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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 21 August 2010: I think you should tell him to get lost...that's what I think xxx... (read in full...)
How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 20 August 2010: Everything I said in my previous post, I stand by!! The advice people have given you is good advice, they have provided you with good reasoning to get away from this man because they can see it for what it is...it's a booty call!!
You cant get... (read in full...)
Desperate to get him back
Q. Many of my friends and family has told me to try and look at my breakup as a death. Which helped for a while. I am plagued by a lot of guilt and shame. My partner/boyfriend (we are at the beginning stage of our relationship and had asked him to ...
A. 15 August 2010: Was the chatting to other guys just innocent chit chat? or was it sexual?...If it was sexual then he was cheating in a sense. If it was just chit chat then he wasnt cheating.
He has reacted to your snooping either because he's guilty and didn't w... (read in full...)
She gave him a hand job but said it wasn't cheating
Q. I have been married for eight years now, recently my wife found this guy at work, she felt sorry for him, so she moves him into our apartment, so he can heal from an operation on his shoulder. Well let me back up, before he moved in he was stay...
A. 15 August 2010: 'Cheating'... (read in full...)
How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 13 August 2010: I really feel for you...what a crappy thing to be going through. Heartaches and uncertainty are a one way trip to misery town and this 'man' is playing you like a slot machine.
Men, in general will tell you what you want to hear to get what the... (read in full...)
Rough relationship and hitting below the belt. Is this doomed?
Q. I am so confused. I am with a man who I have been in love with for years. We had a short fling 7 years ago when we were both split form our spouses. He went back to her and tried to make it work, had a third child and then they eventually split ...
A. 11 August 2010: You have an overwhelming amount of mistrust, worry and doubt in this relationship. You love the man but don't know for sure if he really loves you!...It's not going to change. If he is in love with his ex wife, he is never going to let go of that ... (read in full...)
Is Internet hook up with older guy safe?!
Q. [Mod Note: OP's own title] Hi, I'm 17 and from the uk. I've known a guy for a year and a half off the Internet. He is older than me (46) and I'm going to meet him soon, he's driving up to where I live and were meeting in a hotel. My friend knows an...
A. 11 August 2010: To be honest this is a very odd and potentially fatal situation. You have no idea who this man really is.
What are you hoping for from the meeting. Is it a relationship?...friendship?
Most men will tell you that at 46 they would never ever... (read in full...)
Son is addicted to drugs; what can I do?
Q. How can I help my drug-addict son? He is addicted to cocaine, and I tried everything,but nothing worked. I'm confused, some people says stop doing anything ,because you ''slowing the process'' some says leave the door open,because when there is ...
A. 9 August 2010: I believe you need to seek professional advice. Not sure what country you are in, but there are a number of organisations to give advice and information. In the UK there is the FRANK website. If your son is an adult, then the onus is on him to want ... (read in full...)
Why do single mums seek boyfriends or husbands?
Q. Why do single mums/moms seek boyfriends/husbands when they know they can't ever devote enough attention to them? 95% of the people here that response to questions re:step kids say that the children always come first, then why do they even try to...
A. 9 August 2010: Instead of looking to the women to change...I think it's you who needs to change.
If a woman has kids and a man comes into her life, they both need to adapt to fit around the kids. The axis is on the kids.
I may have it wrong but you seem to ... (read in full...)
Why do single mums seek boyfriends or husbands?
Q. Why do single mums/moms seek boyfriends/husbands when they know they can't ever devote enough attention to them? 95% of the people here that response to questions re:step kids say that the children always come first, then why do they even try to...
A. 8 August 2010: What woman wants to devote 100% of her time to her partner??...Even when there are no kids, you'd never find that, unless your looking for a doormat who wants to be enslaved...seriously you need to get real.... (read in full...)
Would my lady friend be upset if she found out I went to female massage therapist?
Q. I am talking to a nice lady who is a few years younger than me, and we are just casual friends. I have gone to a female massage therapist, for my back. While this massage therapist is very pretty and sexy to, it is strictly on a professional basis. ...
A. 8 August 2010: A casual friend doesn't need to know all your business, whatever your motives and what you get up to.
If she was your wife then I'd say tell her and be open, but it sounds like you wouldn't be seeing a masseuse if it were a man...be honest,y... (read in full...)
Is it normal to flirt on the net while in a relationship?
Q. Hi My question is should I beleive him?? My partner of 18 months who has moved in with me 7 months ago tells me he is being set up. I found his profile up live on Red Hot Pie dating site today. He denies that he put it up. He was on there when I ...
A. 8 August 2010: Would you be happy with him flirting while you were out at a party or shopping or going to the park?...Flirting online is the same as if doing it face to face so in a relationship it's not really ok unless you have an open relationship.
As fo... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for thinking this way?
