A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:*OP's own title*I am a single middle-aged women, usually sensible and certainly suspicious of online dating. Four months ago I was contacted by a younger man on a mutual interest website. He lives in another country and speaks another language! After a month of messaging we exchanged email addresses, then phone numbers and started talking by webcam. I found myself developing feelings for him, although I was still cautious about a potential relationship. For the past three months we have contacted each other at least twice a day. I was finally feeling I could trust him and started to drop my guard. I had his home phone number and could ring him night or day; I had seen him via webcam and he always responded immediately if I asked him to. However 2 weeks ago he told me he had a promotion in his job and he would be much busier. I was thrilled therefore when our contact, albeit shorter than previously, was still just as frequent. All good so far, until he mentioned an event he was involved in with his line of work which if not making world headlines should have at least made headlines in the local paper where it supposedly took place. Yes, you guessed it. As far as I can see, no such event happened. After the initial shock I decided to remain quiet about my discovery and just see how far the lies would go. Fortunately my feelings for him started to dissipate as soon as I found out he was lying about his job (who knows what other things he was lying about). Naturally I think he has met somebody else and I wish him all the best if he has. But I am left wondering why the man cannot be honest and just tell me. Why would he continue to text, phone and webcam me (at his expense), profess his love and keep promising he will visit me in July? He has never asked me for money nor for any assistance with immigrating to my country, nor did we engage in any sexual activity beyond flirting. I do not wish to confront him at this stage as my knowledge of his language is very limited and I have a feeling all contact would cease before I could even begin to find out some of the answers to my questions. Did he ever have feelings for me? Is he having a huge laugh at my expense? Is he just a serial internet lover? Of course my fantasy is that he actually does come to visit and there will be nobody waiting for him at the airport! Comments from others with similar experiences would be appreciated. And maybe from some who have played this hurtful game themselves!
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female
reader, sick and tired  +, writes (6 April 2010):
I think you should be flattered however, I think it is a fantasy for a younger guy to be with a women that is older! He is probably interested in a hot sexual relationship or in having a women support him! He probably did have feelings for you. What are you looking for? I have had young guys approach me onlinE and usually steer clear. Best of luck n whatever you do
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 This really confused me I have to say and I really had to re read the story in order to try to work out what is going on here...now to put it into words!!
The facts:
This is an internet liason...It is NOT a relationship until you have met in person and decided you want to be a couple.
This man is a lot younger than you, so there is flattery at play, and flattery clouds your judgement.
This man has never demanded money or anything else from you and apart from the job thing has been seemingly genuine!
Ok this man may have lied about his job (perhaps out of shame)but you have not questioned him why, so you cannot make a judgement about what happened. You decided to wait and see if he would lie further (playing games). This is a self fulfilling prophecy...you are looking for lies and so eventually you may find them.
You have no proof whatsoever that he is having an affair with someone else. This is just your mind fooling you because perhaps you feel guilty about the age difference, or the fact you havent met him or again self fulfilling prophecy in which you are actively searching for reasons to make the 'relationship' to fail. It almost like your mentally testing yourself and him. Your internal voice is telling you to find reasons to end things. I wonder if you have been hurt or rejected before and don't think your good enough for someone?
Is he having a laugh at your expense? and Does he have feelings for you?...again two extremes that show how insecure you are!! Maybe he does feel for you...but how much are you going to risk to find out? Maybe he is having a laugh at your expense???...Who knows!!! Unless you actually meet him, there is no way of knowing is there!!!
If your that insecure and worried and you cant find some modicum of trust to actually go through with what you have started, then I would say back right off, change your number and forget the whole blessed thing. I also think it's really crappy to actually plan to stand someone up at an airport. If you don't intend to meet him, just tell him not to come. Jeeze!!! anything less is vengeful!!
Internet relationships are difficult, long distance relationships are even more difficult (especially between two countries and where there is a language barrier)...but sometimes, given a chance, people can make them work. He may be totally the real deal or he may be a scammer but until you dig deeper, you are never going to know.
Your the one who got into it...so I guess...
It's your call!!
Aunty Em xxx
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