A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I cant talk to friends or family about this or i will never live it down. Just a little background. I am 44 single mom of 2 kids, when they were younger i got burned bad in a relationship and vowed to wait until they were out of the house to avoid the revolving door of boyfriends. Well I have had an empty nest for the 2nd year now and have lost weight started wearing younger clothes and caring more about my appearance. I am just getting my feet wet in meeting people and am really floundering. But today was my lucky day, today i realized what an ass one can make of themselves and how bad the human race can be.All summer I have been heading up to a bigger city to go boating with family. On the way i usually stop at McDonalds to grab lunch for later. There is a super cute 34 yr man that worked the counter there that always looked at me like i was a perfect steak or something, gave me compliments and made me blush. Last Sunday he gave me his number. I thought about it all day and told family and friends about it.Monday i figured WTH and texted him. He seemed really glad to hear from me and we started exchanging questions. Now I am totally nervous because it had been a long time since I last dated and am terrified of STDs. He told me he had alot of kids but the he was a good dad and took care of them. He kept saying he wanted to see me when we only knew each other a couple of days. After texting for like 2 days he told me he was a stripper for a while when he was 19 and i got a little preachy with him. Suddenly he gave me an excuse that I was too spiritual and wouldn't like him because he was a "Physical" man. and I didn't hear from him again which bugged me more and more. I thought he must have got peeved about the preachy thing. I couldn't figure out why the hot and then cold and talked about it with my sis in law at a concert where the whole time people were grinding on each other and service men were hooking up with girls they had just met. She pointed all this out and how people go home with others all the time and encouraged me to text him back. I drafted up a a text asking him a hypothetical, about whether he practiced safe sex, just to see how it would sound and showed her to ask what she thought, and of course stupid me she pushed the send button. so that started up a whole new round of texting. He asked me to stop in and see him the next day and said he got off at 2:00pm. I did want to see him to see if I was even still attracted to him. When I got there he offered to buy me my drink and asked me to sit down and he would come talk to me on his break or slow time. The whole time I sat there this other stupid guy kept checking the trash and wiping tables which I thought was weird in the back of my mind. Anyway finally the guy i like swoops in and sits next to me hugs me for a second and then stood up and went on and on about how happy I made him whenever he saw me and how he bragged to his friends about how gorgeous i was. Then he said for me to come back when he got off at 3. I had stuff to do so I went shopping. A half hour later a got his text saying he didn't know his kids came home and he had to go home. He asked me if I was around at like 530 so we could get together. I asked him are you really interested or just goofing around? And he went on and on about how bad he wanted to spend time and how great a guy he was if I just gave him a chance. The he called me and we talked by voice while he was supposedly waiting for the bbsitter to show up. I could hear kids and he acted like he was parenting them so I believed him. He kept calling me back (on his own I didnt ask him to) to keep me informed of his status but in the end he said he couldn't get a bbsitter and asked me to please call him when I got done (with the concert I was going to) I did call him at midnite and I got no answer, but I knew he had to be at work at like 6am and i was tired anyway. So today in the morning I woke up and just texted him good morning and he calls me right away, and told me about how he had gone to bed and that's why he didn't pik up. then he asked me if would be free at like 5 to go take a walk or something, just spend some time. I said yes and he said he would call me on his lunch which he did. Then he asked me to be in town at 430 so we could go out. Of course 430 rolls around and dont hear from him, So i waited until 5:00 before I texted him what was up. Finally at 6 I got fed up and sent him a text of what kind of unnecessary game is he playing and he could have told me yesterday when I asked that he was not interested. So I went to this concert (it was a four day concert festival) alone because I was not in mood to hang with friends and all I can think of is WHY did this guy go thru all of this trouble of calling me, pleading with me to give him a chance, telling me about his hobbies and crap, asking me about my life and wanting to someday see pics of my kids, etc etc only to stand me up?? And now I am looking back and seeing all these red flags and kicking myself because I think in the end it was all a game and him and his creepy Mcdonalds coworker buddy were playing which then makes me wonder if I am that unattractive that some strangers would set me up as the butt of a joke. Now i am also freaking out that I prob gave too much info about myself too.I am now even more afraid of dating then I was before, because I really liked this guy and I just didn't have the radar to figure out what his motivations were ( i still really don't)and now I look and feel like a fool. Please someone who is used to playing this game let me know what I did wrong (the signs I should have paid attention to) so I don't fall for this crap again!! I have been crying about it all day, it really hurts.
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at work, co-worker, std, stripper, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 ...oh and used to be a stripper!!!...check!!!
(I forgot that little gem)
RUN!!!!!!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 September 2010):
Ok so your 44 and your looking to date...
You've been in a bad relationship and now the kids are off hand you wanna find Mr Right...check!
Seriously what were you thinking??
34 year old...check!
works in Mc Donalds...check!
Has loads of kids...check!
Messes around...check!
Mysteriously can't keep evening dates...check!
Doesn't reply to texts or take calls...check!
...oh but he is cute so it just HAS to be worth all the crap!!....CHECK!!!!!
The guy is one BIG red flag!!!
Run...run away...hide...and don't you dare come out until you have raised your standards and realised you deserve better....Ohhhh so much better!!!
xxx
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 September 2010):
 You really aren't a fool. His getting cold was the sign. He pushed away, but then you, with your "safe sex" comment, brought him back to being warm, but not for the reasons you would have hoped. If someone is cold and backs off, write it off, don't pursue it, because you end up getting hurt. Players always show signs, and gals often fall for them. It's the desire for dating, having company, and not being alone, but you have to keep that separate and recognize the red flags as this situation. Don't let it get your down. You learned what red flags were being waived with him, so get out there and date, but avoid the same. Some people are jerks, and you can't do anything about that, but you can learn from them and better position yourself for future dates.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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