A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 6 years now and would like to have a threesome with my girlfriend. She does not want to. i also like looking at porn and chatting on the net and understandably this upsets her. she says the threesome(watching porn and chatting as well) will finish off our relationship. I know the reason for her feelings about the situation, and i do love her. My question is: how do i forget about wanting and craving a threesome and wanting to watch/craving porn (and chatting)?.
View related questions:
porn, the internet, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 I think Its important that you do have a threesome , tell her to lighten up , Its just physical pleasure , once you have a great threesome , she will see what shes been missing out on ..and become a little more relaxed .
Theres nothing wrong with Porn or threesomes ..every human being should experience a threesome at least once , if she wont do it , find a couple of others who will .
Its just good , clean , physical desire ..Go for it !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): Hi, I tagged your question/thread in my watched list because I appreciate that you want to get rid of your desires, and interestingly in an effort to respect your girlfriend.
I initially wanted to respond, but was very interested in your further disclosures and what the general replies were. As I saw you and others interact I felt a common ground and encouraged for my own b/f.
I want to thank you and the others whom demonstrate a belief that feelings and desires can be changed, and change out of motivation to love and respect someone else. It helped me gain a little more faith regarding my relationship.
I too subscribe to the belief we can change desire. I am fortunate to have that skill for me personally, it has been a tool for much relief and peace. My character is a work in progress, another person who makes mistakes every few minutes, and with the ability to control my desires, it makes this bumbling-through-my-relationship job more bearable. Especially for my b/f!
I would be grateful to hear more of how this matter unfolds for you and then further thoughts from the respondents.
My best wishes -
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): You don't get it out of your system, it's a fantasy we all have them. Use it as a fantasy to aid masturbation or something, just don't act on it or keep mentioning it her as you know she doesn't like it. It's okay to think about it and have that fantasy, there's nothing wrong with it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know it is hurting her, the sex life is fairly good. we've tried quiet a few things. i just want to know how to get it(threesome etc) out of my system. and she is one of the most attractive women i know. don't wanna lose her and don't wanna hurt her
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I totally agree with most replies and you really need to try to think how she feels(if you love her).How would you feel if she would ask you to bring her male friend(fitness instructor), as a third person into your sex life.Just imagine her moaning and wanting him in front of you.Wouldn't you feel very uncomfortable?and jelous?and upset?!?!Put some spice in your sex life!together.surprises.dares.show her how much you adore her.feel that deep love and connection with that beautiful person who opened herself completely JUST for you and gives herself unconditionaly JUST for you.Do you want her to be naughty?tell her!every female likes to be a litle(or more) naughty!they love to seduce.let her seduce you.play games with her.bring alive chemistry that joined you together.maybe it sounds dificult but avtualy it is not.You both just have to be open to it.And ask yourself is it 'all' that what you desire worth of posibility of losing your LIFE partner?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): A threesome = cheating if you're girlfriend is opposed to it. Trust me I've been both the 3rd person and had a threesome with one of my exes. When I was the the third person the couple invited into their threesome because I was really close to both of them. While it started off as a bit of fooling around it led my best friend to distance themself from me in order to try and slavage their relationship, but they broke up recently citing our time together as the reason.
This was even though both of them wanted it at the time.
When I and an ex brought in one of her friends, it was a case of my girlfriend letting me fulfill a fantasy, but it ruined our relationship because she was hurt and felt she was not enough for me, couldn't believe I would want or sleep with someone else, even though she agreed to it, she felt utterly betrayed.
FYI: A threesome isn't as much fun as you think, it's a balancing act of sexual politics, well it was for me both times. It looks good in porn but it's like walking on eggshells in real life, you constantly have to be aware of the needs of both people and their wants, what is acceptable to them, what is not and how much time you spend on one person can really put the other off.
Get all these notions of a threesome out of your head, because to your girlfriend even mentioning it makes it seem like she might not be enough for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 YOu weight out what you gain with what you loose. Which one do you want the most? Then once you have made your decision you must stick to it.
Hardly anyone get to do everything they want. For many reasons. We must find ways to deal with our cravings either out of respect for others or because it simply isn't good for us. You must decide what is good for you! Is it having a threesome, or is it having your girlfriend that you love?
The only way I know to get over an urge to want to do something is by not thinking so much about it, avoiding it, and occupying yourself with other things. And little by little the urge should go away. If it doesn't, and you truly want to have a threesome in life, then that is more important to you than your girl.
It is all about choices.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): Can I ask...is the sex good in your relationship at the moment? Or has is fizzled a little? It all depends on whether or not you feel you have a compulsion for porn, or if it has aroused because you are not satisifed.
If you really love your girlfriend then maybe there is a way to strengthen your bond together so that you don't feel like you want another girl. Maybe you could try a tantric workshop? I am not sure that it is something your girl would go for, but I am sure she would be releaved to her about it after the mention of threesomes.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Its called self control and doing the right thing.
Just because you have the urge, does not mean you HAVE to get your own way. It seems to be the thing now that whatever people think up in their minds, that they can have that thing...no matter how destructive and sordid it is.
If you cannot control yourself then I suggest you stay off of the internet...it is without a doubt the most influential and biggest reason that relationships are destroyed today. Millions of decent loving relationships have ended as a result of cheating or sordid behaviour over the net.
You know your not going to resist...any person in their right mind would not wreck a perfectly good relationship...but you are almost asking here for your action to be condoned or justified.
Before you do embark down the path to ruin...I also suggest you be honest and let your girlfriend go. She wants no part of it and I don't blame her...why would anyone knowingly be dragged into a sordid hell when they are so against it. Let her go and be with someone who doesnt put their own ridiculous and destructive needs before their love for her.
If you want to stop...again it's nobody's responsibility but your own and you need to exercise SELF CONTROL and get a grip.
I hope you figure it out.
AE x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): First let me applaud you for trying to put your girlfriend before your own wants. That is very difficult but noble!
I think in any relationship there has to be compromise. Sit down and have a serious discussion with her and have her actually list out all the things she'd be open to doing and all the things she'd be willing to try with the option to decline if she ever finds it doesn't suit her. Best if one of you writes it down. Then you can go through her "menu" per se and determine what may be possible.
Maybe she doesn't like the idea of you looking at porn, wanting a threesome, and chatting because those all have to do with you desiring another woman? Perhaps the solution then is to find a way to make it about you and her and no one else. Consider asking her if she'd be open to making porn with you. No one else! Just you and her and a camera. Make it about how much you worship her body (because you do!) and about how much you'd love to be able to see her captured in a moment. Explain how visual men are and how she would be helping you to overcome your addiction to look at other women. She might find that she enjoys it and feels very cherished by how into her you really are!
As for the threesome idea... perhaps a doll or a toy that your girlfriend can use with/on you? I think if it just gives you the sensation of taboo and new and exciting that you would likely find yourself content.
The first step though is talking with her about her comfort zones and what she is willing to do to help maintain your relationship. If she is very conservative and refuses to compromise then you have to decide if you want to quit cold turkey (which I've found hardly ever works in these situations), lie to her (really don't suggest this!), or leave her.
...............................
|
