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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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FWB moved on to a relationship, but came back and cheated with me
Q. Ok, i'm going to try and make this as short as posible. A had a FWB/buddy, this ended and he now is with somebody. This is the bad part, we had sex a couple on months ago, so basicaly he cheated. Since then i've tried distancing myself from him, he ...
A. 3 October 2010: I think your in denial, if you didnt have feelings, you wouldn't care what he did. Even if he's a friend, he doesn't owe you anything. Anyone will tell you, once you had sex with someone, it changes a friendship.... (read in full...)
I think I would be better off on my own
Q. i was married for 29yrs my partner left me i then met my current partner within a few months. he is very controlling i have been with him for over ten years but it is very difficult . he is verbally abusive and very aggressive and in the past has ...
A. 2 October 2010: I left an abusive husband after 18 years. I now live by myself in my own cosy little home with the kids popping in and staying over and the company of a rather lovely cat!!
It was hard to sort out, but not impossible and you have no idea how blis... (read in full...)
She dumped me because I failed to make plans for the future
Q. My girlfriend of 3 years has just dumped me. I'm 34 and she is 28. I cheated on her once, and it came out at the start of the year. I had also failed to make any concrete plans to move in (start living) with her, or mention marriage / kids. She was ...
A. 2 October 2010: Sometimes you have to lose whats most important to you to realise how much it means. She must love you very very much if she forgave your cheating (I hope you never do it again). She sounds like a keeper and you may only have one shot at getting ... (read in full...)
FWB moved on to a relationship, but came back and cheated with me
Q. Ok, i'm going to try and make this as short as posible. A had a FWB/buddy, this ended and he now is with somebody. This is the bad part, we had sex a couple on months ago, so basicaly he cheated. Since then i've tried distancing myself from him, he ...
A. 2 October 2010: Why are you so indignant that he cheated on his girlfriend?, if your the one he had sex with?...it doesnt make sense. I think you have feelings for him and your a little jealous that he has a girlfriend. By cutting off the FWB your hoping he comes ... (read in full...)
I am not in love with my pregnant girlfriend
Q. my girlfriend is pregnant with my baby but im not n love with her but i really wana be there for my baby wat should i do im thinkn of breakn up with her but don't know how or when. plus she's kind of depending on me rite now as far as finance goes. ...
A. 2 October 2010: Even if you are not in love with the mother you are indeed going to be a father and that is your responsibility to meet 100%. You sound as if you want to wiggle out of paying child support and you really need to imagine what life is going to be like ... (read in full...)
Spousal Verbal Abuse?
Q. What is the advise out there to a woman who is married to a verbally abusive man? When anything goes wrong (flat tire, freezer not working, sports team lost?) it's because I'm a f-ing bitch. He shouts it over and over at me in front of our ...
A. 29 September 2010: First of all well done for getting how you feel 'out there'. Its the first step to realising that life really matters, happiness really matters and that absolutely NOBODY has the God given right to treat you like s*it!!
There are probably a millio... (read in full...)
Gay guy with a crush on a confused guy
Q. Ok, I know... I am CREEP I'm a WEIRD-Oooo I don't belong here. I am 49 years old now, and I grew up on a Mission Field. I a 'missionary kid' but I'm a gay, male and I have a crush on a married male who is confused, I'd say, about their ...
A. 16 September 2010: 'I want' 'I want' 'I want'
You have the potential to cause pain and suffering and tormenting confusion with your 'I want'
By your words you seem delusional and in a state of extreme confusion over yourself, your faith, your sexuality, your ... (read in full...)
Help! No longer sexually attracted to my chubby wife...
Q. So we all know that men are visual creatures. My problem is that I am just not that attracted to my wife anymore. We have been married 15 years. She is a pretty woman, but has slowly gained weight. She is maybe 40-50 lbs overweight, and weighs ...
A. 10 September 2010: I think you should leave your wife and find someone who you do want to have sex with. It seems you will anyhow so why look here for condonement?
