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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Mistreated by husband but haven't the strength to leave
Q. Can anyone help? I've been with my husband for 12 years, but for the last 5 years, I've been unhappy at home! He constantly critisises and belittles me, both at home and in front of friends, family and strangers! 3 years ago, during an extrem...
A. 9 July 2010: Well done darling, I am so happy that you have found the courage to act. Stay strong and never look back...x
AE x... (read in full...)
Help! Why did he break up with me and continue to see me?
Q. I am 40 and my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I love him and want him back. He is having financial problems and that is part of the reason he ended it. He is basically broke and he said he didn't have time to put in a relationship ...
A. 12 June 2010: If it's hurting you to see him...then don't see him. He has asked for time and space to deal with his problems. Men typically need to have that kind of request respected when they are trying to figure things out.
You should just try and get on w... (read in full...)
Please help - am confused my ex bf rang after 4 months!!
Q. *OP's Original Title* Hello all, I need to some help with understanding whether my ex-bf has any feelings left for me. I dearly still love him. He dumped me 4 months back when he decided suddenly that we aren't compatible since I have 'a deg...
A. 12 June 2010: Lord where do I begin on this.
I read what you wrote 3 times because I wanted to absorb all the sh*tty things this guy is doing to you. I also wanted to read between the lines of how your really thinking over this.
This guy has serious issues, ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a girlfriend so am I being stupid?
Q. I need help. I’m in process of separation and divorce and about two years ago I meat this guy at work –we start sleeping together .I’m very much in love with him ,he told me that he loves me too but dosen't want a girlfriend. There is big difference ...
A. 11 June 2010: I agree with YOUWISH...
He is seriously just using you for sex, all the signs are there. Refusing to see you for proper dates, not answering your texts and calls, seeing you at odd hours, not speaking openly about you both, telling you he doesn't ... (read in full...)
I am happiest when my husband isn't in the house!
Q. i am sick of my husband. i have been with him 7 years and we have 4 children and one on the way but i have had enough of him i am happiest when he is not in the house. we split up for a while last year and my friends said i seemed more relaxed ...
A. 11 June 2010: No I don't think your to blame and I don't think you are being unreasonable to want to leave.
Your husband is showing signs of stress, frustration, resentment and he is being manipulative and controlling. He obviously feels responsible for ever... (read in full...)
I feel I've lost control and he wants to make me feel badly about it!
Q. hi can anyone help i have been in a relationship for 7 weeks, we have had a few arguments, name calling etc, and we both decided we were being defensive and agreed to get on and be happy together. then last week it was my birthday he did not even ...
A. 8 June 2010: Seriously!!!... Do you really want someone like that for a partner???
Cruel, calls you names, charges you for petrol, forgets your birthday, says he's busy, controls you, doesn't text you, argues with you, shows off when he doesn't get his way,... (read in full...)
I've been left devasted after our break up while my ex is madly in love with his new girlfriend
Q. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel. My ex has a new girlfriend and he is declaring undying love for her on social networking sites (so I'm told) when throughout our relationship he told me he never loved me, even though he introduc...
A. 7 June 2010: That's a good girl!!! You can do it Good luck and God Bless you xxx... (read in full...)
I've been left devasted after our break up while my ex is madly in love with his new girlfriend
Q. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel. My ex has a new girlfriend and he is declaring undying love for her on social networking sites (so I'm told) when throughout our relationship he told me he never loved me, even though he introduc...
A. 6 June 2010: Darling you Do have closure, he has walked away and the only reason you didn't get an answer was because he's a selfish assh**e!! NOT YOUR FAULT...but also nothing you can do anything to change.
Don't beat yourself up because you have work to ... (read in full...)
Feeling stuck in long term relationship
Q. Hi Cupid I’ve been struggling with my situation for quite some time and have recently taken some time apart from my partner. We have been together for 3 years and live together – he is 30 and a chef, I am 28 and a professional social worker. I...
A. 6 June 2010: The only words of wisdom I have are...'you only get one life'
You already left him, there is no marriage to end and no kids...all you have to do now is keep on walking towards the rest of your life.... (read in full...)