Q. I am in love with a twenty something female. She is beautiful! Only thing is, I am in my 40's. I think of her all day long, and when I look at her pictures, I just want to spend time with her and talk about whatever she wishes. I long to kiss her as ...
A. 7 August 2010: Your both adults. If you are both single, then arrange to meet her...only then will you know which way it's going to go.
I'm not a lover of online romances, I think they can lead to a lot of heartache and dissapointment, but we are all human , ... (read in full...)
Help!!! Has anyone been in this situation?
Q. Has anyone been thru really bad severe sickness during pregnancy? which put them in hospital? and even had an abortion?? would you let this stop you from trying again for another baby?...
A. 7 August 2010: If a woman is suffering severe sickness a doctor can prescribe something to make it stop. These drugs are very effective and are not damaging to the unborn baby.... (read in full...)
Hungry all the time..painful stomach? Could be pregnant?
Q. Hi, I'm 20years old I have been noticing unusual things about my body last night I layed on my stomach and it hurt really bad and I pushed on my stomach lightly and it was rock hard and I've been very hungry all the time for the past week could I ...
A. 7 August 2010: If your on the pill you're probably NOT pregnant, but get a test to be sure.... (read in full...)
what do guys mean by take care?
Q. Mode Note OP's own title: I have a close guy friend,we've agreed we have feelings for each other but he isnt single and Im not prepared to take things further in this situation. We crossed the friendship boundary once but have gone back to frie...
A. 7 August 2010: I think in it's context it was definitely a 'goodbye, don't contact me again'
Saying he has problems and doesn't need other people's and also saying he isn't talking to anyone is his way of letting you down gently (nobody wants the guilt...... (read in full...)
Can I get past the fact that I'm dating a man that has a feminine voice?
Q. [Mod Note - OP's own title] About a month ago I started to talk to a guy that I met online. When we talked on the phone, we really hit it off. When we finally met, our conversation flowed really well and we really have a lot in common. I have nev...
A. 5 August 2010: Get over it...it's a dumb reason to ditch someone. ... (read in full...)
How do you cope with being alone?
Q. How do you cope with being alone? I hate it. I have never been in a relationship, never had a boyfriend, never had sex. Is there some magic formula for dealing with the lonliness and watching everyone else move forward with their lives, marriage,...
A. 3 August 2010: I agree with the previous aunt...you need to take some positive action...
Here's something I have said a hundred times on this site:
'Being in a relationship or having a partner DOES NOT define who you are'...yeah it's nice when it happens ... (read in full...)
Did he really lie about this other woman with my best intentions in mind?
Q. I had an awful marriage two years ago to a porn addict who told me nothing but lies. He destroyed my faith in, not only myself, but other men too. Since then I have only had two relationships, both have been short term and both have been a complete ...
A. 2 August 2010: He sounds like Mr Wonderful doesn't he...Lying, playing one against the other, using people as sex buddies, humping and dumping!!!...I wonder if he has any kind of moral code at all???
Of course he told you both that he didn't want to hurt you... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this situation? I am married and have fallen for my online lover, and neither man knows the truth about me!
Q. I am 40 years old marrried with 2 children. I am in a stressful job and living with my family and mother. My husband never proposed to me and we were basically led into marriage. Lately, I have been regretting my current life and wishing for ...
A. 2 August 2010: Oh dear what a mess you are in. You need to stop things now and the best thing you can do is to come clean and tell your online man the truth...he deserves to know the absolute truth and nothing less.
I can understand the fantasy part and enjoying... (read in full...)
He dumped me and now wants to talk
Q. my boyfriend dumped me through a txt mssg and i never contacted him or asked for us to sort things out,due to the fact i had enough of his behaviour and attitude towards the relationship,now a month later he has contacted me to have a go at me,but i ...
A. 2 August 2010: Sounds weird that he would contact you out of the blue just to 'have a go' at you?? Is he in contact with any of your friends?, did you say anything to them about him?
The fact that he is angry towards you indicates that the relationship is over.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't interested in sex anymore!
Q. I’m 29 years old been with my boyfriend for the past 2 years we have an awesome relationship until recently he’s not interested in having sex anymore. Everything else in our relationship is fine but when it comes to being intimate he’s always too ...
A. 2 August 2010: What does your gut tell you?..I agree you should keep an eye on his other activities. Someone telling you they love you isn't necessarilly a true indication of how they feel. They do say. for men in particular, watch what they do and not what they ... (read in full...)
The celebrity I'm dating constantly bugs me for money!
Q. (OP's suggested title) I'm a model who is dating a celebrity (I'll call him Tyrone), most people call him a hasbeen or say his career is over... why? Because he hasn't been a star of a movie in nearly 17years. We met on Facebook and we clicked ...
