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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: 11 years I've been with my girlfriend, didn't marry since I always suspected I'd find someone else, someone I knew the moment I lay eyes on her.. it came about 5 months ago, both the knowledge of a baby girl and love of my life started working where I work.. told my girlfriend of the situation, and my family, needless to say none of them are on my side, plus, the girl of my dreams tells me she doesn't want to be the reason for my breakup (and keeps dating other men.. I know she has other life but, I told her I'm willing to leave my pregnant girlfriend and I though it would count) - I'd be happy for some advice since I'm kinde lost here.. I love my girlfriend but I'm madly in love with the other one.. (sms's, secret calls the works..) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 lol the dream person. SO amazing till about a year. Then reality sets in. You have some vision that you are meant for some great love and your current girlfriend must be beneath you because you don't seem to think she deserves this. If you got with new girl, it would eventually be old and routine. Oh and BTW, a guy with a baby about to be born from an 11 year relationship is not exactly any woman's dream man.
A
female
reader, bookworm  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 How dare you drag this poor woman along for 11 years as a safety net? Did you think about her at all as more than that? Did you ever see a future with her?
Now, did she see a future with you? Did she think that in the end, you would realize that she was your dream girl? She is having your child. Man up, and take care of her.
Have you even once thought about what would happen to your girlfriend of 11 years if you left her? If she saw you with another woman? She could spiral. She could become depressed, maybe suicidal. Grow up, and realize this isnt all about what you want. It is about this woman too. She was probably been scared for the last 11 years that you would leave, but you would not let her be free to pursue a man who would truly love her, not a little boy who would drag her along on his search for someone "better". If she has stayed by you for 11 years, you wont find someone better than her. Man up and take responsibility.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 You seriously need to step up to the plate and be a man!!
Your girlfriend loves you and you have a child about to be born!! That is real and what life is about!!...
You can jump ship but I am telling you, if the 'new girl' is any kind of a real human being, she will see you for the cheating, immature, irresponsible idiot that you are and she will run a mile!...If she would steal you away from someone you spent 11 years with who is about to become the mother of your child...then she's probably an a**hole like you!!!
Good luck...your gonna need it!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): you have a girl who waited for you for 11 years. Repeat. ELEVEN YEARS. And yet you held onto her on the side until you would one day find someone else.
You deserve this then.
Man up. Take responsibility. Open your eyes to the women who has stood by you for so long.
Ignorance, i swear!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 What is wrong with you? How can you not want to take responsibility for anything in your life? Do you think this is all one big joke? You have to realize you are playing with LIVES here. If you were so sure that your girlfriend was not the love of your life, then why did you even think of having a baby with her? Honestly, its not upon you to choose anything...your girlfriend should walk out of this shaky relationship with you, and probably the "love" of your life will never trust you for your actions. I mean, you can think about dumping your pregnant girlfriend of 11 yrs in a jiffy, what guarantee would the other woman have that you wont leave her too?
More than you doing anything, both these women should walk out on you. Stop treating people like objects. Take some responsibility.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 September 2010):
 What you need to understand about infatuation is that it is an altered state of consciousness. When you are focused on your subject of your dream girl, little or no blood goes to the neocortex, the rational, reality testing part of the brain. You are under the spell of chemistry, you can't think rationally. Once the infatuation period weans off, you began to see the real face of the dream girl, everything, including her faults or something about her you can't stand.
That dream girl, or any other girl who's sensible is not going to pursue a relationship with you. You are obligated to see your family and whenever the relationship doesn't work out you would always try to work it out with your girlfriend. That dream girl doesn not see sufficient reason for you to leave your girlfriend, rather than the grass is always greener than the other side. She's wise enough to think outside of herself and not let your flattering get the best of her. She can reason that because you don't have the strength to work through issues, you could do the same to her in the future, you could find another dream girl when things get rough.
If somewhere if your relationship you find that the connection has been lost, whether you take each other for granted, or you said hurtful things during arguments, you have to patch up that disconnect by appreciating what you have, by doing the things you used to do at the beginning. rather than looking outside for solution. The thrill of the chase is not finished once you get a girlfriend or once you get married. The chase is a life long one. A chase for mutual happiness, for a stronger bond that lasts forever.
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A
female
reader, woowoo83 +, writes (1 September 2010):
 hey - i left my ex of 4 years for the same reason as deep down i knew i meet the man of my dreams and literally did a friend of a friend who i had actually dreamt about too! i got it together with this guy new year! and
i left my ex for him it was great for 6 months - but then went all wrong :( the grass may seem greener but has usually been trodden on already.
however, the good thing was i realised how selfish i was to stay with my ex for so long knowing all along he wasn't the one, it wasn't fair on him to be my security blanket.
so either way - your girlf is not the one for you if you have been waiting for someone else, so maybe you should leave her anyway, i would hate to be in her shoes knwoing my partner would always be looking for someone else. if you love her but not in love set her free! good luck :) x
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