I've been left devasted after our break up while my ex is madly in love with his new girlfriend
Q. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel. My ex has a new girlfriend and he is declaring undying love for her on social networking sites (so I'm told) when throughout our relationship he told me he never loved me, even though he introduc...
A. 6 June 2010: You've been suffering like this for 2 years??? You must feel absolutely dreadful!!!
Everyone faces rejection in love at one time or another. Some people brush it off and others let it drag them to hell and back.
I know your letting it wreck... (read in full...)
Mistreated by husband but haven't the strength to leave
Q. Can anyone help? I've been with my husband for 12 years, but for the last 5 years, I've been unhappy at home! He constantly critisises and belittles me, both at home and in front of friends, family and strangers! 3 years ago, during an extrem...
A. 6 June 2010: Right now you do have the strength...how do I know?...Because your questioning the relationship, weighing up the abuse your suffering against what may lie ahead if you leave him and your asking for help here.
You sound like you have reached ... (read in full...)
Is he connecting with me for a quickie?
Q. Sorry in advance if this is goes on abit! haha Well i'm in an online dating site and this one guy contacted me about 7 month ago just sent a hello then asked if i'm ever out (in the area we live) and i said i didn't go clubbing or anything he sent ...
A. 4 June 2010: He could possibly be married and just looking for a 'bit on the side'. I agree with the other aunts, you need to be sure you really want to meet him. Don't let him lead you into a sexual liason unless you know all about him and think he is suitable ... (read in full...)
Can I win him back by backing off??
Q. Been seeing a guy for 5 months, texted, emailed or msn'd most days, but only met 7 times... and each time had amazing sex. I thought he was a player... so set him up with a fake profile on internet dating site. He fell for it and arranged to meet...
A. 4 June 2010: I have to ask...Why would you want to continue to see someone who, firstly was just using you for sex, who arranged to meet someone else for sex (even though it was a set up). The fact you set him up in the first place must have meant you had ... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend had a pregnancy scare!
Q. Hi. Im so confused right now. Me and my boyfriend had a pregnancy scare. We bought a test and we were both really scared. I love my boyfriend and he loves me and we do want children when we're older but we agreed that having a child now wouldn't be ...
A. 4 June 2010: Maybe because you suddenly enjoyed seeing your boyfriends caring side and it made you feel sad.
Please don't have a baby so young, you have plenty of time in the future to live that experience. Enjoy being the age you are now and all the things y... (read in full...)
We are not married but she thinks she is entitled to half of everything, despite me already giving her a large sum of money!
Q. My girlfriend and I have recently split after a 10 year relationship. We were not married and have no children. Its clearly a very difficult time for both of us, and amongst everything else we are trying to come to some sort of financial settlement. ...
A. 4 June 2010: There is no common law wife status now in the UK. Apart from her half of the house and any possesions she has paid for, she isn't entitled to any of your wealth.
She has been given far more than she should have. You need to stop worrying about be... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go???? He says he loves me but is not in love with me
Q. if a man that you have been with for 3 years tells you he Loves you** but, not in Love with you. should i stay or should i go. a man takes his shower soap to work and then says he is washing up after working in a HOT department in the wareho...
A. 2 June 2010: If you would definitely leave him if he was cheating, then you owe it to yourself to find out if that is the case!!
Don't just take his word. His actions are suspicious and he has told you he's not in love with you. He may wish to have his cake... (read in full...)
My abandonment issues are ruining my new relastionship for me
Q. Hi Guys and Girls. I have recently started dating a really lovely, nice, handsome thoughgtful man who is treating me like a princess,and going out of his way to make me feel wanted and special, and doing eveything he can to make me feel good. He...
A. 2 June 2010: Your problem seems quite serious. I think you would benefit from seeing a cognitive behaviour therapist, to try and change some of your negative thinking and internal messages.
You also appear to not know exactly what it is you want from your lif... (read in full...)
Was there anyway I could have found out what this guy was like before I slept with him?
