A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. I'm 39. When I was at Uni, I met a lovely man who was my friend. We were both devout catholics and had a lot in common. He eventually told me he loved me and wanted to go out with me. I was shocked as I hadn't seen it coming - he had said he wanted to be a priest! I wasn't physically attracted to him and so I said I just wanted to be friends. He eventually did become a priest and around the same time I fell in love and got married.We exchanged a couple of phone calls and letters over the years. He made it clear he was still attracted to me. Twenty years passed. Last year he got back in touch with me as he had moved into the area. We met up and my attraction to him was instant. Physically and emotionally. My husband cheated on me two years after we got married and 10 years later we had never really sorted it out. Our sex life was non-existant and we argued constantly. The feeling seemed to be mutual with my friend. We went out for a meal and he said he wanted to 'hold my hand'. He flirted with me and we couldn't see enough of each other. Over the months, we texted several times a day. I told him I loved him constantly and we seemed to get closer - although he did not tell me he felt the same - everything seemed to suggest he did.One day I went to visit him and he had another female friend with him. I realised to my horror, that he was as close, if not closer to her than he was to me. I was devastated. I had accepted that nothing would happen in our relationship and that it could not progress but I had assumed I was as special to him as he was to me. I suggested we take some time out and admitted I was hurt. I have been going to relationship counselling with my husband and things are slowly getting better. The trouble is, I cannot work out how I could have got things so wrong with this man. Was I completely deluded to think he had feelings for me too? Now I feel guilty for cutting him out of my life but it felt to me like we were having an emotional affair. I haven't spoken to him in three weeks. He has texted me several times but I am just ignoring him. What can I say to explain how I feel? Will I come across as arrogant or vain to have assumed he loved me too? I confronted him about the flirting and he said he thought it was just his way of being 'humorous'. I want to move on but I think about him all the time. I feel I have made a big fool of myself.
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affair, cheated on me, fell in love, flirt, move on, moved in, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Well good luck to you doll on your journey to put the dork out of your head once and for all.
Any time you want some more reassurance that you did nothing wrong here feel free to PM me.
Lots of love and strength to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks moosmum - your advice was spot on. Sometimes you just need someone else's support to move on - especially when you suspect a man's being manipulative. Every time I start to weaken I will re-read your words and they will help me. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks moosmum - your advice was spot on. Sometimes you just need someone else's support to move on - especially when you suspect a man's being manipulative. Every time I start to weaken I will re-read your words and they will help me. x
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (16 April 2010):
This guy is DELUDED and it's unfortunate that you were one of the people he drew into his strange little world. I'm not a catholic so don't understand the religion completely but I'm sure his elders (not sure if that's the right term) would have been pretty alarmed if they found out he was conversing with a married woman and professing his love for her way back in the beginning. Then how dare he invite you out for a meal and want to hold your hand and make you feel as though he still loved you whilst having another woman on the go. Is he still a priest? If so you should report him.
You HAVE NOT made a fool of yourself this guy sucked you in. You are not to feel bad about this as you have done absoutely nothing wrong. He is a sick sick sicko!! You are not deluded he played you like a fiddle. He is like a con man.
Carry on as you are by not having any contact with him he deserves no explanation for you cutting him out of your life he hasn't given you the same courtesy.
Hold your head up high and square your shoulders. Every time any thoughts come into your head about him push them out by saying "You decieved me I want nothing to do with you, go away" then deliberately do something else to take your mind off him.
Lots of love to you, you will be ok. But I can't stress enough don't waste another moment of thought or guilt on him he's a loser!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Im sorry that this has happened to you but you are married and this man knows this...What else did you expect to happen? Did you think he was going to sweep you away from an unhappy marriage?, like a knight in shining armour?
You told him you loved him and yes, he flirted with you (as men tend to do)but really? where could the relationship have gone?
That said I am sure you are special to him. Most men do not have a problem with being flirtatious with a 'friend', women, however read all kinds of nonsense into it.
Time has passed and both your lives have moved on. Was it wrong for you to see him after so long?...well no, I am sure curiosity got the better of you. The reality is that you are married so not free to get involved with another man...and your friend...well he has not reciprocated your feelings of love and is also 'involved' with someone else who is closer to him!!!
Don't feel foolish...feel that you have learned something about yourself. You have also learned that relationships and friendships can be tricky dissapointing and akward and do not always have a happy ending!Starting something whilst still married is a very dangerous game.
Work on your marriage, surely that is enough to cope with and if it doesn't work out, in time you will move on and be ready to meet someone else and be free to see it through.
A big hug for you and again I am so sorry you had to go through this.
Aunty Em xxx
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