in an LTR that died because of sexua...
A. 5 July 2010: Well the whole idea of having morals and principles is so that you can live by them and hopefully find someone else who shares the same ideas.
Of course we live in a very sexually open society these days and people care less and less about se... (read in full...)
Am I making a big deal over nothing? I am consumed by his relatiomship with his ex!
Q. When me and my bf were together for 2 months, his ex started calling him. This is the woman he thought he would marry. He told me she called and they talked on the phone, and I wasn't mad. After another month he let me borrow his phone, and his ...
A. 5 July 2010: 'I forgave him, but since then I still hold it against him.'= you haven't forgiven him.
'I believe him when he says that's all it was, but I still get upset about it, even 7 months later.' = You haven't forgiven him.
If nothing else has happene... (read in full...)
Opinions please on this email he sent to me....
Q. I just want some opinions regarding how someone I know feels about me, if you were to receive this email, what would YOU think, its not the full email, just a part of it which I received today. I've known them for a long time and it is starting to ...
A. 5 July 2010: Whatever the motives, reasonings or feelings that either of you have, any sexual or emotive relationship that goes beyond the normal neice/uncle dynamic is incest.
Incest in the UK is illegal under the Sexual Offences act 2003. It carries a maximu... (read in full...)
If a man is using you for sex why would he keep on coming back even if he didnt get it every time?
Q. if a man is using you for sex would he keep coming back even if he didnt always get it and sometimes he did but it wasnt great? how do you tell if someone is genuine or a really good liar, i have to say he has a girlfriend and the rule of thumb is ...
A. 5 July 2010: Ask yourself, first and foremost if YOU are HAPPY with this situation your in? (I will call it a situation because it isn't a relationship).
Being 'used for sex'...lets take a look at that! Some girls are smart. They allow themselves to be used ... (read in full...)
Why was my boyfriend grossed out by this?
Q. Hi I would like to ask all you Aunts out there this question.Why would my boyfriend be grossed out by this.We had been mucking around and he started to put his finger down on my vagina.he then said your dry as,i turned to him and said no way and i ...
A. 5 July 2010: No idea!!!...you need to ask him. Its the only way your going to know what he thinks.... (read in full...)
How do I leave a controlling cop?
Q. Help, I am living with a controlling man, who is also a policeman. I own my own house and have told him to leave but he refuses to. He had a messed up upbringing, doesnt speak to his family, has issues beyond belief and is manipulative. ...
A. 5 July 2010: Despite him being a policeman, he still has no right to stay in your home if you dont want him there. Contact a local domestic violence helpline for advice (your local council can give you a number). Gather any evidence that you can. It may be ... (read in full...)
Could her friends be wrong? Am I right for her?
Q. I recently dated a woman who is also dating another man. Mutual friends of her and the other man set them up. I asked her to explain her current situation because i was unsure why after 3 months she would be dating someone in addition to him. She ...
A. 4 July 2010: For the sake of sanity and self dignity I think you should hold off dating her until she ditches the other guy. Could turn out that she is stringing both of you along because she doesn't know what she wants. Let her be, and go about your business, ... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there or walk away before I get hurt?
Q. I got together with my guy about two months ago after a very long friendship. At the beginning all seemed really great - he confessed that he had had feelings for me for sometime and he seemed really keen to progress the relationship. He lives over ...
A. 4 July 2010: He has said he wants to continue and has asked you to have more faith. In guy speak that means 'I want to continue the relationship and I wish you worked with me'.
You are second guessing the situation, your feale ming is filling in the gaps (as... (read in full...)
I think he may be cheating, but I need proof!
Q. I strongly suspect my husband has, or is about to cheat on me.Pevious posts to this site, and the replies recieved,say my instincts and gut feelings are right! I am absolutely sickened and heartbroken, but I know he will deny all and make me out to ...
A. 1 July 2010: Suspicion alone should be enough, you dont need evidence to divorce him. Go for irreconcilable differences. If you have kids, the court will favour your side. Any arguments in court may result in his mobile phone company providing evidence, but this ... (read in full...)