Q. Hi all, Sorry this is so long, I'm 42, and the bloke that has torn my confidence to shreds is 44. I have been single for a year now, i decided to have a complete break off blokes, which was going great, But then i met one that made my tummy fl...
A. 2 June 2010: The fact he had two (serious)ex partners both with kids was probably a bit of a flashing light and he came complete with a ready made sob story to pull you in. He obviously suffers with low self estemm because of his manhood (despite it wasn't a ... (read in full...)
Is he keeping me around until someone better comes along ?
Q. Have been with my guy for almost 3 yrs we broke up for 6 months and have been back together now fir 5 months . The problem I have is he keeps saying he isn't ready for a committed relationship he is trying to get to that point . We don't see other ...
A. 1 June 2010: Ask yourself what it is you want and what will make you happy...not to do with him...just you. What are you looking for, what are your dreams?
This man will never give you love and security. If he loved you he would tell you and not be playing ... (read in full...)
He went in debt and left me for a girl he met online
Q. I had a boyfriend for 7 yrs. We live separately. He lives about 5 mins away from me. We have a good relationship. He helps me and I help him. He is retired and am still working full-time. I later discovered that he gambles. At first I thought that ...
A. 23 May 2010: You did the right thing. He is a free loader, despite how much you love him. Better to get over loving someone than to be dragged down to the pits of a life in debt and despair. Let him be someone elses problem. If you stay with him, your blowing ... (read in full...)
Long-term marriage, troubled relationship, now what?
Q. Well, here's my question. Probably not the first time this type of question has come up. I am a 50 year old male, married with two grown children (one already married with 2 children already) and one daughter in high school. My wife (1 year old...
A. 19 May 2010: First let me say I sympathise with your situation. It's hard to stay commited to a long term marriage when it clearly isn't working anymore...and the fear of the unknown often stops people going through with a divorce.
There is no real right or... (read in full...)
I've been talking to my ex, only he's now married with 2 children! Do I end contact?
Q. my exboyfriend and i have been talking for about 3 months now after 7yrs. He is currently married with children. He says that he doesnt want our communication to end just because he is with someone else, saying he wants me to be his women for ...
A. 19 May 2010: I think you should stop. It just doesn't seem right as you still have feelings and that's going to make you do something you may regret.
He's married, you missed the boat...it's time to find someone single who you can build a proper relation... (read in full...)
Husband is about to cheat. Please help me make the right decision.
Q. Hi. I am married 13 years. I married my high school sweetheart. we have been together for 25 years. We have only had sex with each other. My husband recently turned 40 and feels he has missed out on something, specifically sex with other women. ...
A. 16 May 2010: From a womans point of view. Women are much more emotionally affected by sex. Allowing your husband to have sex with other women will be a disaster.
If you choose this path, you may regret it and there are no guarantees that this will cure you... (read in full...)
Have never loved my wife of 19 years, I want to leave
Q. I am 39 years old married to 39 year old wife for 19 years. We have been together since High School, we dated for four years before getting married. I don't know if I am having a "mid-life crisis" or what, but I have been unable to shake thoughts ...
A. 15 May 2010: Oh and I also wanted to add that it's weird how you have decided you don't love your wife now you have met someone else at work...Basically you have stayed in the marriage until a 'life raft' came along. No chance of you feeling lonely or abandoned ... (read in full...)
Have never loved my wife of 19 years, I want to leave
Q. I am 39 years old married to 39 year old wife for 19 years. We have been together since High School, we dated for four years before getting married. I don't know if I am having a "mid-life crisis" or what, but I have been unable to shake thoughts ...
A. 15 May 2010: If your not happy then leave...but the grass isn't always greener and you will have a lot of emotional and financial mess to sort out. If you think it's worth the risk and your missing out on something else then leave and reap it.... (read in full...)
Husband is about to cheat. Please help me make the right decision.
Q. Hi. I am married 13 years. I married my high school sweetheart. we have been together for 25 years. We have only had sex with each other. My husband recently turned 40 and feels he has missed out on something, specifically sex with other women. ...