A. 1 August 2010: Love is a funny thing. We do the craziest things for love and it completely blinds us to a persons faults...but still we believe that love is enough for us to feel happy, safe and secure.
It is a very rare thing for someone to change their ha... (read in full...)
Girlfriend flirts online -can I still trust her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend broke up for 10 days then got back together. A few months later, I found messages from a sexual conversation she was having with a guy online. When I confronted her, she said she was just talking trash and that it happened while ...
A. 31 July 2010: Im with Cerberus on this one...give her her wish. If she complains then let her know in no uncertain terms that she screwed up and it's her own stupid fault...
Go find yourself someone with more respect!!... (read in full...)
I'd love to be with my ex again, any advice from the ladies?
Q. I've been broken up with my ex for about 6 months. We were in a long distance thing for about a year. I lived in her city for about 7 months. We were amazing together. I guess the distance broke us. During this 6 months apart I've been dating and ...
A. 30 July 2010: If you are absolutely suree that you love her and want to be with her (which to my mind it seems you do) then do not waste another second...call her, arrange to meet her and tell her face to face (that way you can see from the facial expressions and ... (read in full...)
Caught wife in internet affair, now what?
Q. A year ago my wife started acting strange, up all hours on the internet, distant, etc. She started getting angry all the time and twice left me and the kids and went and spent the night in a hotel due to "being mad". One afternoon I was at the hou...
A. 30 July 2010: She has become addicted to the attention she's getting from online affairs and cheating...it's a foolish and destructive thing to do (like any addiction)and when you confronted her, she paid you lip service and has returned to her addiction.
The o... (read in full...)
How can I get over this man that is in my thoughts from morning to night?
Q. How can I get over the man I love, We have not spoken for 5 weeks and he is all I think about. We have alot of history and have spent most of this year together, he is separated and it's getting very messy. The ex has found out about me a...
A. 30 July 2010: Does he still want a relationship with you??...
My whole reply hinges on that one fact.
If he still wants to maintain a relationship with you and you have cut him off then he is probably licking his wounds but at the same time, the pair of you ... (read in full...)
Should I work on the friendship I have with my ex?
Q. Hi, I have been good friends with an ex of mine for a few years now, we used to talk regularly but since he met someone new about 6 months ago he never gets in touch now. This is unusual because he has stayed in touch throughout his other relation...
A. 30 July 2010: Maybe his relationship has moved into a new phase and he simply doesn't have time now to keep in touch. Peoples priorities change with their emotions.
Before, he was dating women but keeping touch with you. This was probably because those gi... (read in full...)
Why has my ex called twice in 2 days?
Q. my ex-boyfriend has called me twice in two days. he wont talk talk on my voicemail. why is he doing this.what does this mean? i still have strong feelings for him. we dated a year. it has been a little over a year since he broke up with me. he was ...
A. 29 July 2010: Playing games I expect. Some men, in the absence of something better will sometimes keep an ex on the hook for kicks.
Unless he is giving you clear messages ' I miss you, I love you and want us to talk and try again' (stuff like that) I'd ignore h... (read in full...)
What do I do about the towel/tampons?
Q. Hey, this is entirely embarrassing for me so please don't laugh or leave a patronizing message. I'm 15 and have recently gotten with my boyfriend, we're fine and comfortable - everything that I expect from him. But even the best trust stops ...
A. 27 July 2010: Buy some nappy sacks from the pound shop. Double wrap your tampons or towels and bin them when you get home.
Boys know more than girls think and for most it's not a big deal and unless he's really immature, I am sure you could just let him know... (read in full...)
Wife's weight is becoming an issue...
Q. I'm having a hard time figuring out what, if anything, to do or say about the situation with my wife and her weight. We're in our mid to late 30s. When we met about 5 years ago, we were well-matched. Both around the same height (I'm 5'9", she's...
A. 27 July 2010: Your very welcome. I am sure if she has a little more practical help, it will allow her to focus a little more on her appearance and health. Don't be embarrassed about not being able to cook. Healthy eating can involve a lot of foods that need ... (read in full...)
I love my fiance and her children but I just don't think this is going to work!
Q. Dear Cupid, This will probably be a long letter so forgive me in advance. My fiance and I have been together for 11 years. (with a 6 month breakup some 7-8 years ago) and have 2 children together that I love more than anything. For quite...
A. 26 July 2010: You need to show her what you wrote here as I feel it's come straight from your heart. She needs to know the whole picture to give her a boot up the backside. I can understand she wants to be a stay at home mum but that comes with a responsibility ... (read in full...)
Ready to throw in the towel!!
Q. I have known my girlfriend for 15yrs, we have been in a relationship for 6yrs. this month I asked the big question and bought her an engagement ring. My co worker family owns a jewelry store so i bought a second hand ring that has been appraised for ...
