A
male
age
41-50,
*rticlep
writes:My girlfriend of 3 years has just dumped me. I'm 34 and she is 28. I cheated on her once, and it came out at the start of the year. I had also failed to make any concrete plans to move in (start living) with her, or mention marriage / kids. She was crying her eyes out, but said something in her heart told her we would not last, and this feeling would not go away. She also said that I was her best friend and soulmate and she loves me so much, but she didn't want to end up like her mum (her dad walked out on them), and had to follow this feeling in her heart. I am totally broken now and realise what she means to me and want her back so much. It's been 6 days, since we last spoke, I look out for a call or text from her but it fails to come. I can't really eat or sleep and have cried the first time in many many years. I know she loves me - but she thinks we wont last in her heart. I don't know what to do, but have been suggested both to give her space (like 2 weeks to a month) and also to fight for her back straight away. Any suggestions??
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male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 i think your'e a cheating loser, and it about time you grew up. why should she waste any more time with you??.
if i'm wrong then get off you sorry arse and get out and win her back.
it wont be easy though, it will take love and commitment and honesty, all traits you have failed to show her in the past.
will you change.....i doubt it.
A
male
reader, articlep +, writes (2 October 2010):
articlep is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the information guys, it is greatly appreciated. I have much thinking to do. I should never have cheated - but thought being a player was cool - when infact it is stupid and childish.
I am going to give her a few weeks and then make a final type approach where I will address her concerns and how I will change. I pray it's not too late, and would be totally gutted if ti is - but still I will have learnt some very valuable lessons on how to behave etc.
Thanks again for all your responses!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Sometimes you have to lose whats most important to you to realise how much it means. She must love you very very much if she forgave your cheating (I hope you never do it again). She sounds like a keeper and you may only have one shot at getting things right, you need to either commit and start making long term plans, or you need to let her go completely and allow her to find that security and happiness with someone else.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2010):
More importantly that worrying about her, are you going to worry about yourself?
Whilst I understand you want her back, there are serious concerns on her part that you need to address here.
First of all, the cheating. That will have caused her a huge amount of pain, and you need to know why you cheated. Why did you cheat on the woman you claim to love so much? And have you been doing enough to make up for that (apparently not enough).
Secondly, the lack of concrete plans. After 3 years, your girlfriend had every right to be seeking something more concrete, such as career aim, moving in together (which should have been done), children, marriage etc. These are concerns of hers that needed to be addressed some time ago and weren't. I don't know much about women, but I know they are great planners in need of reassurance that things are going somewhere. You weren't offering that.
I don't think you'll get her back, to be honest. I think in her eyes you're too much of a liability now. You've made some big mistakes. All she will see in you is a man that in 3 years made no plans and cheated. I think there's too much to fix, and going back to her and suddenly making plans won't work.
You need to address your own life before you can have a woman in it. Like I say, I don't understand women to perfection, but I know that they expect a man to have a clear view about his life and to be making long term commitment plans, usually within 18 months.
Sort your life and get what you want. Then find another woman who you will commit to, and you won't cheat on.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 You did not show effort before so that is what you must do now. Have plans and then tell her that you still love her and you still want to be with her. You have to be able to make a promise. You have to PROMISE her that you will take the initiative and start putting more effort into your relationship. It is easier said than done. If you really love her, you will keep that promise and SHOW her that you want this relationship to work. Take a few weeks to ensure you know what you are doing and then tell her.
I hope that helps.
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