A. 15 May 2010: Im not sure what decision you need help with...Whether to stay or go? whether to put up with his selfish behaviour? whether to confront him and let him know how much pain your having over this?
A man (or woman for that matter) does not have the... (read in full...)
Confused about this reconciliation we're going through after I found him on a dating website!
Q. I dated this guy for 2 months and he suddenly stopped communicated and I quickly discovered he was on a dating website. Things between him and I had been amazing and I really felt like we had something special and he was "the one". (I'm in my late ...
A. 14 May 2010: If you can get a reconciliation that goes from strength to strength then I would say 'good on you'. If he distances himself again after that and gives you the run around, then I would call it a day.
The other aunts are right, if you were the love... (read in full...)
I want to end this friends with benefits situation with my ex?? Suggestions?
Q. Hello, I've been in a physical relationship with my ex boyfriend for the past 3 months. Prior to this we had dated for almost a year, when I decided to break up with him. I did this because I felt my needs were not being met. He was thoughtf...
A. 14 May 2010: I agree with the other answers. Don't do this to yourself out of some idea that things will turn back into a relationship...they won't, and he is using you. I've been in this situation in the past, cut all contact and just say NO!!
Good luck
... (read in full...)
I havent heard from my boyfriend in a week, what should I do?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for a year, its been a haerd year and i really do love him!! i have 3 children the youngest being 13!! he has a daughter of 11, who visits him every other weekend. for the last year i have gone to flat every weekend ...
A. 12 May 2010: I agree with everyone else...he is letting you down and is indicating through his actions that he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Don't cling on just to have 'someone' in your life. Give yourself time to get over it and maybe speak to ... (read in full...)
I'm not used to these new feelings! Do I care, or am I playing it safe? Where is the passion?
Q. Hello all. I have very recently started dating a new man. I am a 41 year old female. For the whole of my adult life I've had 'high octane' dramatic relationships, full of love, pain, and wanting. I have realised I have become addicted to that...
A. 10 May 2010: Sorry to hear yoour struggling with this.
It's true that some women do get addicted to bad relationships and almost 'enjoy' being treated badly. It's to do with low self esteem and not believing that you deserve better. Don't you look around a... (read in full...)
He dumped me because another girls was cute and had good boobs!
Q. Hi Cupid My bf broke up with me yesterday, it hurts like hell. I just wanted to die. The reason for break up he said is he moved on and has met an younger girl (im older than him) who is cute and has good boobs. I cant believe the reason he told m...
A. 10 May 2010: Any man who dumps you for another woman and then asks you to be the 'other' woman is truly a jerk.
Don't fall for the 'staying friends' thing either, it's almost impossible when a relationship breaks down. He is actually being quite cruel and mean... (read in full...)
Should I say something about his browsing online dating sites?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for around 7 months. I have known from the start that he previously had social dating accounts - but has never met or hooked up with people or paid for subscriptions.. He likes to look at profiles, at what is out ...
A. 10 May 2010: Internet sites are addictive. He may be just browsing...that is until he sees someone he absolutely cannot resist!! Ive been through this and ended a two and a half year relationship because of it. If he's looking...he isn't commited. You need to ... (read in full...)
I have been a player all my life but this women brought me to my knees
Q. Ok I recently moved to Southern California my brother owns a business I started working for him and I met one of his employees...love at first site she was beautiful my kind of people and just really cool...but she had a boyfriend of 4 years...he ...
A. 10 May 2010: I cant understand why she is still with the lame guy and yet she wants to be with you? No wonder your going crazy. It probably wasn't a smart move to threaten that yoou would start dating other women again...sometimes you have to be the 'bigger man' ... (read in full...)
He dumped me because another girls was cute and had good boobs!
Q. Hi Cupid My bf broke up with me yesterday, it hurts like hell. I just wanted to die. The reason for break up he said is he moved on and has met an younger girl (im older than him) who is cute and has good boobs. I cant believe the reason he told m...
