A
female
age
51-59,
*izzi
writes:I have been with my partner for 4 years now and we have a 2 year old son that he never wanted, took me to the abortion clinic 11 times but each time i could not go ahead with it because i wanted it and he ended up leaving me but came back. I have had my suspicions over the years of him seeing and speaking to her on the phone and sometimes i did catch him out but he kept saying he wanted me so i forgave him, sometimes i knew about him going to see her but it drove me crazy knowing he was with her, he left me 4 times altogether and went back to her i found out after lying to me, it took him 3 years to move his things in only because she moved then at christmas i caught him out by leaving a voice recorder on and he called her when i went out, he spoke so nice to her not like he does to me and he said twice i love you too, i went mad told him it was over but he pleaded saying he wanted me and would get divorced in the new year, that has been and gone and he keeps making excuses saying its because i am pushing him or because i have always got a long face or because i will not put his name on my house etc, he has no kids with her so it must be her he is holding on too, i am so stressed so down all the time i think about it everyday why he will not give me and answer as to why he will not divorce her but he just gets angry, am i pushing him ? am i waisting my time ? i just dont know what to do i am so down.
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abortion, christmas, divorce, I love you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dizzi +, writes (1 April 2010):
Dizzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have wrote him a very long letter, because i can't talk to him because he gets very angry so i have put it all down in words, telling how i feel, how i have put my life on hold and how i can no longer put up with the violence and anger and the fact that he is still married after all this time, i have wrote in the letter that he has to decide what he wants divorce or leave and the next time he hits me that will be the end, i know i have to do this, i know i have to get the strength to put my life back together, i am not getting any younger and as they sayt we only have one life and have to make the most of it, i so want to be happy and get out more again, now i just have to be strong to give him the letter, thankyou for all your advice i appreciate it. x
A
female
reader, jada101  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Just let him go... I have you ever thought of the fact that maybe he just lives with you because the his wife doesn't want him to live with her. He might not have were togo that why he is still with you. Puting his name in your house would be stupid as* hell
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A
female
reader, mslovely +, writes (30 March 2010):
 My heart hurts for you. I do want to say that you are a wonderful, strong, and smart woman for doing what you believe in. That's being a mother to your child. Now be an even better mother and leave this hurtful man alone. Get child support, get a lawyer and move on. It would hurt your child more to watch you get hurt every day. good luck and best wishes! Mothers day is everday!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Whoa, hold on here, you didn't mention all the physical abuse. Now I really have to say you need to show him the door. I know it't scary thinking about being alone but what makes you so sure it will be forever? We have a new uncle on the site, check out Old Mose's story.
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A
female
reader, Dizzi +, writes (30 March 2010):
Dizzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thankyou for the advice i do very much appreciate it as i don't have any friends now as my boyfriend made sure of that. I know in my heart i think, the right answer, it's just so hard he blows hot and cold when he is horrible he is horrible and when he is nice and says he loves me its wonderful, i was married for 18 years through my 1st marriage and my 1'st husband was wonderful and i knew he loved me no one else until towards the end, i think to my self i got my self through that split & my 2 sons from that marriage who are grown up but still living with me tell me how they wish they had the old happy mum back, they hate it when my boyfriend calls me such dreadful names and has been violent to me but i worry for my youngest he loves his daddy even though his daddy does nothing with him, never has, i am also scared that he might come after me and hurt me because of the way he talks and the way he has hurt me, strangled me, kicked me, slapped me, head butted me, pushed me even through my pregnancy, i think i am frightened of growing old and alone too and also acared of having a mental breakdown of which i had before, i think thats why i find it hard to handle things, it's so hard.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 March 2010):
Get him for every penny of child support you can squeeze out of him and then start your life over with a fresh beginning.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Another prime example of a man using a woman to get exactly what he wants. He is married, wanted you to get an abortion, is lying to you about his ex wife (who isn't even his ex yet). He is also trying to get his name on your house so he can claim half when things don't work out.
All the pleading is so he doesn't have to be alone. His ex obviously is playing games too and I would seriously be worried that they are telling eachother that they love eachother!!! it seriously sounds like a scam to get half of your house.
When I hear a man telling a woman 'your pushing me' it makes my blood boil. Men say this so they never have to deal with a situation and they can dodge responsibility.
He IS having contact with his wife...you have caught him red handed!!! Doesn't that make you wonder???
Please save yourself and your child, you have a home and some security. Get this man out of your life and keep him at armslength (your going to have to allow for child access)Make a life for yourself, deal ith your emotional loss but realise you have had a lucky escape.
I have recently been through a similar thing so if you need to talk about it, please send me a private mail!
Aunty Em xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Well, it's never a good idea to be involved with a married man...and this is why. He's married. He is legally committed to another woman. I don't know why he and his wife aren't together, or when they split up, but really it doesn't matter. You and this man can never have a life together until he gets divorced. You've already put your life on hold for four years for this man, are you really willing to wait longer?
DON'T put his name on your house! He's trying to get money out of you and just making up excuses. This man knows what he's doing is wrong and he knows he's not being fair - his making up excuses is an attempt to shift blame off of himself and onto you. Don't let him do this. Tell him straight up how it is - "Leave your wife and marry me, THEN you can own half my property!" Call him like this on every excuse. An ultimatum could possibly work - "Either get divorced or I'm gone" - but you have to serious about it.
If he divorces his wife and marries you, then I wish you luck. If, however, he continues to not divorce, then you have to leave him. He's either in love with her still or perhaps afraid of losing money. Whatever the cause, don't let it be your problem any longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): He has left you multiple times. He is contacting his ex and speaking to her inappropriately. He has no respect for you at all.
He obviously feels like you trapped him through having the child and he is trying to get some money out of you as well. I would bet that the moment you put his name on your house is when he will leave you.
Leave him. If for nothing else than he is not respecting you.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (30 March 2010):
 If he needs a reason to end it with his ex, you need to let this guy go. Do not put him on your home. His actions over the year are not worthy. Let him go. You seem like you have your life together, except your BF is holding you back. Move on. If he loves his ex so much, let the two of them be miserable together.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, Dizzi +, writes (30 March 2010):
Dizzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo he told me he had been seperated for 2 years and was going to get divorced.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2010):
I'm going to give you the best bit of advice. End it. And now. He's left you four times already, and has come back. It's pretty clear that he still loves his wife in some way and can't let her go. The reason he wants you to put his name on your house is so he can get money out of you. His name goes on the house, he owns half your assets. Don't be played. This is merely a hustle. He's lied to you, left you several times, and it seems like he's cheated. Just RUN. This is a total waste of your time.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 March 2010):
Were you involved in the break up of his marriage?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Well the first thing is...dont put his name on your house. He still loves her as you found out when you recorded him. Its hard to understand whats keeping you with him when hes making it clear he still has feelings for his ex and he doesnt want to get divorced. If he left her for you and she still loves him it might be difficult for him to move on properly. He may be staying because you have a child together and not just becasue he has you. You both need to go to couples conselling and find out who he really wants, you or her.
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