Is she just using me as a comfort provider?
Q. I am a 66 year old male married to a woman 15 years younger,our relationship is becoming more and more strenuous.The main reasons are money and our sex life when it comes to money I feel that she spends way beyond her means.For exsample $2200.00 on ...
A. 30 June 2010: You don't actually mention how the rest of your marriage is. whether you work well together and spend time together, whether you have vacations together and can talk.
I think talking is the key. You have nothing to lose by telling her how you feel... (read in full...)
I treated my ex like crap and I want to tell her I'm sorry
Q. I'm not proud of what I've done and I just want to make it right but I don't know how. Please could anyone help? A couple of years ago I was seeing a woman who I was serious about, took her on holiday with my son and introduced her to all my ...
A. 29 June 2010: Just as I said...was a damage limitation exercise...you arnt at all sorry. If she didnt have mutual friends with your new girlfriend, I doubt you would have bothered to apologise at all.
Don't suppose you'd actually stop being a scumbag?... (read in full...)
I treated my ex like crap and I want to tell her I'm sorry
Q. I'm not proud of what I've done and I just want to make it right but I don't know how. Please could anyone help? A couple of years ago I was seeing a woman who I was serious about, took her on holiday with my son and introduced her to all my ...
A. 28 June 2010: You want to apologise?...but you dont want her to rub your face in it???...don't sound too sincere to me. Sounds more like damage limitation so people wont tell your new partner what your really like.
Given the chance your ex DESERVES to rub your... (read in full...)
Three weeks of texting and calling and getting to know him wasted! Why do they do this?
Q. hi..everyone... met a guy from a dating site.. i have been texting a calling a guy for the last 3 weeks... he has been texting and calling me back...i was due to meet him but he said a family crisis had arisen and he couldnt meet up... when i te...
A. 28 June 2010: What a cowardly bloke!!! Doesn't it make you mad when that happens!
I agree with Older sister...keep the contact brief before you meet, don't invest too much expectation or emotion up front, until you know the bloke is genuine.
It wasn't you... (read in full...)
I don't want kids and can't find a woman who doesn't
Q. This will sound an odd question but are there ANY women out there who don't have a desire to have kids? I am 36 and am single again after 10 years. My partner had no desire to have kids, which suited me. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids - I ...
A. 28 June 2010: I wonder if you object to dating someone a little older than you whose kids are maybe almost grown?...it's an option...or do you just want a one on one?
I know it must be frustrating for you but there is no real answer other than wait and see, I g... (read in full...)
I don't want kids and can't find a woman who doesn't
Q. This will sound an odd question but are there ANY women out there who don't have a desire to have kids? I am 36 and am single again after 10 years. My partner had no desire to have kids, which suited me. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids - I ...
A. 28 June 2010: Maybe you might have to wait until your in your 40's to truly find a woman who shares your desire to remain child free. There are certainly quite a few woman who don't want children, but in their 30's, I think women struggle more with the 'ticking ... (read in full...)
I need to let him down easy and not ruin our friendship!
Q. I just reconnected with an old friend and he wants more than friendship. When I met him until I last saw him, I was already with my ex-husband. Now that I'm single, he's making a move. I've never seen this side of him and it's freaking me out. I ...
A. 27 June 2010: Hmmm it's going to be a tough one and however you tell him, he is probably going to be hurt a little. It would be worse, however to let things develop because you can't get the nerve to say something.
It's probably best to speak to him over the... (read in full...)
I've done so much for him, why is he suddenly being so rude?
Q. i really like this guy i work with. ill admit i like him more than friends but ive done a hell of a lot for him since he started-supported him through his probation at work, brought him stuff to cheer him up and been a rock to him through his spilt ...
A. 27 June 2010: He maybe hasn't realised that you are attracted to him and that your efforts to help him have gone unnoticed (some people are thick skinned). You may have misread him and he may be a user who has now become bored of your attention.
As this aff... (read in full...)