A. 10 May 2010: What can I say...Some men are shallow and I don't think you need to break your heart over him.
Don't let his distorted selfish ways make you feel bad about yourself. It's probably a lucky escape and if you continued with him...how are you ever goi... (read in full...)
He's sending explicit photos to me and wants the same back!
Q. This guy im talking keeps sending me non stop nude photos of him... they are veery explicit and wants the same from me. He sometimes begs for photos. I never have sent a picture but shouldi be worried? I have a feeling this guy is jut using me for ...
A. 10 May 2010: You don't feel right about this do you?...He's making you feel uncomfortable and you have doubts about him. All this is your inner self warning you. Huge great big warning signals that are telling you to get away.
If I were you...I'd run...hi... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife and never have been, very depressed
Q. I became an alcoholic and drug addict when I was 15 years old. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 14. I am now almost 33 years old. When we met, I was drunk and high everyday, and the relationship was for me simply a sexual relationship but she ...
A. 9 May 2010: Life isn't fair. There are no answers to you situation that will give you complete satisfaction.
Your choices in the cold light of day are:
Accept and grow to love what you have...best case scenario.
Tell your wife your marriage is over, g... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife and never have been, very depressed
Q. I became an alcoholic and drug addict when I was 15 years old. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 14. I am now almost 33 years old. When we met, I was drunk and high everyday, and the relationship was for me simply a sexual relationship but she ...
A. 4 May 2010: Oh so you want condonement for cheating?...You won't get it from me.
Im not sure why you asked for help here, you seem to have made up your mind. Perhaps your right, your poor darling wife deserves the love of a good man...it's a shame it can't be... (read in full...)
I still feel bonded to my ex
Q. Please help it's torturous.? I cant help it but keep thinking of a relationship that's already impossible. I cant stop thinking of my ex. It's torturous. I cant help it but i feel so much for him i feel so bonded. i am tired of having this influenc...
A. 3 May 2010: Its a painful thing and I dont think anyone would disagree.
The head says 'Let go' but the heart says 'NO'.
Constantly thinking of someone you know, isn't coming back, is pure torture and it will wear you down and down.
Take time to real... (read in full...)
Why is he pushing me away and why cant he just be there for me when I need him?
Q. Why is he pushing me away? I lost my husband a few months back. He suffered from bipolar disorder and took his life. I understand some people seem to think I need my space, but really I don't want space. I want comfort. About a year ago in the ...
A. 2 May 2010: I am really sorry to hear that your husband took his life, you must feel distressed over the loss and it's understandable that you seek comfort in your time of need. Your trying to plug the 'hole' in your life that your husband left.
This man whom... (read in full...)
Not in love with wife and never have been, very depressed
Q. I became an alcoholic and drug addict when I was 15 years old. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 14. I am now almost 33 years old. When we met, I was drunk and high everyday, and the relationship was for me simply a sexual relationship but she ...
A. 30 April 2010: I dont really know what to say other than I envy you.
I envy that you have someone who loves you, cares for you, has stuck by you during a difficult life...and a life that has obviously affected her life. You are blessed, you just don't know it.... (read in full...)
Did I take this the wrong way or was he really just tired?
Q. I have a lover who lives in another town but works long hours, when we dont see each other we do email each other every night,and this can go on all evening.Anyway we were meant to meet up this friday but couldn't because he had to cover someone ...
A. 28 April 2010: I remember a time before e-mailing and texting. You'd see your boyfriend on a saturday, he'd maybe call you by phone on a wednesday and you'd get all excited for the weekend when you'd see eachother again. God I long for those days. There just ... (read in full...)
I thought I understood women but I guess not.
Q. 6 1/2 years ago, I met, fell in love with and married the woman I know I will always love. I’m a man in my early 40's, professional and for both of us, it was our first marriage. After a couple of years just being together, we decided to start a ...
A. 27 April 2010: It seems a bit odd that the other woman would want to move out with her children when she hasn't even met you...I was in a similar situation about 5 years ago. Without going into detail, I developed a very strong loving internet relationship with a ... (read in full...)
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