A
female
age
41-50,
*lavor_2000_99
writes:I ended a relationship a few weeks ago due 2 an abusive incident. My ex and I argued over the dumbest thing and he chose to choke, hit, and yell at me. I left him a week later with no warning or calls; just disappeared. I know leaving like that is wrong but I was still extremely angry for what he'd done. He recently called for closure and I agreed to meet him. What I thought would be a great conversation led to him telling me: how much of a slut I am, how I sleep around, how his friends and family made fun of him for even being with me...so on. I told him that I felt like he was insulting me as opposed to talking but he insisted that "we're just talking" I got upset and stormed out because to me that is not talking its just listening to someone insult me. what I dont understand is why he even called to begin with just so he could insult me? I loved this man more than my own life but he refuses to see his mistakes and his wrong?? Am I wrong for any of the things I have done by leaving with no explanation?? I dont want to believe him but he made me feel bad when he said he was ashamed to be seen with me!! help i need words of wisdom
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Whooo Hoooo!!!!
You go girl!!!!
Your doing the safest and best thing for you...well done and don't be weak now!!!
Hugs
Aunty Em xxx
A
female
reader, flavor_2000_99 +, writes (24 March 2010):
flavor_2000_99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn all honesty I didn't think what he did was right. I no I didn't deserv this I think I needed reasurence that I was right. 4 all the words of wisdom I thank each 1 of u, evry single word I have taken 2 heart & has made me feel stronger/better. Thank you again and I will nvr speak 2 him agin
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 March 2010):
 It's ironic that you say you love him more than your own life because that's exactly what you'll be risking if you come within ten feet of this guy.
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A
female
reader, Gasolina  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 I agree with everything said so far, and just pray that you will listen. Good for you for having the brains, and the guts, to get yourself out of an abusive relationship. Keep up the good work. Don't look back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2010):
 You know who you are. He obviously don't. After someone abused you, you don't EVER owe them anything, not an explanation, not a darn thing.
Be PROUD that you walked away from this while you are still alive. While your soul is fairly intact.
I suggest STRONGLY that you cut ALL contact with this man from now on. There is nothing good coming from him or from contact with him.
A lot of abused women end up staying in these relationships because they think they don't deserve better, they actually believe their abusers words. Think about it. When he wanted to talk to you he really didn't care what YOU had to say. He was most likely FURIOUS that you had had enough spine to walk away, so of course he does the only thing he know how to do, he ABUSED you some more, this time only mentally and verbally.
Understand that his opinion and words means nothing.
And you didn't "just" leave him with no explanation.... Only an idiot would think choking someone wasn't a good enough reason to get the heck out of Dodge.
YOU DID GOOD walking away.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 March 2010):
 It really all has been said here. I'm only chiming in to make a tiny point for others who may feel trapped in an abusive relationship. Flavor said that she knew it was wrong to leave a relationship the way she did. After he hit her and choked her she left quietly without an opportunity for another conflict. This was actually very smart. She put physical safety before emotional considerations. She did this our of anger rather than fear, but the end result was that she got out and kept her stuff without getting beaten. Flavor, you really should not have gone to the closure interview alone. You should have had a strong person in sight the whole time.
Safety of children first, your own physical safety next, matters of courtesy can fall anywhere after this.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Please stay away from this person.He is very disturbed and very dangerous. he could ned up killimg you. if you think anything of yourself - you will never see him again. Please save yourself. Nxxx
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Hello. If he became that nasty over an arguement about something dumb, i can only imagine how much worse it would have been, had it been a row over something really serious. You werent wrong for leaving as you did and he should be grateful you even wanted to talk to him afterwards! He had quite a nerve to think he could choke, hit and yell at you and then expect closure from you. I wouldnt have talked to him, unless it had been through a lawyer.
Theres a very nasty side to him, so you shouldnt be suprised that he was abusive when he met you to talk. He got his "closure" by being abusive again. Im sure his words were well thought out and intended to wound...as they clearly did.
Just be glad you had the good sense to leave and dont give him any more chances to discuss things. Try and put his words behind you now and start moving on x
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Well done for getting out of an abusive relationship!! The only reason he wanted to see you was to brow-beat you into coming back to him. To emotionally batter you so that you believe that you are worthless and deserve all the bad treatment.
Do not have any contact with this man, he doesnt want 'closure' he wants to abuse you because it makes him feel powerful. Remember no matter what he said, he is the one with the problem - not you!
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 March 2010):
If I was there I would shake you hard and say 'WAKE UP AND SMELL THE GODDAM COFFEE WOMAN'
You must love being in love with abusive psychopaths is all I can think of.
HE CHOKED YOU??? AND HIT YOU???...and you think this is OK??? Are you crazy???
He won't EVER see his mistakes because the guy needs serious psychological therapy.Normal men DO NOT hit and abuse women.
You are trying to apply the rules of a normal loving relationship onto an abusive and abnormal 'relationship' and I am telling you...You're wasting your time.
WHY would you even care if he was ashamed to be seen with you??...Do you enjoy being seen dating abnormal abusive men who hit you and put you down??
If you do then I would say that you need counselling and therapy also for low self esteem.
...and before you tell me he has an adorable side, I can tell you that his behaviour is weird and dangerous and negates any redeeming qualities.
You have the perfect opportunity to move on with your life now and find someone who can give you a normal safe loving caring relationship...I'd take it if I were you.
If you let him back into your life, believe me you could end up dead!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 March 2010):
Thank God you dumped him. There are my words of wisdom.
This is a man who physically and emotionally abused you. He probably did call you so he could have a major go at you. But seriously don't listen to him. He's clearly for serious issues. You can do a lot better than him.
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