A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My wife was snooping through some of my personal belongings and found a picture of my exgirlfriend and an old letter that she had sent me. She asked me why I had kept those two things and I told her quite honestly that I didn't even know I still had them. They were stuffed away in an old cigar box where I had some collectible basedball cards. In the letter my exgirlfriend said that we were perfect together and that she could not imagine life without me. There was also mention that she liked the way I gave her oral sex. Yeah it wasn't pretty at all when my wife found this. Now my wife is upset because I hardly ever give her oral sex. I told her the simple reason is because she nevers give me any oral sex either. Well as can be imagined it has not been pretty between the two of us. She's mad at me and I'm mad at her. I think she should apologise for going through my belongings and that she should get over that there was someone else before her. She knew that on the first few times we went out together. So what I want to know is this. Isn't she completely over the line here?
View related questions:
my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura Lanre  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 She isn't completely over the line. I guess you've been married for many years, there isnt really anything big you should be hiding each other. I know everyone has one or two secretes or things they keep to themselves. I think you both need to apologise and talk over it and get more intimate with each other. I think you should get rid of it and assure her you love her and that was a long time ago before you were. and she needs to get a grip with that. I hope this has helped you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 Whether it is right or wrong , it is her business. She is your partner for life and you should not have secrets from one another.
What you fantasize or think in your heart is entirely yours but what you do is different.
If your partner hides things from you or tell you that what she does is none of your business.How would you feel?
Right or wrong? There are always two sides of a coin. To a man certain activities are not wrong when they live as a single man but when they live as a couple, they should avoid those contentious issues or seek a compromise
They are no more living alone and have to adept to living together with their mate.
What is meat to one person is poison to another.
...............................
A
female
reader, naughty girl +, writes (3 April 2010):
You should have gotten rid of letter and photo when relationship finished. If it going to upset present relationship rip them up and give bits to your wife for her to dispose of. This will not be difficult to do. Also, start giving wife oral sex but make sure she understands it is a two way thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 I don't agree that everything you do, think or feel are her business. If you're doing something wrong, it's her business. If you have dirty thoughts about the woman in the next office, that's your mental treat. Of course you can't act on them of live it in any way. At the same time she is entitled to the same thoughts. Her state of mind is related to her level of security and self image. You have a role in that since you're her husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (3 April 2010):
When you marry, the two of you become one. It means that the other one is privy to everything that goes on in your life.
Your body, your secrets and your everything belongs to her too . She has half the share in your things through the marriage.
It is like you are the right hand and she is the left hand and surely the right hand cannot do anything without the left hand knowing.
Your spouse has a right to look at your phone, your e-mails, your wallet and your everything. You grant her that right when you married her.
There is no such thing as your personal territory which is out of bounds to her in a marriage.
She is not out of line according to my definitions of marriage.
You may think it is nothing about keeping the ex's photo or letters but she is a woman and she has a different perspective.
If you think it is nothing, just trash it to preserve the peace in the home and start giving her orals.
...............................
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (3 April 2010):
 Firstly, this is all a little bit immature. I mean, how important is oral sex in the grand scheme of a relationship? It's fair that you don't go down on her if she doesn't on you. My boyfriend and I are in the same situation, but it doesn't bother us.
Secondly, it isn't all that easy to trust someone 100%. And you haven't even said why your wife was going through your stuff. She might have been looking for something else completely innocently. Anyway, I wouldn't be overly offended if my boyfriend going through my stuff unless I had something to hide. I'd be a little upset but if I had nothing to hide then I know he'd trust me =]
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 April 2010):
 All women snoop to a certain degree...its what woman do because they have these stupid insecurities at times. To you, keeping the letter didn't mean anything...to her, it's upsetting and not right. Two different viewpoints.
Talk to her and let her know your annoyed that she went through your stuff, but also try to reassure her that the letter means nothing (you may have to trash it to prove a point), If you don't then the argument is going to go on and on...
I am sure things will settle down if you handle it sensitively, maybe put yourself in her position and ask yourself how you'd feel if you found such an explicit letter from one of her past lovers???...It cuts both ways!!
If you insist on keeping stuff from the past, then your gonna have to find a better hiding place.
Good luck
Aunty Em xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): no she isnt completely over the line at all. If i found something like that in my husbands belongings i would so much worse, you should put your self in her situation. Imagine you found a letter from her ex saying all those stuff im sure you would behave the same way if not worse
...............................
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (3 April 2010):
 set her down. take off her pants and give her oral sex. problem solved.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): I wouldn't say that she is COMPLETELY over the line. I would be upset too if I found that! It will take a while for the shock and surprise to dissipate and you just need to reassure her that she is the one that you love and want to be with, not some ex. Maybe she shouldn't have gone through your things, but you are married. I don't know that either of you are completely wrong here, I don't think you are. Just be calm and talk about it. Let it cool down.
...............................
|
