A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man over 3 years ago, first we just talked( as friends) then we dated then we were FWB, i fell for him HARD...........he is sweet, well mannered, easy to talk to and he made me feel so good when we slept together BUT he was not ready to settle down and was still playing the field and preferred parties and all that stuff so we broke up, i told him i wanted something more serious and he respected that. I've been in school this entire time since we broke up but we kinda of kept in touch by phone or im's, all mostly initiated by him. During a phone conversation, he has told me that he thinks i am a great great and wishes we will always be friend( he said he wants to be my best friend). I am entering exams soon so I am 2-3 weeks away from being done my program( i admit most of the anxiety i feel now is because of this)but it makes me think of him again, i do miss him a lot and i still have strong feelings for him. I guess I am dreaming once I'm done school he might want to give US another chance and admit he feels the same way about me too. I don't know what to do.........let him contact me first and see how that goes and if there's still nothing there move on or should i make another attempt to see what's going on?Thank you soo much for all your time and advice:)
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Well isn't he the modern day vampire!!!...talk about suck every last emotion from you and STILL not give you what you what you really want and need.
HE IS USING YOU!!!
Good grief girl you spelled it out for him with all your heart, you told him you want a man to love you and STILL he is wanting only friends...but he still wants to screw you (of course)...
Is this really what your in love with??..because I don't think he is the guy you imagine he is. Ok he can be sweet and nice and kind (to get what he wants)...lord even a snake hypnotises it's prey before it kills!! HE IS TOTALLY MESSING WITH YOUR HEART!!!
For your own sanity you need to do as I said before...cut the frikken cord and force yourself with every part of your being to forget him...he's like a roadblock to your emotions and well being...he is never going to change his opinion because he already set the mark on how he sees you!!...A FRIEND whom he can screw when he likes, ignore when he likes and someone he can dispose of at short notice. Your his sex insurance policy!!
I hate to be harsh on you but it's because I know only too well what agony your going through. It's painful, heartbreaking, totally engrossing and soul destroying and it always will be until you take the decision to walk away for ever. You can do it..please do it.
with love xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I next talked to him he told me he was single and when i asked him what happened to that girl he said...."after we slept together, sex wasn't what she had described it to be and she got up at 5 am and wanted to leave and called me naive when i said that it would be nice to stay in bed and cuddle and do it again in the morning and she didn't let me go down on her nor would she go down on me so they broke up. We started talking more and more from then on and started getting close but he always kept reminding me that he thought of me as a close friend and even hinted towards a FWB relationship as being a better alternative to marriage.........he said why ruin the sanctity of marriage? this i was NOT ok with and said he was being selfish. His mom was then diagnosed with cancer and i was there for him to talk and i was very supportive. About 3 months ago we were talking about life and love and when i said we need to start being honest with ourselves first as to what we really want he said well what happens to us then?
This is when I guess I snapped( i am emotionally tired and just couldn't handle this limbo anymore)and i said "well i guess if you don't feel anything for me and don't intend on trying to get back together then i guess we must part ways so i can find real love with a good man and who knows maybe life will bring us back into each others lives one day, what do you think?" he said.."i wish to remain friends, continue talking and supporting each other and he logged off. i left him a phone msg saying i didn't want to abandon him and wanted to talk to him further and have also said hi to him twice on MSN since but he has not returned my call or replied to me on MSN. I have tried to move on and met and talked to other men but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much, I do love him, he really stole me heart. I don't know what to do now..........pleasehelp.........I'm love sick!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I next talked to him he told me he was single and when i asked him what happened to that girl he said...."after we slept together, sex wasn't what she had described it to be and she got up at 5 am and wanted to leave and called me naive when i said that it would be nice to stay in bed and cuddle and do it again in the morning and she didn't let me go down on her nor would she go down on me so they broke up. We started talking more and more from then on and started getting close but he always kept reminding me that he thought of me as a close friend and even hinted towards a FWB relationship as being a better alternative to marriage.........he said why ruin the sanctity of marriage? this i was NOT ok with and said he was being selfish. His mom was then diagnosed with cancer and i was there for him to talk and i was very supportive. About 3 months ago we were talking about life and love and when i said we need to start being honest with ourselves first as to what we really want he said well what happens to us then?