Your wife will do much better without you and it's a fact that most women gain weight when they are... (read in full...)
After Almost 3 Months Should I Worry That He is Losing Interest?
Q. Background:I met him in mid June,he asked for my number and he called every day since he received my number, then we had our first date in mid July. We have seen each other about 10 times since then, and now the phone calls have gone from daily to ...
A. 10 September 2010: Sadly it does sound like he has lost some degree of interest in you. It's hard to know the exact reason why he's gone off the boil but maybe someone else has come back on the scene or perhaps it just took him a little while to realise you and he ... (read in full...)
My old FWB has a girlfriend but wants to mess with me again!
Q. My ex "friends with benefits" has a new gf, well i say new, he's been with her nearly a year. He's always been a flirt, but lately he's been talking about what we used to do together in bed and did thinking about it turn me on. I'm pretty ...
A. 10 September 2010: He sounds like a controlling creep. Is this really enhancing your life and making you happy?
Tell him to get lost and move on before things get weird!!... (read in full...)
My 14 year old daughter is having sex with a 19 year old. How to handle this?
Q. i walked into my 14 year old step daughters room and found her having sex with her boyfriend who i later found out is 19 the age gap is really worryin me i dont think 14 year old girls would went to have sex do u think he couldve made her do it or ...
A. 9 September 2010: He is breaking the law, you need to let your daughter know that you need to contact the police. It may seem heavy handed but the man needs to recieve a warning that he could go to prison.
Your daughter may be upset and angry at you, but you have... (read in full...)
I'm afraid i'll start messing around behind his back again! should I walk away from our marriage?
Q. Help....so confused iv been with my husband 24 years married 19 years two beautiful grow up children, over the past 10 years iv felt neglected unwanted unloved,i felt so low lack of confidence i started having affairs,i hate myself and feel discusse...
A. 8 September 2010: In my opinion, someone who has serial cheated, will always be tempted to do so. You need to let your husband go, despite how much you love him. You do not love him enough to be sure you will be faithful. Maybe you are hanging on for security rather ... (read in full...)
It was all a game and I fell for it?
Q. I cant talk to friends or family about this or i will never live it down. Just a little background. I am 44 single mom of 2 kids, when they were younger i got burned bad in a relationship and vowed to wait until they were out of the house to avoid ...
A. 6 September 2010: ...oh and used to be a stripper!!!...check!!!
(I forgot that little gem)
RUN!!!!!!... (read in full...)
Separated wife is now dating a woman???
Q. Me and my wife split up recently and now i hear she is dating a women. she has two bi siblings and has always talked down about them and said she could never be with another women. she does suffer from depression. she is 37 years old and has never ...
A. 6 September 2010: It's possible she could have always been bisexual but was maybe in denial...people can keep secrets for years because they fear ridicule or losing their security...we live in a very homophopic society so being in denial is very common.
Whate... (read in full...)
It was all a game and I fell for it?
Q. I cant talk to friends or family about this or i will never live it down. Just a little background. I am 44 single mom of 2 kids, when they were younger i got burned bad in a relationship and vowed to wait until they were out of the house to avoid ...
A. 6 September 2010: Ok so your 44 and your looking to date...
You've been in a bad relationship and now the kids are off hand you wanna find Mr Right...check!
Seriously what were you thinking??
34 year old...check!
works in Mc Donalds...check!
Has loads ... (read in full...)
Help me keep my sanity! I am still in love with my ex and can't stop thinking about him
Q. Dear xxx, I have a problem and i hope you can help me. I am still in love with my ex, but it is not as simple as you think. I just cant stop thinking about him. I hope you have time to read the long story below. If not, please give me tips and...
A. 3 September 2010: Hey there,
I read your story. It seems to me that you are building this relationship into something it never was. The guy had a girlfriend all along. You warned him off right at the start and he responded by just being a friend. Ok so he jerked y... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable to expect my ex to do more?
Q. Hello Aunts I would love as many unbiased views as possible please as Im am trying be remain fair but also not wear myself out completely. I am a single mother of 2 children 15 and 12 who up till now have seen their dad every other weekend, j...
