A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, i'm going to try and make this as short as posible. A had a FWB/buddy, this ended and he now is with somebody. This is the bad part, we had sex a couple on months ago, so basicaly he cheated. Since then i've tried distancing myself from him, he doesn't like close by so that makes it a bit easier. Now it seems like since he cheated he wants to do it again, which i won't do. He's very flirtatious all the time when we're online and when i do see him, which isn't often, he touches me a lot. He said he wanted to meet up last weekend, and was being very suggestive e.g. sexual talk etc... i said i wasn't going to have sex with him again while he's with her, he just said "cool" then i didn't hear from him. Do you think he stood me up because i said no? and do you think it's worth me even talking to him anymore?
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 October 2010):
 I think your in denial, if you didnt have feelings, you wouldn't care what he did. Even if he's a friend, he doesn't owe you anything. Anyone will tell you, once you had sex with someone, it changes a friendship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): I have to agree with the majority. "FWB" doesn't align with any kind of commitment or monogamy. It is sex. His behaviour is proving what a true FWB relationship is. He gets it, you don't. Don't punish him. His other girl may be a FWB too. A LOT of guys flip women like that. I think it's horrible, but it happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): i think some people aren't reading this question properly! i never said he cheated on me as i said the title is wrong! thank you every body else.{Moderator note: title changed}
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Reality check needed..YOU had a FWB's arrangement, that is NOT a relationship, it is purely YOU, not just him, agreeing that you use each other for SEX, nothing more, nothing less! And why any self-respecting female would do this I have no idea, and trust me, in the long run, men do NOT respect a female for this..
You cannot complain about him now sleeping with anyone else, whoever it may be, it is just not realistic. If you wanted a relationship with trust, loyalty, integrity and faithfulness..then you should look for a relationship and not just SEX. People can't have their cake and eat it I'm afraid, so you expecting him to be faithful is just not part of the deal you signed up for. Nor should you be surprised, when you said no sex, he vanished, why wouldn't he?? That is what you both had, and ONLY HAD..JUST SEX, take the sex away, and you're left with nothing.
As for one poster saying " he obviously doesn't mind cheating or using you for sex. Not only is he not worth it but you could get a very bad reputation for this." NOT sure where the ' HE'S NOT WORTH IT ' comes from, as YOU have behaved in exactly the same way, and guys always seem to pick up the bad-press tab eventually, when IF females where to have more respect for themselves and their bodies, they wouldn't attract guys like we're answering your question on..YOU have to take responsibility here for your own actions FIRST, you are both equal on this one, both of you have sex casually, and SORRY, but this really is problem.
Tough I know...but no good just being passive, and providing a shoulder..so I really HOPE you will re-think how you view sex and relationships, and even more so, go on to have a relationship that has all you need both emotionally and physically.
Jilly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): You were FWB's and you already helped him cheat on his girlfriend. You should have expected him not to want anything but sex from you and when you said no sex of course he's not going to show up.
It's all pretty obvious really. I don't know what you were expecting but he's made it clear he only wants to know you for sex.
Personally if I were you I'd follow the advice of the other posters and stay away from him, he obviously doesn't mind cheating or using you for sex. Not only is he not worth it but you could get a very bad reputation for this. You know having sexy chats and flirting online is cheating too.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (2 October 2010):
 I'm sorry hun, he is not a friend. You told him you will not sleep with him so he's stopped calling. All he's interested in you for is easy sex. He thought he could get away with having his girlfriend and still having sex with you on the side. He got away with it the first time and thought he'd try it on again. You turned him down, which was the right thing to do btw, you don't want to be a bit on the side. He's disrespecting you and his girlfriend, and he blatently thinks it's wonderful! He's a very selfish man. Why would you want to be friends with someone who treats people like this?
He's not your friend. Stay well away from him and look for someone who wants to be your boyfriend and will traet you with respect, not like a sex object.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): "AUNTYEM" you are very very wrong about me wanting a relationship with him. Also, yes what we/i did was wrong and i'm well aware of that. It was a one time stupid mistake. When i said "stood me up" i just meant i wanted to be friends that's all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Hi miss!
It sounds like you are looking for a true relationship because you want someone close by and want more contact. I highly suggest not having a "FWB" precisely for this reason as intentions are sometimes never clear and that can put each party at a risk of uncertainty of what each persons true desires are. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (2 October 2010):
he is a FWB to you nothing else i think you've fallen for him whereas he still sees you as someone he can have sex with whenever he wants basically thats all he is to you so he didnt cheat on you because you werent together
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 October 2010):
Why are you so indignant that he cheated on his girlfriend?, if your the one he had sex with?...it doesnt make sense. I think you have feelings for him and your a little jealous that he has a girlfriend. By cutting off the FWB your hoping he comes rushing back to you and wanting a relationship. The thing is he has come back, but only for the sex. If you felt truly bad about the whole situation you would cut off contact immediately (Phone, meeting in person and internet).
Your stressing over him like you are in a relationship with him...YOUR NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, YOUR JUST SOMEONE HE SHAGS!! Its not possible for him to 'stand you up' because, like an unpaid prostitute, he can just pick you up and drop you when he wants.
GET REAL for god's sake girl!!! Clean up your behaviour, stop having random sex and wait for someone to come along who DOES want to be with you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 What do you mean " he stood you up " ?
You told him you are not going to have sex with him until he is with the other girl. So now he knows he can't get sex from you therefore he has lost any interest in you. Pretty normal.Hardly surprising.
Oh I get it. You think that ,even if he has lost the Benefits, the Friends part should remain.
It should. But generally it does not. In FWB relationships,alas, the real focus is on the benefits,not on the friendship.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 He is not respecting anyone here. It is not even worth friendship anymore or an attempt at it.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (2 October 2010):
He is not respecting anyone here. It is not even worth friendship anymore or an attempt at it.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2010):
You need to cut contact with him. ASAP. Your own reputation could be damaged if something like this got out, and you really don't want to have to explain to people why you slept with him whilst he had a girlfriend.
I'm afraid this guy is very much a user of women. Sadly, women seem to let him get away with it. So be tough and stop talking to him. He's cheating on his girlfriend. Why would you want to be around that? Cut contact and get rid of this slimeball.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): the title is wrong, he cheated on his gf not me
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