Been seeing ex as a friend, but he ditched me
Q. So I've been seeing my ex as friends on and off on the weekends. we hang out as friends. Anyway the last time i talked to him was 3 days ago. he told me that theres a new restaurant and said lets check it out this weekend. I told him sure i don't ...
A. 27 June 2010: It's clear you still have feelings for this man. He is using you as a convienience, and drops you when he gets a better offer (a**hole in my opinion).
I always say it's almost impossible to remain friends with an ex if one 'still loves' and the ... (read in full...)
We live together and he texts his high school sweetheart a lot - what do I do?
Q. I live with my boyfriend and we have 2 sons, but he has this friend who was his high school sweetheart, whom he texts a lot. One day I went through his texts, and I saw that he calls her all these cute names he doesn't even use for me and when I ...
A. 27 June 2010: He is making a fool out of you and it's definately NOT ok for him to be sweet talking an ex and sharing jokes with her about nicknames for you.
Men don't often like being told what to do. He will most likely make every excuse to be able to conti... (read in full...)
Should I write a letter to end things with him? Or just forget about it?
Q. Hi I had dated this guy and because of some things on both our parts , we kind of broke up. I tried very hard to work things out but he would always be mean to me, so I decided to accept that he didn't want the relationship back, but everytime I ...
A. 26 June 2010: Grrr...end it. He is majorly messing with you. You deserve better.... (read in full...)
He's okay with casual sex, I'm not. Should I stop dating him?
Q. I saw this guy that I know. He asked for my number,so since he wasn't dating anyone and I wasn't I did. When he called we talked and he said he wanted to take me on a nice trip. He has been trying to have sex with me, but I'm not ready to be in a ...
A. 26 June 2010: By telling you he's taking other girls on those trips, he is manipulating you and putting pressure on you to have sex...hoping you will be upset enough or jealous enough to jump into bed with him.
Anyone who puts that much pressure on you, is ... (read in full...)
An ex has started to give me a kiss!?!
Q. My ex has started to kiss me on the lips when saying bye after not doing anything so personal since our divorce 2 years ago when i've really stayed very much out of his way. Recently we bumped into each other several times and he made a deliberate ...
A. 26 June 2010: If you had depression when you were with him, then it's probably a good idea to avoid him now. The past cannot be changed, you have dealt with your issues and are now happy. If you see him and he tries to kiss you again, you need to let him know ... (read in full...)
Why am I still not his top priority?
Q. I have been dating a man for several years. At times he can be very sweet and attentive, taking me to dinner, bringing me little presents, but the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing past the dating phase. He tells me he loves me often, ...
A. 26 June 2010: Yes you should expect to be a priority as much as you make your partner a priority in your life (it's how relationships grow stronger). Maybe he genuinely doesn't see you as his priority because he's a little thick skinned!!. You have tried to talk ... (read in full...)
Will I never find anyone on the same wavelength as me??
Q. I am an attractive 42 year old who has had quite a tough life and been married twice to men who treated me quite badly. I am currently going out with a man who is very kind but I dont feel we are on the same intellectual wave length and I just dont ...
A. 21 June 2010: Maybe you will and maybe you won't. There are no guarantees that anyone will find love. Some people stay in unhappy relationships because they fear aloneness and many remain single because they have embraced the lifestyle and enjoy just having ... (read in full...)
Been together 3 months and he's starting to irritate me, should I just call it a day?
Q. I'm in a real dilemma and don't know what to do. I met by boyfriend 3 months ago. We get on well although we have never been out on a date. He just comes to my house and we hang out. He calls/texts each day sometimes we talk for ages. The probl...
A. 18 June 2010: No I think you should stay with him...he sounds like an absolute dreamboat!!!!!
Seriously!!!, you arnt happy and he isnt playing along either. Do you really need anyone else to tell you to end it???... (read in full...)
Will my heart ever mend?
Q. Ever had your heart broken so badly it hurts physically inside too, like you have had it ripped out without painkillers? I have. My ex destroyed me, my self esteem, my confidence and faith. He led me on for years believing he wanted me, wanted to ...
