A
male
age
41-50,
*hakespeare1978
writes:Question: Should I try, or just let go?Seven years ago, I met two wonderful girls here in China where I teach English. Through the course of time, I married one, and have stayed friends with the other. Our marriage took us back to America where we ultimately divorced.I've always been friends with the second girl. There was a period of attraction seven years ago, but while I was married, there were no straying thoughts. When the divorce was settled on, and I had made the decision to return to China, my friend and I started talking more and more. When I arrived in China, we hung out for a month, and then dated for three weeks.My insecurities with myself ultimately stood in the way of our relationship then, and we broke up, but stayed very close friends. On Christmas, we decided to try dating again. We dated for three months, but she wouldn't kiss me, and we have never slept together. I've wanted to, but I feel she couldn't see past friendship.A month ago, she got drunk and was heavily petting another guy in front of twenty of my friends, and then took a different guy home with her. She swears she didn't have sex with him, but it was still enough to make me break up with her.It took me a week to forgive her, and we are now talking daily, and once a week we get together to watch movies at her house. She still hugs me, and she knows I still love her.I've tried during this month to go out with other girls. I've tried to move on, but I love this girl with all my heart. It's my greatest wish to be with her. She treats me nicer now than when we were together: talking to me frequently online, and showing interest in my life.All my friends are happy that I broke up with her because they say she never really cared about me. I love her like I've never loved anyone else. Ever. Is it wrong for me to want to get back together with her? Should I force myself to sever all ties with her and move on? I plan to live in China for a very long time, and she's a major part of my social circle. Not seeing her means not hanging out with my friends; but every time I talk to her and see her, I am more in love with her.We've made a secret pact like you see on the movies: if, in one year, I am not dating someone, and she is not dating someone, we will date each other again. I am happy to wait a year out if it means I will be with her.Sometimes I feel I am going insane. I want to be with her so badly despite my own faculties of reason! But at the same time, I don't want to imprison her. I want her to choose me of her own will, and give me smiles, and show true love and affection for me. I can offer her the world, I can give her everything she wants, but I don't want that to be the reason she's with me.What should I do???? I love this girl in a way I've only dreamed about since childhood, and I'm not prepared to move on.Help, Please!!!!Thank you.
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female
reader, NurseAtLarg44  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 I would follow my heart. I went against mine and it hurts 13 years after a divorce. We just never got back on the same page. I would wait a year and continue to try to date other ppl. If you are GREAT friends, stay with her and be patient. Enjoy the times you share and don't let your romantic thoughts intrude. Take YOUR TIME!! A lifetime is worth waiting for. Calling it quits would hurt too much!! Best of wishes.........still single but ready to move on here and enter a relationship slowly once I get back to nursing. Someone in a new location since i've been here for 13 years and haven't dated much. I'm at the point if it happens it happens and I can settle just about anywhere out of the snow. Back to you.........hang in there; you're doing GREAT!!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 April 2010):
 Have you asked her outright why she doesn't seem to want to get back with you?...maybe she is scared because you broke up before and that can really change a persons mind. Im so sorry your in this predicament, but as with all cases of unrequieted love, the sadness won't ever stop until you walk away.
Truly I feel for you as I have been in this situation myself.
I hope you find a way through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): Oh god! Beware Chinese girls. Many that like foreigners are just in it for a bit of fun. I have my own horror story starting to unfold. Mine blows hot and cold unfortunately.I don't know how much to trust her, she's broken that trust big time and I'm wavering between break up, trying to keep it together and looking past 1 incident, or just keeping her around until I find better. Obviously I'm only really interested in the second option - trying to still be serious with her.Anyway, good luck mate and keep your eyes open!
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