This is when I guess I snapped( i am emotionally tired and just couldn't handle this limbo anymore)and i said "well i guess if you don't feel anything for me and don't intend on trying to get back together then i guess we must part ways so i can find real love with a good man and who knows maybe life will bring us back into each others lives one day, what do you think?" he said.."i wish to remain friends, continue talking and supporting each other and he logged off. i left him a phone msg saying i didn't want to abandon him and wanted to talk to him further and have also said hi to him twice on MSN since but he has not returned my call or replied to me on MSN. I have tried to move on and met and talked to other men but I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much, I do love him, he really stole me heart. I don't know what to do now..........please advise help.........I'm love sick!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (17 May 2010):
Well at least you talked to him and now you know. It makes it easier to move on. You'll find a nice guy, don't worry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice :)
well, we talked after I finished school and he told me that he had been dating some girl for the past 3 months and he loves her and they miss each other all the time but he hadn't had sex with her yet. I told him..."well you're not having sex with me", I told him I was hurt about him using me and stringing me along and now he practically Just meets someone and he is already in love?? I thanked him for the life lesson that he ought me and I've completely cut all contact with him(have not spoken, messaged or anything since. I am trying to move on now and find a nice guy but I am having such a hard time trusting and letting people in:(
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 April 2010):
Sorry but in matters of the heart, men arnt so complicated.
Men fall hard for women and when they have feelings of love or desire they will pursue, they will call, they will chase. They will do all they can to make that desired person theirs.
Women who are FWB are being used. Women form emotional attachments when they have sex, their minds run into overtime dreaming up scenarios that the FWB guy is going to fall madly in love with them. They pussy foot around, trying to manipulate the guy into a relationship. They wish it and will it to happen.
Here on DC there are posts from thousands of women asking for advice how to get their FWB guy to fall for them. To this day I have never come across a a post from a FWB guy asking how to make his FWB girl to fall for him!!!
I hate to be harsh because I know your suffering over this, but you seriously need to wake up and smell the coffee!!!
He isn't ever going to see you in the relationship light. When men and women form friendships they can be amazing until sex gets in the way!! If he does stay friends with you, he is going to continue to wanna have sex...until he finds the girl of his dreams...then how are you gonna feel?
Get out now!!! Get away from him and refuse to be friends, believe me its NOT going to bring any benefit for you, apart from temporarily give you a break from lonliness! There will ALWAYS be pain afterwards though, when he continues to refuse to be your boyfriend or when he starts dating other women.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get out now, cut the cord, deal with your emotions, avoid him at all costs, don't respond to any texts calls or e-mails...don't even give him a reason.
Gather your girl friends and family around you to help you cope with any negative feelings...and never never look back.
Keep yourself nice for that one special guy who's going to come along in the future when you least expect it.
(I was in a FWB relationship once that lasted for 18 months, it was one of the most emotionally disturbing and unsettling experiences of my life. I said I would be friends with him, but he only ever called when he wanted sex. I had really fallen for him and it was painful and destroying. I eventually wised up and just walked away. He played every trick in the book to get me back in his bed...text me about 40 times with varying excuses and manipulations, telling me I was his best friend in the world and that he missed me and thought I was sexy.
I sent back ONE text 'Philip do you love me?'...I never heard from him again).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): It always amazes me when a woman allows herself to be talked into a FWB situation, then gets butt hurt when the guy doesn't want a real relationship. If he wanted a real reltationship, you wouldn't be FWB. Duh!
From the sounds of this story, the guy wants to be friends only so he'll have a FWB possibility again. If he really cared about you, he'd let you go and find someone who's ready to be a grown up.
Cut communication and move on.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 You can always contact him first if he does not contact you . Then you would know where he stands with you .
Better this way than to wait and wait and worry about whether to call him or not.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 April 2010):
Hmm...well in my opinion, a guy doesn't really want to be your friend (or even your best friend for that matter) if he doesn't have at least some feelings for you. I think once you're done with school you can contact him. Be careful not to bombard him or put pressure on him, but just let him know how you feel. Don't lay it all out completely and give him the impression that you can take him or leave him. But it's been 3-years, you've improved your own life, and you stil like him and would like him to be a nice addition to your life...so I don't think you have anything to lose. If he says "no" then you're no worse off than before, and if he says "yes" then even better, right?
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