A. 2 September 2010: I fail to see why a newborn in the house means he can do less driving. More like, he has less time to spend with his older kids now he has another newly made family so he's putting the screws on you!!
You can either insist he keeps his half of ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 11 years pregnant but now I've found the girl of my dreams
Q. 11 years I've been with my girlfriend, didn't marry since I always suspected I'd find someone else, someone I knew the moment I lay eyes on her.. it came about 5 months ago, both the knowledge of a baby girl and love of my life started working ...
A. 1 September 2010: You seriously need to step up to the plate and be a man!!
Your girlfriend loves you and you have a child about to be born!! That is real and what life is about!!...
You can jump ship but I am telling you, if the 'new girl' is any kind of a re... (read in full...)
Both married, does she want more than what we already have?
Q. Okay to start off I don't give a crap about the morals involved that is not what I'm asking so just keep those comments to yourself. Who I want to hear from is women who are in love with a married coworker (male). Or if your just in love with a ...
A. 1 September 2010: You need to decide exactly what you want from this relationship before you proceed. Sex?, a loving relationship?, divorce and the unknown?
There are no guarantees that anything will go the way you want, especially since you don't even know whe... (read in full...)
I love him but he went and got married
Q. My, guy who i was with 15 years got married on me 3 weeks ago, HE CLAIM HE F UP, i stiil seeing him just like we are still together, but he go home every night to his wife, what should i do?, i still love him much. i truly beleive he is my soulmate ...
A. 1 September 2010: If he was your soul mate, he would have married you. Its time to get real and move on.... (read in full...)
Want to be on time for our flight
Q. My girlfriend and I have a 2 year old son and we do not live together. We are leaving for vacation in 2 days and I mentioned to her that I would like to leave for the airport at 2:30 so that we are not rushing, and that I will wait until 2:45 and ...
A. 1 September 2010: Have her stay at yours the night before you leave. Help her as much as you can to be prepared to leave early, like helping with her child or packing or whatever she needs. Try to be supportive rather than giving her an ultimatum. Your creating ... (read in full...)
Do I sit and hope? or accept and forget?
Q. I sure need some help here guys. My boyfriend of 4 years has broken up with me. i did something a bit underhand and sneaky and i used his 16 year old daughter to get some info out of her. i onlt did it cos hes not very talkative and im extreamly ...
A. 29 August 2010: I think writing a letter is an excellent idea...and then you need to just wait and see. Don't hassle him or be pushy. The ball is in his court and your going to have to respect how he plays it. ... (read in full...)
Is this appropriate in a business situation?
Q. i found an email on my partners phone from a female business acquaintance that he had met at a seminar the previous evening he told her that she was a nice person and they would catch up soon is this an appropriate in a business situation...
A. 29 August 2010: Yes its appropriate.... (read in full...)
He's still very friendly with his ex wife and it upsets me
Q. We've been friends for a year and start a really good relationship. My boyfriend confides me about his ex wife whom they shared almost 16 yrs. Its been 6 yrs since they got divorced, the ex wife left him without any reasons and anytime he wants ...
A. 29 August 2010: It seems he is still very much attached to his wife and loves her in some way. There is nothing wrong with staying friends with the ex but he has to understand that the bond with the ex is going to annoy and hurt you or any other woman he dates. You ... (read in full...)
Separated from my wife -- and enjoying it
Q. My wife and I are separated. I wanted the separation. We both were at fault, but among other things, she was unfaithful. We are going to a marriage counselor. I thought I wouldn't enjoy this time apart from my wife whom I love, but I do. This h...
A. 27 August 2010: Even though your having marriage guidance, it doesnt mean you shouldn't be getting on with your own life while it's going on...not necessarilly getting into another relationship because that kind of negates and makes a mockery of the marriage ... (read in full...)
Help! My boyfriend just threw and broke my chair! what should I do?
