A
female
age
,
*aychelle
writes:I am a single divorced woman over the age of 50. I am happy to have found a wonderful man who is also divorced. We have being seeing each other for almost a year now. I love him, and he has told me that he loves me also. My problem is that he does not make enough time for me/us. He has a stressful job (but so do I as a teacher) but I acknowledge that I have more free time than he does. Am I correct to feel that if he really really loved me then he would want to be with me even when he is tired or stressed? I feel that way about him and I have joked and said well I can come over your place if you are too tired to drive and he has only taken me up on it once. The last two times I offered he said "I will take a raincheck" I decided that I am never going to put myself out there again and pretty much I am considering ending the relationship. Should I just come out and give him an ultimatum or continue to be patient? This is also an interracial relationship (he's white, I'm black)if that matters.
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female
reader, raychelle +, writes (3 April 2010):
raychelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, they were very helpful. I have to face the facts however that while he may indeed love me I don't see evidence that he is in love like I am. Maybe I am juvenile but I feel that if you really love someone you want to spend time with them and not just to be intimate.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 The very second you have to force 'anything' in a relationship, is the second you need to go 'WHOAA...what am I doing'??
He obviously likes you and spends time with you when he is feeling good and not tired. So using the 'If he loved me' is, to be honest, a little controlling and manipulative.
He works long hours and folk do get tired and need space and time to recover. Give him the space, don't make empty threats to end the relationship and DO NOT use the 'If you loved me...you would'...
Believe me, he will say 'Bubbye!!' if you continue to pressure him.
Truly if you really loved him, you would understand the situation better and feel more secure!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2010):
I think you need to tell him how you feel before you give the ultimatum, to see if he can change. Explain you are feeling neglected and that he doesn't spend enough time with you. See how he responds. If nothing changes after that, give the ultimatum.
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