| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I fell in love with a man who treated me very good, and we were compatible in every way and got along so nicely. We were integrating friends and family nicely, making vacation plans, and moving to the "I love you" dialogue. When we were together, we would relax just sitting next to a river or in a restaurant and lean against each other saying how lovely it is there is a special someone to relax and be at east with. We were inseparable for two months. He is younger by 13 years.Our challenges were that neither of us talked about ourselves in depth, and it left silent question marks about the other. Also, he frequently was unavailable at nights going out with his married, cheating brothers, and I still wonder about the time he ran from cops at a bar after choking a guy hitting on a girl he was talking to, seeking refuge at a strip joint. Then a week ago a big test hit: we went clubbing together, and both did disappointing things. He let a girl hang on him all night and danced with her and didn't dance with me, and I, new to partying, reportedly got uncontrollably drunk and danced like a stripper and was rude to one of his friends. I don't remember it. We haven't talked in a week since. I am afraid of being rejected, so I avoid him. In the one time we had breakfast and few texts, he is distant, almost plastic; unreachable.Amidst a world of hurt I texed him yesterday saying we could talk and I miss him. He responded he'll call when he gets off work and didn't.I know it appears to be lost, and I know the advice is to talk it out. At this point getting alone to talk is a difficult task, but the largest problem is a selfish one: how do I deal with the pain of this loss; I miss and love him so deeply.Thanks in advance -
View related questions:
clubbing, drunk, fell in love, stripper, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 WOW!!! He gets the prize don't he?...for being an absolute a**hole.
Darling he is using you for one thing...SEX!!. He is using the fact that you 'love' him and are needy of him to keep you dangling on that piece of string, so he can yank you back in when he wants to get off!!!
I hate him already...and I don't even know him!!
Forget love, forget giving yourself excuses to go back!! He is totally playing on your weakneses to 'get off'
He blamed you for not contacting him and then gave some non-descript drivel about not contacting you???...Honestly he's manipulating you to get what he wants. Your a bird in a cage...he knows you hang on his every word...so he can come around any time he likes and do his business on you. A few sweet words and you give in because your hoping it means more!!!...It doesn't and it NEVER will.
I would cut the cord IMMIDIATELY!!!...cut off his air supply, run, change your number and pray to God you NEVER hear from him again.
If he does try to contact you, remember the three little words...'GET LOST CREEP'!!!...they will save you from years of agony, doubt and pain!!
Men who act like dogs think they are cool, they think it's funny, tey think it makes them a man...it just makes them subhuman!
You asked for help to see this for what it is...it's dead in the water is what it is.
You need to open your eyes and see.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input. It helped me deal with it all better.
One month after no communication he called me. We met for coffee and it was just like old times; it felt so good. We got along well as before. He said at the club he didn't notice me misbehaving, although he could tell I was drunk as we were leaving. He asked if I'm seeing anyone and implied he hasn't had sex with anyone since me. I complimented him on being a peacemaker in his family and he put his arm around me and said, "So you still like me." We kissed goodbye and parted on a very nice note.
The next day he called to go to lunch with a friend of his as his job that day was next to my office. I fought the urge to drop everything and run to him and told him I've eaten at my home office. He mentioned something about calling after work, and I couldn't tell who was to call whom so I just said okay and we got off the phone.
The next day I texted asking who was supposed to call and he called me right away asking me to come eat dinner with him. I changed route and went to dinner with him and it was great to sit beside him like always and visit and feel close and lean against the other. This is when the talking began. We came forward with the concerns: he doesn't want me to get drunk again, and he thinks I withdrew and dropped the ball; all of a sudden I wasn't there for him. He was "pissed", code for hurt, and decided to just give me space. I said he was the one that dropped off, and he casually shrugged as if to say it went both ways. I asked him twice why he texted me back he will call and didn't call. He said he didn't have anything to say; there was a lot going on in life. I told him to please mean it when he says he will call. He said his brother gets on him all the time about that. Anyway, we talked most of it out, then in the car he said he wanted to have sex. I told him I don't hook up. He said it's not hooking up if there's feelings, and we definitely feel for the other. As I am still in love with him, I think he smelled a sexual opportunity and pursued it. I let it happen. And after, we didn't call or say goodnight and I am still wishing that didn't bother me. I want to just sleep with a committed partner; I've never had a casual approach to any sex acts. Before this guy I've only been intimate with whom I've a solid commitment with.
I would have been okay with what we did, but here I am four days after, and we only texted a few times. The texts were so casual. The texting that hurt me a little was when he suddenly asked me which of my guyz I am going to the game with. I told him I'm going with my girlfriend and then I said nothing. I texted him during the game twice and no response. The next day he did it again: texted a response to my "good morning" saying he'll call in a bit, and he didn't. He did call the next day, today, but I was in a meeting and couldn't talk.
So I'm starting to think I just had my first hook up in my life last week. I feel pretty cheap. Or, maybe I am reading into this too much and should just chill out.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 July 2010):
He was treating you well and now he isn't. Actions speak louder than words and his actions show he has gone off you!!
I know you feel hurt and upset but you need to get a grip. It's only been a couple of months that you were involved and even though you have probably enjoyed the attention he gave you, it now appears that the cracks are showing and he wants out.
You got no choice but to let him go and the best way to do it is by not clinging on. Hold your head up and have dignity.
Focus on yourself and see your friends. Speak to someone you trust and get it out of your system.
Don't be sad...seems some of his behaviour was less than desirable anyhow...so you may have had a lucky escape.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 What exactly do you love?? If you re-read what you typed, you might want to re-think the word love.
Don't get me wrong, love can do some pretty funky things to our minds. But this hurt train even I can see coming a long way off.
The question is...Where do you want to be standing...On the platform or the tracks?
...............................
|