Q. My bf and I don’t live together but he comes to visit. We have been together over a year. He just came by and we were talking and my daughter called him stupid joking around and tapped his shoulder. He freaked out and was like do something about ...
A. 27 August 2010: ''He said I should know he has a bad temper and he just reacts that way.''
Yep he has a bad temper but it does not give him an excuse to get violent. He broke your chair...blamed it on his temper, he shoved your shoulder...blamed it on his temp... (read in full...)
We had an affair, left our marriages, but now she is considering going back to her husband!
Q. A bit of a long story but the background is important. I was a happily married man (so I thought) until I met somebody else last year. She was also happily married (her words). Anyway, we had an affair and tried to end it by walking away but we ...
A. 27 August 2010: Arrrgggghhhh!!!
You got 2 choices...
wait like a love sick puppy hoping that she will choose you, (for how long remains a mystery). With regard to how she's behaving, you can't do anything to influence her decision.
or...
accept it wa... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much, too soon?
Q. Am I expecting too much too soon?? I just met this guy less than a month ago....when he first got my number he texted me non stop....that night we hung out for a couple hours....the next morning he sent me a text saying good morning honey an...
A. 24 August 2010: Ummm, I am not surprised he hasn't been in touch. You've only known the guy a month and your massively over thinking the situation and getting yourself all screwed up over nothing.
Here's the news! No guy wants you telling him what to do. Because ... (read in full...)
My husband is destroying my possesions out of anger
Q. I am very troubled, Over the last five years I have found my clothes and other possesions either slashed or damaged. They were fine when I hung them up or used them last. I belive it to be my husband who is wrongly angry with me as he believes I ...
A. 23 August 2010: Either seek medical help for him or go to the police. It's very disturbing behaviour indeed and a form of control. If your husband cannot talk to you openly about his fears but takes revenge in other ways then he definitely needs help.
His b... (read in full...)
Will it ever be more than just sex?
Q. I've been in an unhappy marriage for 20 years. Have 5 kids so it isn't easy to leave. I had been starting to seriously think about divorcing while I am still relatively young and could find true love/happiness when something happened that made ...
A. 23 August 2010: Yup well isn't life tough!!
Welcome to the world of extra marital affairs and men just using you for sex!!...it's a real bitch!!
The first thing you need to do is remove the rose tinted spectacles your wearing. However you imagine this rel... (read in full...)
I have a girlfriend but miss the sex with my older woman...
Q. I am a 32 year old male I have been with my partner for over 15 years, we have lived together for over 10 years and have 3 children. I had always considered our sex lives to be healthy until I met an older woman (11 years older) who is very sexual ...
A. 22 August 2010: You should leave your partner and kids and go with the older woman. Your a cheat and will always remain so, your partner deserves to be with someone who isn't lying to her and having sex 'twice a day'!! with someone else. I wonder how she would feel ... (read in full...)
Let me out of this pain...
Q. I am just tired of men and the whole dating sex game. I was with what I thought was a wonderful man for 4yrs and yeh he was using me and cheating and doing drugs and treated me terribly - I didnt let myself see it till near the end. Now I am mad...
A. 22 August 2010: It's always rough to see an ex move on before you do but seriously the guy doesn't have a great track record so what kind of relationship is it really going to be? Men tend to move on quicker because they are more reliant on sex. Women are more ... (read in full...)
The "exclusive" discussion caused a big rift. Should I wait it out?
Q. I went on holiday and then got into an argument by text with a guy I have been seeing for a month. He doesnt want to be exclusive and I was jealous of a girl he has been seeing ~(they are friends too, but occasionally get intimate). He texted m...
A. 22 August 2010: I don't think he is telling you he doesn't want exclusivity because he wants to date you as well as other people, I think he told you because he isn't that into you and was looking for a way to break things off with you. If he is already intimate ... (read in full...)
Sleeping with Married People
Q. I am lucky: I have it all. I am tall, rich, good looking, athletic, well-educated. I, however, have a problem: I am attracted to married women. I am only really turned-on by being with a friend's (or co-worker's) wife. I love conquering the ...