A. 18 June 2010: All previous answers are excellent and they are right...you need to give yourself as much time as you need. I suffered a bad break up a while back and I really wallowed for quite some time after. It's a terrible feeling and I was verging on becoming ... (read in full...)
His excuses don't add up, but I don't have the courage to leave him!
Q. I am 60 years old and married for 25 years. A relative saw my husband with a woman at theater. I found a motel receipt (paid by cash, not credit card) registered under his name. When asked, he said he saw homeless couples and let them stay in that ...
A. 17 June 2010: Nothing is wrong with you...your just trying to figure out how the man you have been married to for so many years is now treating you badly and cheating.
The whole line about the homeless couple is clearly a lie.
I wished we lived in a world... (read in full...)
How do I let go after 4 years?
Q. I have been in a relationship with this man a little over years now. In the beginning he told me all he wanted was a friends with benefits kind of relationship. well, i just had a baby so i was in no rush at all to jump into a relationship. so i ...
A. 17 June 2010: Darling you have my sympathy and I completely understand where you are at.
I spent 2 and a half years of my life with a man who did exactly the same. He swore I was the one but constantly met other women and cheated on me. He was cruel and nast... (read in full...)
Made out, emailed but no replies
Q. I have just broken up from a long relationship and was not intending to meet any one. However whilst dancing in a club and a bit tipsy I met a guy. I flirted with him and refrained from giving him my contact details and name, likewise he did the ...
A. 17 June 2010: Sounds just like a brief liason. Your reading way too much into it (as typically women do). So you flirted and teased a little...he flirted and teased a little...it happens.
By all means e-mail him again when he is back in town. Just a friendly... (read in full...)
Should I bother waiting for him, or should I move on?
Q. I come to this point that I’m, looking for others people opinion. Here is my story. I met this guy at work about 2 years ago we start sleeping together, there is a difference in years between us (he is 29 I’m 38); he said thats not a problem ...
A. 17 June 2010: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-doesnt-want-a-girlfriend-so-am-i.html
Previous post with answers.... (read in full...)
He's so distant, but we had a great weekend!!
Q. Why do men pull back with no contact after a fantastic weekend. Fairly new relaionship, my guy so full on telling me how special i was and wanted to be serious with me. Then nothing, cancelled date as he wasnt feeling well and nothing..Should i make ...
A. 16 June 2010: Well maybe give it a week to see if he makes contact...If he does then all well and good...If he doesn't then I wouldn't bother chasing as men tend to not respond to that.
Sorry it turned out like that for you...another guy won't treat you that... (read in full...)
He didn't come to bed... what's going on???
Q. my boyfriend has always come to bed with me every night and of course in my past relationhips, i have been accustomed to this. last night (after we have been having a lot of problems/fights), he didn't want to come to bed at all. he had to work this ...
A. 16 June 2010: I agree with Sara...your being clingy and over dependant on him.
You said you have been having lots of fights...men tend to need space when they have an argument or a problem. He probably needed time to think. You may have felt hurt that he didn'... (read in full...)
Is he really interested? Do I text too much?
Q. Been on three dates with this guy. Had a brief kiss on the second date (dinner at his home) and a long kiss on the third date. He is planning to come to dinner at my home and stay the night because he lives 1 hour away. I text him everyday and ...
A. 15 June 2010: I wouldnt let him stay at your house after only 3 dates, especially as he has been a bit erratic with his contact. Play it cool for a few days...dont text him and see how he reacts. If you don't hear from him...I'd forget him.... (read in full...)
Help! Why did he break up with me and continue to see me?
Q. I am 40 and my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I love him and want him back. He is having financial problems and that is part of the reason he ended it. He is basically broke and he said he didn't have time to put in a relationship ...
A. 12 June 2010: If it's hurting you to see him...then don't see him. He has asked for time and space to deal with his problems. Men typically need to have that kind of request respected when they are trying to figure things out.
You should just try and get on w... (read in full...)
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