A. 26 July 2010: Why did you ask her to marry you? Does she make you really happy?... (read in full...)
Wife's weight is becoming an issue...
Q. I'm having a hard time figuring out what, if anything, to do or say about the situation with my wife and her weight. We're in our mid to late 30s. When we met about 5 years ago, we were well-matched. Both around the same height (I'm 5'9", she's...
A. 26 July 2010: I know that whhen some women start a family, the axis of importance changes in their life, your an intelligent guy so you probably realise that too. With so much to divert their time, some women lose focus on themselves and become unmotivated. When ... (read in full...)
Is my partner correct to want me to ask for his permission to answer the phone late at night?
Q. 22.15hrs I was having a talk with my partner about an important matter to us both. My mobile phone rang in the room next door, and he got up first to fetch it and brought it to me for me to answer which I did. It was a short message from a friend. ...
A. 26 July 2010: No he isn't correct...you don't need permission to answer your phone, it may have been something very important. Perhaps he was just upset that it interrupted your conversation, but he's still got no right to expect you to ask permission.... (read in full...)
I have an attraction with the other woman...
Q. I recently met a woman who I started dating. I was rather unimpressed with her so over weight and that she was not really a good looking person. We have no plans to extend this into a relationship as we agreed that we were just dating. I do like her ...
A. 26 July 2010: First of all I wanna kick you in the shin for dating someone you wern't attracted to in the first place and having sex with her and leading her on!!
Ok already she forced sex on you and thats probably because she's a little desperate for attentio... (read in full...)
Totally disappointed!
Q. Totally disappointed... Almost a year ago I met a wonderful guy. It was all very romantic at the beginning. However with few problems even then...He just broke up an 8 year long relationship. And he lives in another country. Not so far, but still......
A. 25 July 2010: Wow thats one messed up man!!! Mixed messages and misleading statements. These things happen all the time, you just fell for the wrong one. He is acting like he wants to keep his options open but still keep you on the hook (friends). Ive said it a ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so poorly about myself?
Q. I wish I had a boyfriend, I always feel the last few months especially that I am fat and ugly. I have put on a few pounds but nothing major but cause I have I feel not worthy of one. I know it sounds silly but I feel jealous of my ex's having ...
A. 20 July 2010: Well it's a true thing that we all go through a 'pity party' time in our life when things get rough.
The thing is that nobody can change your life but you. Nobody can make you get in shape or be more positive about your looks but yourself... (read in full...)
Husband hooking up on facebook with a woman he once cheated with!
Q. My husband found a female that he cheated on his ex-wife with on Facebook. They started chating a calling each other and their conversations were of a sexual nature. When I confronted him he called me a unhappy, complaining snoop. He says he loves ...
A. 20 July 2010: Because he says he loves you and is having sex with you, he should be allowed to have sexual conversations with other women and cheat with someone he cheated with before?...Um nope!!
Can he stop?...most likely not!
Are you asking too much?... (read in full...)
He told me he wanted to see me again but now he's distant?
Q. Hello, I have a few questions.... Here goes...A man that I have a business type of relationshi recently invited me to his home for the weekend. I was a little intrigued and agreed to go. We had a wonderful time (nothing sexual)and on the way home ...
A. 20 July 2010: He might be married or involved with someone else or he might have just changed his mind. Whatever the reason, there isn't much you can do about it but move on.
xxx... (read in full...)
I don't feel any attraction towards my husband any more...
Q. I do not feel any physical/sexual attraction to my husband... I cringe when he touches me.... There was never strong passion on my side, but rather a marriage of convenient timing and my biological clock that was ticking. Now after 10 years of ...
A. 18 July 2010: Make a plan and leave. Nobody can make you stay married if you are done with it and your sure it's over.
It won't be easy, it won't be pleasant but is there any reason to stay?...most people do because they can't cope financially or they fear bei... (read in full...)
He leans on his charm to get him out of bad situations!
Q. Doubts, concerns... Met this guy 6 months ago in my acting class. Right off the bat he let everyone know he was going through a rocky patch in his relationship with his g/f of 4 months. He was quick in describing her as a total psycho...
A. 18 July 2010: When all is said and done, can you really look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself:
'This guy is wonderful, is full of integrity and seems like he could make me blissfully happy. Is he the kind of guy who has shown me he can be trusted ... (read in full...)
Did I sexually assault someone?
Q. Hey Everyone. Sorry that this is so long, but it’s been bothering me and I have to get it off my chest, and see what people’s opinions are so hopefully I can put my mind to rest. Here is my story as I best remember it and as truthfully as possible. ...
A. 18 July 2010: No you didn't sexually assault her. She was an adult, was willing, didn't ask you to stop or push you away. It doesn't matter what her friend said, in fact it's nothing to do with her friend...the event was between you and the girl you kissed, in a ... (read in full...)
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