A. 21 August 2010: I would advise you to seek some professional advice from a psychotherapist. You have signs of narcisist disorder. The grandios opinion of yourself, the need to manipulate and control women in a danger zone, the lack of empathy for others feelings ... (read in full...)
How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 21 August 2010: I think you should tell him to get lost...that's what I think xxx... (read in full...)
How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 20 August 2010: Everything I said in my previous post, I stand by!! The advice people have given you is good advice, they have provided you with good reasoning to get away from this man because they can see it for what it is...it's a booty call!!
You cant get... (read in full...)
We're growing apart since the baby
Q. hi i have been with my partner for 15 months and i now feel we're growing apart, as hard as i try to pull us together she seems to want to spend more time away from me. This is the time i think i should mention she has postnatal depression and we h...
A. 18 August 2010: I meant tenacity, not tumerity...apologies.... (read in full...)
We're growing apart since the baby
Q. hi i have been with my partner for 15 months and i now feel we're growing apart, as hard as i try to pull us together she seems to want to spend more time away from me. This is the time i think i should mention she has postnatal depression and we h...
A. 18 August 2010: I applaud you for showing the tumerity to ask for advice for something so important. What is happening is completely normal and natural. Your partner is reacting to a life changing event and is under invisible and emotional pressure.
When a baby c... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this marriage? I'm sooooo bored now that the kids are up and away.
Q. i've been married for 28 years and now that the children are grown and gone i found myself to be living a sedentary and bored life with my wife. i'm tired of the monotony and routine and i want to get out of it because i no longer desire to continue ...
A. 17 August 2010: For whatever reason your wife is insecure and doesn't trust you. If your completely innocent and her fears are illogical and unfounded, then it's probably time to get a divorce.
If you have cheated on her in the past and have tried to reassure... (read in full...)
His reply was another bulk email -- what does it mean?
Q. I met my ex almost 4 years ago(we were friends at first ) Since back then I have randomly received emails(forwards) from him that were addressed to me and a ton of other girls. Back then ( in lust, naive and not thinking clearly and so very eager ...
A. 17 August 2010: 'Recently i feel like we started getting close, almost re getting to know each other through our phone conversations. of course he tried to flirt and tempt me to be ok with a "close friendship where we indulge in our carnal needs as well"
He wa... (read in full...)
Help me to see this for what it is...
Q. I fell in love with a man who treated me very good, and we were compatible in every way and got along so nicely. We were integrating friends and family nicely, making vacation plans, and moving to the "I love you" dialogue. When we were together, ...
A. 16 August 2010: WOW!!! He gets the prize don't he?...for being an absolute a**hole.
Darling he is using you for one thing...SEX!!. He is using the fact that you 'love' him and are needy of him to keep you dangling on that piece of string, so he can yank you back... (read in full...)
Desperate to get him back
Q. Many of my friends and family has told me to try and look at my breakup as a death. Which helped for a while. I am plagued by a lot of guilt and shame. My partner/boyfriend (we are at the beginning stage of our relationship and had asked him to ...
A. 15 August 2010: Was the chatting to other guys just innocent chit chat? or was it sexual?...If it was sexual then he was cheating in a sense. If it was just chit chat then he wasnt cheating.
He has reacted to your snooping either because he's guilty and didn't w... (read in full...)
How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 13 August 2010: I really feel for you...what a crappy thing to be going through. Heartaches and uncertainty are a one way trip to misery town and this 'man' is playing you like a slot machine.
Men, in general will tell you what you want to hear to get what the... (read in full...)
Help me to see this for what it is...
Q. I fell in love with a man who treated me very good, and we were compatible in every way and got along so nicely. We were integrating friends and family nicely, making vacation plans, and moving to the "I love you" dialogue. When we were together, ...
A. 16 July 2010: He was treating you well and now he isn't. Actions speak louder than words and his actions show he has gone off you!!
I know you feel hurt and upset but you need to get a grip. It's only been a couple of months that you were involved and even tho... (read in full...)
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